


Close to the Edge

by GeorgieThatter



Category: Take That
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-27
Updated: 2013-07-27
Packaged: 2018-01-03 16:15:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 47,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1072545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeorgieThatter/pseuds/GeorgieThatter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Anything in Italic print is from Marks Point of view

_There he was again, that huge dark shadow, looming over me. I was so scared. I was used to this by now, the daily beatings when my mum was either out shopping or had taken my brother and sister out. I was left alone with this stranger; well he wasn’t a complete stranger, he had lived with us for 8 years, ever since that day. I would never forget that day, the pain it caused and the pain that followed. Now I was here, alone and terrified, but I was doing it for the right reasons. If it wasn’t me then it would be mum or my brother or sister. I didn’t want that. I was the man of the house now; I had to take the responsibility of that role, even if I had to suffer because of it. That’s when the pain would start. Punch after punch, never at the face, that would make the wounds more obvious, he knew that, he would carry on till I was lying on the floor, curled into a ball crying silently to myself. If I was too loud he would hit me again._

“Same time tomorrow” he snarled down at me.  
I didn’t answer, I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, I just slowly picked myself of my bedroom floor and went into the bathroom to clean myself up before mum got home. This is my life, my fight and my story.

Mark was 10 when Trevor came into their lives. Daniel and Tracy were only young, and his mother only wanted what was best for them.  
“I’m doing this for you” She would say it over and over again, trying to justify her reasons, but he didn’t agree with it. Why did she have to do this? That thought went around his head many times. He just had to accept what had happened and maybe one day he would forgive her. She had no idea what was happening to him, no-one did.  
“If it’s not you who gets the beating, it’ll be your mother or your sister”  
That terrified Mark the most. He didn’t want anyone else getting hurt. His mother had already been through enough and he didn’t want her going through more just because he was too much of a coward. It was his job to protect her, Tracy and Daniel. He just had to take it as it came.

There would be times when Trevor would stop beating him for a while. He relished those moments. He could spend them doing what normal kids would do. Playing with his mates, and actually enjoying life, instead of spending half of it living in fear of what was just around the corner. However when he did return, he came back harsher than ever. Every time he would mess with his head.  
“You disserve it, you’re a worthless little brat and your mother should have done it years ago”  
Mark sometimes believed him. Even though he was now 18 years old, he still let the things Trevor said take hold of him. Maybe he did deserve to be treated this way; after all, he didn’t do anything to save....  
“MARK!”  
 _Oh no_ Mark thought to himself, he couldn’t deal with another beating, he just couldn’t. Slowly, he picked himself off his bed and made his way downstairs, only to find his mother holding the newspaper with an article reading ‘Boy Band Auditions’


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

“Mum I don’t want to go” Mark moaned as she began writing down addresses and times.  
“No you are going, I’ve seen your dancing and heard your singing, this is perfect for you! You could use a hobby anyway” She told him. He was going to argue back, but by the look on her face he knew that it would get him nowhere. He decided to just go to keep her happy, plus it would give him a break from Trevor.  
“He’s a man, he shouldn’t be doing sissy shit like that” Trevor scowled.  
“Oh shut up Trevor!” Mark hissed. He hated when he spoke to his mum like that.  
“What did you just say?” Trevor’s voice rose as he began to get out of his chair. Mark held his gaze, not wanting to show that he was intimidated, that would just make things more fun for him.  
“Stop It!” his mum’s voice cut through “Mark is going to this audition cause he is good at what he does and you are just going to have to put up with it” Trevor sat back down in a strop. Mark loved it when she put him in his place; he wasn’t so hard when it came to his mum, he acted like he loved her, but Mark knew that it was all fake. He could not put into words how much he hated him. He had invaded their lives, he had his mum wrapped around his little finger, and she believed everything he said. Perhaps the worst thing of all Daniel and Tracy treated his just like a father. It made him feel physically sick. He HATED him!

He was up in his room on his laptop, not really doing a lot, when he heard someone coming up the stairs. Trevor came storming into his room and he slammed the door shut behind him. O _h Shit!_ Trevor just stood there for a while, staring at him. He was six foot tall so he towered over Mark and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t terrified right now. After what seemed like a full lifetime Trevor spoke.  
“What the fuck was that about?” He was angry, really angry.  
“I don’t know what you mean” Mark said, and that was the honest truth, he really didn’t.  
“Don’t play dumb with me, you giving me lip downstairs” His fists were clenched by now, his knuckles where turning white.  
“I..I..Don’t...” Mark stammered. He was petrified, he had been going through this for 8 years now, and it never failed to scare him. Scenes like this replayed themselves in his dreams; well they were more like nightmares. All he could think about was his family, and how he couldn’t let this happen to them.

Trevor walked towards him, threw his laptop across the room and grabbed him by his collar. He dragged him off his bed and threw him against the wall, planting a stinging punch square in his stomach, knocking the breath straight out of him. Mark doubled over in pain, but Trevor hauled hum back up and sent the next puck into his ribs. This time he let Mark fall to the floor; he curled himself into a ball and clutched his stomach in pain. Trevor grabbed Mark by his hair and yanked his head so his ear was millimetres from his lips.

“Next time you give me lip, I won’t go so fucking easy on you, got that?” Trevor spat.  
Mark only managed a quick nod. With that Trevor threw his head back down again and left the room, leaving Mark crying uncontrollably on his bedroom floor.

The next day was the day of the auditions. Mark was going to go on his own, but his mum insisted that she take him. He didn’t argue, he just wanted to get this stupid audition over and done with. It had never crossed his mind to join a boy band; it just seemed like a waste of time. The hard work, constant rehearsals and having to live with and tolerate complete strangers that you have never met before. The list was endless. He just didn’t want to do it. Plus if he did, by some miracle, get into the band they wouldn’t be successful, they would just be a joke act that everyone took the piss out of.

Mark tried to keep all of these thoughts in his head, but it didn’t make him forget the real reason he didn’t want to get into this band. Trevor. He just knew that if it worked out, he would use it as an even bigger excuse to kick the shit out of him every day. He hated any man would didn’t act like, well, a man. Mark didn’t want to fuel his hatred towards him passed the level that it had already reached. He wouldn’t be able to cope.

They had arrived at the venue of the auditions. It didn’t look like anything special, just a normal building in normal Manchester. He thanked his mum and got out of the car, only to find that she was following him down the path.  
“Mum you don’t have to walk me in, just go!”  
“You don’t have to feel embarrassed” She teased.  
“Well I do, so please...” He could really do without this now; the last thing he wanted was to look like a pathetic little child. Mark looked down the road and saw another boy; presumably having the exact same conversation with his own mum. Well at least it’s not just me. His mum had walked back to the car by now, and Mark came face to face with the boy who had managed to wrestle his own mother away too. He had dark brown hair, green eyes, he was quite tall; well anyone seemed tall to Mark, and he had quite a babyish face. He can’t be any older than 16 surely. Weirdly, Mark could see himself getting on really well with this boy.  
“Hi, I’m Robbie” He held out his hand and Mark took it. Robbie had a really strong handshake.  
“I’m Mark” He smiled at him. The one thing Mark knew he was good at was smiling. After all, he won a competition in it for god sake.

They walked in together and came across three other boys. One had really blond hair which was spiked straight up, and piercing green eyes. He was a similar height to Mark which made him feel a little better.  
“I’m Gary” Mark later learned that he was 19 years old, which made him seem like the best one to talk to.  
“I’m Jason” He was 20, so only a little bit older. He was really tall, and skinny. He had brown hair and blue eyes. Mark was warming to him already; he had a great sense of humour.  
The last boy was the tallest, and it turned out the eldest at 22. He had brown curly hair and blue eyes.  
“I’m Howard” Mark was unsure about him. He was really quiet.

After a couple of hours of chatting and getting to know each other, Mark felt like he knew these boys all his life. It was a strange feeling but he liked it, Mark had never felt like this about any of his friends before, but that was what he really needed right now, someone he could open up to and just have a laugh with. He really loved being around them, and after the auditions were over they all parted was and went home. However, Mark was unaware of what was waiting for him when he got back to his house.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter includes Robbie's POV and remember _italic_ is from Marks perspective*

 

Mark walked through his front door in a really good mood. He had just made four new friends that he got on really well with, and he had high hopes for the results of his audition. Even though he was still apprehensive about the whole thing, he enjoyed himself a lot, but the best thing was he didn’t have to worry about singing too much because Gary was defiantly going to be the lead singer, no questions asked in his opinion.

It was rare for Mark to be in a good mood; after all, he had other things in his life to deal with. As he walked up the stair in the direction of his bedroom, he saw that his door was slightly ajar. He slowly edged his head round the door to see Trevor sat on his bed winding a leather belt through his long fingers.  
“Hello Mark” He had that smile on his face that no-one wants to see, and a look in his eyes that resembles the Devil himself. _I can’t do this!_ Mark bolted down the stair towards the front door. Thunder claps of Trevor’s heavy and rapid footsteps followed closely behind.

Mark reached the front door a hauled it open and ran out. Just as he was about to make of off their driveway, he was yanked back so hard he nearly choked. Trevor had grabbed hold of the hood on his jacket, nearly lifting him clean off his feet.  
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” The vibrations of his voice travelled down his spine and shook every cell in his body. He just wanted to crawl into a whole and not come out until this was all over. Mark tried to struggle but Trevor’s grip moved to a tight hold around his neck. He couldn’t breathe.  
“You know the deal” Trevor began to drag Mark back to the house, practically picking him off the ground a carrying him. The door slammed and Mark was chucked onto the floor. A bold of fire travelled through his spine as the belt made contact with his back; tears began to stream down his cheeks as he prepared himself for the next blow.

At that moment the catch in the door began to unlock. Mark was hauled to his feet and shoved into the lounge as Trevor greeted his Mum, Daniel and Tracy. He stayed on the sofa as they entered the room and was greeted by his little sister jumping on his stomach. She was giggling happily and gave him a big hug; he hugged her back and sent her on her way. Daniel just said Hay. He wasn’t much of a hugger, but Mark didn’t mind.  
“How were the auditions?”  
“Yeah good thanks, I got in” His mum smiled like there was no tomorrow and gave him a huge bear hug. Mark tried not to wince as she was pressing against his already forming bruise.  
“I’m so proud of you” He was glad she was happy, that’s all he really wanted.

*Two weeks later*

This was a time that Trevor had decided to have a break. Thank God. He had spent most of those weeks practicing with the boys and getting to know them. He already had a really strong bond with Robbie and Gary and Howard and Jason were great too. Finally he could enjoy himself and have a normal life for once. These guys were different to any of his other friends, he could talk to them easier and most of all he had the best laughs with them as well. He liked to think that they liked him as well, although he was the smallest of all of them, he sure wasn’t one to miss out on all the fun, in fact he did most of it himself.

A lot had happened in those weeks, rehearsals, gigs, getting to know Nigel; who he didn’t like very much, a lot of female attention wherever he went and learning to love music so much more. It was really beginning to feel like he was in proper a boy band and he loved every minute. He wanted to write songs, but he was too scared to say so. Gary was the main reason for this, they had heard the songs he had written and put their own vocals into the background, and they sounded amazing. He had a true talent. Something hopefully Mark would be able to do himself one day.

Not only was there a lot of music involved, but a hell of a load of dancing as well. He couldn’t do as much as he wanted because he was still a bit bruised, but he did some. Howard and Jason were amazing dancers. He could barely keep up with them. He felt slightly disheartened with the whole thing as dancing was the only real thing he could do. Sometimes he didn’t feel like he should be there. They had all the components without him, but the one thing they didn’t have without him was his good looks and the cute smile. They were nothing without that. _Gary’s the talented one, Jason is the tall one, Howard is the funny one and Robbie is the cheeky one. You can’t not have the cute one._

Robbie loved spending time with Mark. He didn’t know what it was but something about him just made you want to give him a massive hug. He had never felt a stronger friendship with anyone before, and he intended to keep it that way. He was the youngest there and the cheekiest, but he was determined not to let that stop him. He didn’t want them treating him any differently just because he was the baby of the group.

He was talking with Mark and Gary. They were joking about and being silly. Mark started taking the mickey out of Robbie so he hit him on the back. As soon as he touched him he cried out in pain and hunched over. Robbie didn’t know what he had done; he hadn’t hit him that hard.  
“Mark are you okay?” He looked at him, his face full of concern trying to see what was wrong. Mark just shook his head and waved his hand in a dismissive gesture.  
“I’m fine Rob” He gave a weak smile and Rob knew that it wasn’t real. Mark’s smile was the type that you could tell when it was fake; it wouldn’t light up the room and stretch from ear to ear like normal.  
“I’m really sorry”  
“Are you sure your ok mate?” Gary was also full of concern, he knew he hadn’t touched him that hard and sensed that something was wrong, he just wasn’t telling them.  
“Look guys I’m fine, really” Mark walked of slightly limping. Robbie turned to Gary and knew he was thinking exactly the same.  
“Something’s not right” Gary said. Robbie nodded in agreement. He was going to get to the bottom of this, and Gary was going to help him.  
“What are we going to do?”  
“I don’t know yet, let’s wait it out a while, and see if he keeps acting strangely. We may have only known him for a couple of weeks, but it doesn’t take a genius to tell something’s up” That sounded like a plan to Robbie. They were all friends now, and they were going to look out for each other. No matter what.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This includes Gary's POV also there are some song lyrics in there, see if you can find them xXx*

 

It was really starting to kick off now. They had all agreed to do their first video, which had to be a bit outrageous otherwise they wouldn’t get noticed; well that was what Nigel had told them. The plan was they would roll around in jelly with a load of hot girls rubbing cream into their stomachs. Mark didn’t really want to do it; he still had a few bruises that Trevor had left. He didn’t want to let the others down so he just had to grin and bear it.

As soon as he took his top off, questions fired at him left, right and centre.  
“What the hell happened?”  
“Who did this to you?”  
“Are you OK?”  
Mark just dismissed them and assured them that he was fine; knowing that it wouldn’t work. You couldn’t get anything passed these four. He knew that one day he would have to tell them the truth. Which meant he would have to tell them about that day when he was nine years old. All of a sudden, memories and emotions came flooding back into his brain; he didn’t know if he could go through that again. It was strange; Mark hadn’t thought of that day for at least five years, he had been too focused on keeping his situation with Trevor a secret. If only he had done something this would never have happened. _It’s all my fault!!_

Gary saw Mark on the other side of the room getting ready. He had a few big bruises on his back. He hadn’t a clue what Mark was going through, but all he knew was that Mark was suffering because of it. He didn’t care that he had only known him for a couple of months; Gary felt very protective over Mark, not only because he was younger that him, but because he could sense that there was something he needed to tell everyone. Something that was tearing him apart. It pained him to see Mark going through this alone, and he just wanted to be there for Mark, till the day he has the strength to tell them what is happening.

He went over to see if he was feeling alright, his eyes were red and puffy, he had been crying. Gary felt a wash of guilt that he couldn’t do anything to help. That’s all he really wanted to do; he just needed Mark to tell him what was wrong, but by the state of him, he didn’t think that would be an time soon.  
“Are you ok Mark?” He put his hand on his shoulder. Mark tensed at the touch the relaxed again just as quickly. Gary slowly rubbed his back to try and show some support, but it didn’t work  
“I’m fine” He didn’t like Mark’s harsh tone. He was such a happy person, always smiling, laughing and just acting like Markie should.

Gary smiled slightly at the thought of his nickname. Robbie had given it to him after they were acting like little children. They were talking in baby voiced and Robbie just said  
“Owww, Markie that hurt!!”  
“But you started it Wobbie!!”  
After that it just stuck. Markie is the name for the child inside Mark, that’s where his smile and personality comes from, that is the little Markie that Gary and the rest of the boys loved.

Mark wasn’t that little child today; and when he was gone, everyone wasn’t in such a good mood as usual. Without Markie, everyone is just a little bit sadder. Gary wanted more than anything to bring him back. It wasn’t fair that someone was taking that away. He suddenly felt really angry. He hated this mystery person, even though he didn’t know who they were.

Gary was brought out of his thoughts when Mark pushed his hand away.  
“I’m only trying to help Markie” When he said that, it was like he was calling to that little person to try and get him to come out again. Doing this however was a big mistake.  
“Don’t call me that! I’m not a fucking child!” Mark was shouting in Gary’s face. He was taken aback by his sudden outburst and also slightly hurt as well; he didn’t know what he had done wrong, but it had sure made Mark mad.  
“Sorry” Gary mumbled back with his head down. He didn’t want to look Mark in the eye just in case he saw something he didn’t want to.

 _Oh well done Mark!_ He felt so bad for shouting at Gary like that; and he could sense that he was upset by it as well. He didn’t mean to snap at him, he was just a bit tired after last night. When Trevor says any place, any time, he sure means it. Gary had walked off by now, and Mark just felt so pissed off with himself he felt he deserved that beating he got. The one thing that he promised himself was that he would not take his pain out on someone else, and he had just broken that promise. _One simple thing and you can’t do it!_

Mark went looking for Gary and found him sat on the sofa in the green room. He went over to him and sat down keeping his eye firmly fixed on the floor.  
“I’m sorry Gaz. I didn’t mean what I said. It’s just that I’m going through a lot lately and I let it get to me and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you”  
Gary didn’t move, he just carried on staring straight ahead, his chin resting on his fists. Mark hopped that Gary could forgive him, he was really good friends with him and he didn’t want to lose him.

What felt like a lifetime of silence, Gary finally spoke.  
“Tell me the truth Mark, what’s going on?” _Oh god no, I can’t answer that, Trevor will kill me!!!!_  
“Nothing” He knew that Gary wasn’t going to let this go, but he had to get him off the scent.  
“You’re lying”  
“No I’m not, nothing’s wrong”  
“Then why do you have bruises all over you?” Gary was facing him now.  
“I fell over”  
“That’s a shit excuse and you know it! Look at me” Mark slowly lifted his eyes to meet Gary’s. His face was stern which made him cower slightly  
“What is going on?” Gary slowly let the question unfold letting the panic in Mark’s chest build higher and higher. His breathing became fast and he started shaking. He couldn’t tell Gary the truth because he knew that he would try to do something about it which would get him beat up. Mark couldn’t let that happen; he wouldn’t let that happen.  
“Nothing” He kept eye contact as he said it. Not wavering of flinching. Mark got up and left and Gary’s words lingered in his ears.  
“Your gunna have to hell me sooner or later, you can’t go on like this on your own”  
 _Why did he have to know everything?_ He had given no signs that something was wrong, yet Gary had figured it out anyway. He couldn’t let Gary get hurt by this.

It was 10:00pm at night and Mark was walking home along the streets of Manchester. Black sheets covered every inch of the sky; there weren’t even any stars tonight. Just the darkness and the bright moon. He got to the alleyway that led to the back of his house.

He had started going in through the back door since he joined the band. As they finished late, he didn’t wake everyone up if he came in through the back.

He had to turn several corners to get to his back gate. It was like a maze, but it was easy to remember. Left, Right, Right again, Straight on, Left, and then your there. As he was walking towards his final turn, a dark figure was at the end of the alley. Mark stopped and stared at it for a moment. He was a bit scared, but he soon dismissed this and continued walking. _Probably just another drunk, I always bump into them._ As he turned towards his back gate, the figure grabbed him and pushed him against the wall.  
“Look mate, I don’t have any money”  
The figure chuckled and Mark instantly knew who it was. _How could I have been so stupid?!_  
“Look Trevor...” Before he could finish, he felt the all too familiar pain once again in the pit of his stomach.  
“I’m gunna go easy on you today, only because you have been a good boy” He gave him that patronising tone. Mark hated being spoken to like that; when people would undermine him just because he was short. That didn’t make him stupid! Fury began to boil inside him. Trevor had made his life hell, was causing his friendships to be at risk and he had his whole family fooled.

Mark lashed out and hit Trevor in the face. He stumbled to the floor, blood pouring from his nose. He looked up at him, his face plastered with rage. Mark stood his ground. Trevor got up and walked towards him. Mark threw a punch, but Trevor grabbed his arm and twisted it around his back, planting punch after punch into his kidneys. Mark yelled out in pain as his head was smashed against the brick wall and kept there by a strong hand. His hair was getting ripped out by the roots and his arm was getting twisted in places that would cause it to snap. Mark felt a huge weight press against his body as Trevor leaned his face millimetres from his own.  
“If you ever do that again, I’ll turn on your fucking mother, you got that?” Mark tensed at the mention of his mum. Was that a real threat or was he bluffing? He didn’t want to risk having any member of his family suffer because of him. Mark was brought out of his thoughts as he was slammed against the wall again.  
“ANSWER ME!”  
“Yes!!!” Mark shouted, determined not to let the tears fall. He was thrown to the ground, the side of his face scrapping against the wall as he went. He put his hand to his check; it was wet and sticky, he looked at his fingers and saw blood _Oh great, how am I going to explain this?_ Trevor left him with a final kick in the ribs. He stayed there for a while, alone on the cold ground.

Mark was beginning to drift off. He was so tired. Before he could he felt someone shaking him awake.  
“Mark wake up!” Their voice was so distant; he just wanted to be left alone. Reluctantly he opened his eyes and saw a very familiar face.  
“Gary?” he wheezed, barely audible.  
“It’s ok Mark, come on I’m taking you to my house” Gary lifted him to his feet and led him out of the dark alleyway towards a car that Mark presumed was his. Gary helped him into the back seat and he lied down, his scared cheek facing upwards. He got into the front and began to drive towards his house, staying at a slow speed so that Mark wouldn’t fall off the seats. He couldn’t help but blame himself. If he had just done something faster, he may not be in this position. Gary saw the whole thing but he just stayed glued to the same spot. How useless was he? He didn’t even try to help him. A single tear fell down his cheek but he brushed it away quickly. He had to do something, but at the moment his only priority was sorting mark out.

He reached his house and helped Mark out of the car; nearly his whole weight was resting on him. For someone small, he sure was heavy. Gary took him into the lounge.  
“Lie down Mark” leading him towards the sofa.  
“No Gary...”  
“No arguments, lie down” Mark did as he was told; he was too tired to argue.  
Gary left the room for a moment and came back with a blanket and a bowl of warm water. He knelt next to Mark and put the blanket over him. With a damp cloth he began to clean up the nasty scar on his cheek. He flinched as the cloth came into contact and winced at the pain. Mark didn’t talk for a long time; he just laid there staring into space.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Gary asked for the hundredth time, and he finally got a response.  
“I was scared” Tears threatened to fall, in both his and Marks eyes. He spoke so quietly he strained to hear.  
“I didn’t want you to get hurt. It was my problem to deal with”  
“How long has this been happening”  
“I don’t want to say”  
“Mark please” Gary was desperate now. He needed to know what mark had been through and more importantly, how to stop it.  
“Eight years” Did he just say that?  
“You haven’t told anyone for all that time? You can’t go on like this he’ll end up killing you!” Gary was filling up. The extent of what he just said had hit him because it was true. Trevor would kill him if he had the chance.  
“I can’t do right from wrong. I try to help myself, then others get hurt, I keep others safe and I get hurt. He said he would go after my family and I can’t let that happen. I’ve let them down enough to throw this in their direction as well” Mark was crying now. Uncontrollable sobs flooded out of him. Gary took him in his arms and held him close, his own tears falling as well. He couldn’t believe that he had gone through this alone for so long. He should have done something sooner.  
“Something’s going wrong with my life. I don’t know how it happened but I just want it to be alright. Gary make it all go away!” Mark was really crying now; he buried his face in Gary’s chest and cried his eyes out.  
“It’s all going to be ok, I promise” Gary couldn’t hold it in any longer, he let the tears take over and he began to cry with him; letting them fall onto Marks hair that he was stroking gently. He wasn’t going to stand idly by and watch his best friend suffer like this.

Mark had fallen asleep and Gary stayed there for a while making sure he was comfortable. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping, leaving all the pain of real life behind he was taken away into the land of dreams. Gary retired to his own bed and stared at his ceiling for a while, planning what he was going to do. Soon he joined Mark in the imaginary land, unaware that darker days were drawing near.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

Mark woke the next morning with the memory of last night still fresh in his memory. He had told Gary about Trevor, but he still didn’t know the half of it. He was sort of glad he had told Gary; it was like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. He still wasn’t ready to tell him the whole truth, but this should fuel Gary’s curiosity for a while.  
He walked into the kitchen and made himself a cuppa. After a while Gary walked in.  
“Hiyah Mark, you ok?”  
“Yeah I’m good” He gave a weak smile, he couldn’t give his usual one cause it would hurt the scar on his face. Mark hadn’t looked at it yet.  
“That looks nasty” referring to his scar. How was he going to explain this to everyone?  
“It’ll heal”  
“We have to tell the guys about this” Mark felt a rush of panic take over  
“No we can’t Gary, if Trevor finds out I told even one person about this he will kill me, or he will go after my family. You can’t tell anyone!”  
“Mark, I can’t just stand by and let this carry on”  
“Promise me Gary, don’t tell anyone” He was practically begging him. He couldn’t let this get out. Everyone would throw accusations at him, smother him and Trevor would find a way to talk his way out of it; his mum believed anything he said.  
“I’m sorry Mark, I can’t”

The car journey was painfully silent. Mark didn’t want to speak to Gary. Just one little thing he wanted him to do and he wouldn’t do it! He stormed out of the car walked towards the studio, Gary was close behind. He was met by the others and they instantly wanted to know what happened. _W _hy_ can’t I just crawl into a whole and stay there?_  
“It’s nothing guys, I was there, it was an accident” Gary’s voice perked up from behind him. He turned to see him smiling and Mark smiled back; ignoring the pain it caused. The others seemed to accept this and began taking the mickey.  
“Ooohhhhh Markie getting into fights”  
“Bad Ass Mark, you showing your evil side?”  
He was so relieved he didn’t have to explain himself. He had gone through enough the past24 hours without adding this to the pile as well.

As they walked to the recording room, he lingered at the back with Gary.  
“Thank you”  
“You’re welcome” He smiled at him.  
“Why did you change your mind?”  
“I decided that the best person to tell them what was going on is you” Mark stopped in his tracks.

“What?” _Don’t say it Gary, Don’t you dare!!_

“You’re going to tell them Mark and if you don’t, I will” With that he walked off. Mark was left in the corridor alone. _What am I going to do?_

So Gary had left him with this monumental task. He didn’t know if he could do it; tell them about Trevor and what he had done. It had been secret for so long, he would rather forget the last eight years, rather than re-live them again. He just knew that if the secret was to get out, everyone would be affected, it wasn’t fair to let them get subjected to the suffering he had gone through. Mark also knew that if he started telling the truth, he wouldn’t be able to stop. He would have to go back to that day when he was eight years old... N _o, don’t think about it Mark!_ He dismissed the thought and walked into the recording studio.

The day had gone really fast. Mark had tried to put off his confession for as long as possible; if he didn’t tell them he knew Gary would, so they would find out sooner or later. Gary had been giving him looks all day; subconsciously telling his to get it over with. He was trying; he was really trying to tell them but it was just so hard, and he was scared. It was pathetic but he was really scared of what was going to happen. What if Trevor came back for him, or his family? _Can I really do this?_

“Guys, Mark has something to tell all of you” Gary addressed the boys as we were all together in the green room. Mark gave him a horrible stare, his face showing nothing but fury. _Why did he have to do that?_ He took a deep breath and began to talk.  
“Uhhhh...Yeah...Ok. Um, you guys have been wondering why I have come to rehearsals covered in bruises right?”  
They all nodded with concern across all of their faces.  
“Well that’s because I’ve...” Mark paused. He couldn’t do it.  
“Tell them Mark” Gary urged him to go on.  
“Wait, you know?” Robbie spoke for the first time in ages.  
“I found out yesterday, anyway go on Mark”  
Mark was shaking now; he didn’t want to tell them, he just wanted to run away and hide.  
“T...T...Tr” Mark stammered, he could hardly bring himself to say it.  
“It’s OK Mark, you can tell us” Jason reassured him with a sympathetic smile on his face. It helped, it really helped.  
“Trevor beats me.” There he said it. He finally said it. Gary let out a sigh of relief and the others had their mouths half open in complete shock.  
“How long has this been happening?” Howard asked him.  
“Eight years” Mark whispered Howard had to strain to hear.  
“WHAT?” Robbie, Jason and Howard said it in unison. He just stared at them; his eyes began to fill with tears. _What am I meant to say?_ Jason got up and gave him a massive bear hug. Mark accepted it and buried his head in Jason’s shoulder. The hug was soon joined by Robbie, then Howard and finally Gary. _Group Hug!!!_

Gary had purposely positioned himself so he could see Marks face. He gave him a huge smile and mouthed ‘Thank You’. Mark gave him a smile back. A single tear fell from his cheek and Gary reached across and brushed it away. The hug separated and Robbie was the first to speak.  
“So what are we going to do about Trevor? Call the police? We have to do something” Gary looked at Mark and gave him a questioning look. He just responded with a blank expression.  
“We’ll sort Trevor out later” Gary decided that was the best thing they could do. He was just so happy the Mark had told them, they were in this together.

“Oh will you now?” they all turned to face the door and saw Trevor at the entrance. But it was also the exit.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

Mark stood there frozen to the spot; his eyes wide open with shock. _This couldn’t have come out worse!_ Trevor was staring at him; his face was etched in fury and his hands were clenched into fists so hard, his knuckles turned white. He had been the most scared he had ever been. Not only had he just heard that he had told someone about what he’d done, but the fact that he had told four people made the situation a whole lot worse.  
“How did you get in?” Jason asked in a small voice, he didn’t even know who he was, and he was scared of him as well.  
“I’m a relative” Trevor’s voice was a low growl and it came from the pit of his stomach.  
“No relative treats their flesh and blood like that!” Howard shouted right at him. Mark nearly jumped out of his skin and the sudden change in volume. He didn’t like this; Trevor had a look that only murderers were known for, crazy, evil and menacing.  
“I didn’t come here to get a lecture from a child, I came here for Mark” Trevor made his way towards them as he spoke; looking down on all of them, his eyes firmly set on Mark.

Robbie, Jason, Howard and Gary formed a protective barrier in front of their friend in an attempt to shield Mark from Trevor’s reach. He only laughed in response.  
“You really think some pathetic children will stop me getting to him?” he mocked the lot of them. He made a lunge for Mark, but the others pushed him back against the wall so he narrowly missed Trevor’s grasp.

“Don’t make this worse for yourselves” _Great, now he’s making threats._ Mark was beside himself; he was shaking uncontrollably. He couldn’t believe that the guts were doing this for him.

“You should have kept your mouth shut Mark” Trevor was addressing him now. Mark shrunk against the wall, trying his best to keep away from him.  
“He didn’t want to tell us” Gary told him, stepping forward and challenging his dominance.  
“What?”

“I made him tell us, me not him!” _Gary, what are you doing?!_

“You?” Trevor edged closer to Gary. He was so much taller than him; Gary had to tilt his head up to look him in the eye.  
“Yeah me”  
“Gary, what are you doing?” Robbie’s voice held nothing but concern, he held out his hand beckoning Gary to take it, but instead he brushed it away, never taking his eyes of Trevor’s.  
“You don’t have to do this” Mark had pushed his way in line with the others; pleading with Gary to back down before something terrible happens. But he had left it too late.

Trevor grabbed Gary by the throat and slammed him against the wall; lifting him off his feet leaving him suspended in mid air. The others yelled out as they watched their friend begin to suffocate right in front of them.  
“TREVOR STOP, LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!” Mark was screaming at Trevor; tears streaming down his face. Gary was turning blue, yet he continued to struggle against his grip. He wheezed, desperately trying to get some air into his lungs, but the grip on his neck was too strong. Gary’s eyes began to flutter and he was beginning to go limp, he didn’t have long left.  
“Trevor he’s lying to protect me, I told them because I wanted to. Don’t hurt him please!” Mark was begging him. Panic began to rise in marks stomach, spreading to every inch of his body. Trevor wasn’t listening, the grip on Gary’s neck got tighter and tighter.  
“TREVOR PLEASE LET HIM GO! YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH ME, I DON’T CARE, JUST DON’T HURT HIM, PLEASE!” Mark hadn’t cried so much in all his life. The amount of tears he shed could have filled the Albert Hall; he just didn’t want Gary to get killed because of him. Trevor didn’t pay any attention “PLEASE TREVOR!”

Just as Gary’s head began to droop, Trevor released his grip and threw him to the floor. Gary was breathing heavily, taking in huge gulps of air to try and get his breath back. Mark collapsed onto the floor next to his friend and tried to see if he was ok. Soon the others were at Gary’s side, concern and fear etched across their faces.  
“Oh my god! Gary are you ok? I’m so so sorry, I didn’t mean for it to happed” Mark’s face was tear stained and yet more threatened to fall. Gary was too busy trying to catch his breath, but to respond to his worry he put his hand on Mark’s and gave it a reassuring squeeze; as if to say ‘I’m okay, I know it wasn’t your fault’ Mark squeezed his hand back but that wasn’t enough, he wrapped his arms around Gary’s neck and gave him a massive hug. He weakly returned the hug, still breathing very heavily.

“All right that’s enough” Trevor’s voice sounded from behind Mark, but before he had a chance to react he was getting dragged away from Gary and the others. He tried to cling on to Gary’s arm but his hand slipped away.  
“Let him go!” Gary tried to shout and chase after them but he was too weak to do anything. The others however weren’t. Robbie bolted towards them and grabbed Mark’s hand, trying desperately to hold onto him, but Trevor yanked him even further towards the door. Mark struggled with everything he had; lashing out with his fists and legs but none of it seemed to faze him.

Jason and Howard had resorted to the tactic of attacking Trevor himself. This just seemed to make him even angrier. He tossed Mark out of the room so hard that he hit his head against the wall; he was dazed and couldn’t see straight he started to crawl down the corridor but could barely keep control of his limbs. _Oh god I’m going to die!_ That was the last thought Mark could remember as his whole world turned to darkness.

Trevor fought against Jason and Howard as they continued to throw themselves at him. He’d had enough of these kids, especially Mark. He was going to get the beating of a lifetime for this. He drove his fist into the air and made contact with the side of Howards head. He fell to the floor and Jason rushed to his aid. Robbie was the next to attempt an attack, his fist landed square in Trevor’s jaw and he stumbled backwards. He could taste the blood already. He grabbed Robbie by the hair and lobbed him in the direction of Howard and Jason. Gary was trying to get back to his feet; his eyes wide with shock at what had just happened, but he was still too weak to even attempt to do anything. Trevor gave him an evil smile before slamming to door and turning to Mark who was on all fours in front of him. He had caused him too much trouble to be of any more now.

Trevor slammed his boot into the side of Mark’s head and he crumpled to the floor. Security were sprinting down the corridor but they were still a great distance away. He picked Mark up and slung him over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift. He ran to the exit where he had parked his car and flung him into the boot. Speeding of to an unknown destination, Trevor had to decide what he was going to do with Mark.

Gary went over to the guys to see if they were ok. Howard was badly bruised but he didn’t have any lasting damage.  
“We have to go after them” Robbie said, already getting up and moving to the phone.  
“What’re you doing?”  
“Calling the police”  
“No, call Mark’s mum, if anyone can do anything about Trevor it’s her” Robbie seemed to accept this and told her everything that had happened. He hung up the phone and they all ran out of the door.  
“She said that Trevor still owns a flat that he used to stay in, he would have taken Mark there”  
“Let’s go then!”

When they reached the flat, the door was half open and one light was on inside. Gary, Jason, Howard and Robbie slowly crept inside and made their way to the room that the light was coming from. The room had a tattered sofa, stained carpets and a lot of sheets scattered around the floor. They scanned the room to see any impression that Mark or Trevor had been here and their search came to a shuddering haltwhen they saw a trickle of blood from behind the kitchen counter. It looked like it had never been cleaned in three years; grime and dirt coated the surfaces and cupboards making them look mould.

Behind the counter was Mark. He was on his side; one arm hanging limply over his stomach and the other outstretched with his fingers slightly curled into a weak fist. Howard gasped as they saw the cause of the blood. Mark had a huge cut in the side of his stomach and it was quickly oozing blood that formed a red puddle around him. Gary went over to him and knelt by his side.  
“Mark?” He called his name gently, praying that he would get a response. Mark moaned and moved his head ever so slightly. Tears were already falling from all their eyes.  
“He’s alive” Huge feelings a relief took over all of them. They had their best friend back, and they weren’t going to let him go again.  
“It’s all going to be OK, I promised you that remember?” Gary stroked Mark’s hair and stayed with him all the way to the hospital.

Mark’s mum took the news the hardest. When she arrived at Mark’s hospital room all she did was scream and cry that her little boy was hurt. She felt like such a useless mother, she couldn’t believe she had allowed this to happen, and right under her nose! She couldn’t believe that she had allowed Trevor to manipulate her like that and worse, let her own son pay the price for her stupidity. She never left his side; she was there every day and every night, Daniel and Tracy didn’t understand what had really happened. All they wanted was for their big brother to be alright. Tracy held her brothers hand, but Daniel still felt weird about doing it, he held Mark’s hand regardless, he needed him and he wasn’t going to let him down.

“The police told us that they tracked Trevor’s passport and he had gone abroad” Gary was sat next to Mark, his mum on the other side.  
“Good, I don’t want him anywhere near my family again”  
“Don’t worry, he won’t come back” Gary gave her a weak smile and left the conversation there. The only thing they were concerned about now was Mark’s health. The doctors said the wound was not so deep that it punctured any organs, but he had still lost a lot of blood. He was making a good recovery so all they needed to do was be there for him.

Mark’s mum had gone to get a coffee and report back to the family and left himself, Robbie, Howard and Jason alone with their best friend. None of them spoke, there was no need to, they all knew what each of them was thinking, and they all felt the same way. ‘We’re all here for Mark’ Maybe they could finally move on from this and enjoy their time as a band and as friends, together.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a lot more of Mark's thoughts in this chapter which are in _Italic_ , I can't stress that enough. Plus you can tell it's what he is thinking by the context. Toward's the end I had to think as a boy would, and because I'm not a boy, I'm a girl, I was a little unsure of what to put so I just wrote the cliche of what most boys think. I don't know if it has the same affect but I gave it my best shot.*

 

It had been 3 years since Trevor has run away. Mark could still remember the damage he had caused, and he had the scars to prove it. He didn’t want to think about him anymore, the thought had only come into his head because it was the anniversary of the day he left. He couldn’t stop himself from thinking about it, but he would soon forget. His mum had got over him as well, although she never got another man, and she couldn’t trust anyone ever again. His brother and sister fussed him for a few weeks after he got out of hospital, he enjoyed it while it lasted; before they went back to their old ways once more.

He felt like a stronger person, both emotionally and physically. There was no way he would ever get himself into that situation again. Never. Mark was able to enjoy life again; he always smiled and laughed and just had a great time. He was going to live life to the full, always staying happy and positive. Never down or upset ever again, he’d gone through enough.

So much had happened in the past decade. The band was in full swing, number ones, sell out tours, solo songs for Mark which he loved doing and he was just living life to the max. He was having so much fun, especially with the guys. His bonds with them had grown ten times stronger and they were like brothers. They did nearly everything together; they had too because they were constantly having band meetings, but that was the best thing about being in this band, the friendships he had gained.

Beneath the surface of their showcased band life, there were hidden strains. Tension had started to build between Gary and Robbie. Gary thought that Robbie wasn’t pulling his weight and that he just got drunk all the time, not taking it seriously. Robbie felt he had nothing to do and that Gary was hogging all the song writing and singing. Mark could see where both of them were coming from, but neither of them talked to each other about it; they just carried on feeling this way. Mark hated it. They were two of his best friends in the world and they were at each other’s throats. He wanted to try and sort things out but if he got involved he would end up getting noticed and be at risk of getting kicked out of the band. Nigel had told them

“If I see any fighting or tension while you’re in the public eye, you’ll be out!” He was so strict with them. They weren’t allowed girlfriends either. _Can we breathe?_ He didn’t try and question these rules to Nigel’s face, he just had to get on with it whether he liked it or not. _Just keep your head down and keep working!_

Mark and the lads decided to go on a night out together. Somewhere remote, so they wouldn’t get swamped by loads of girls. It had been a while since they all went out together on something that has nothing to do with work. It gave them a chance to relax.

They were at their own table and they had the best topic in full flow. Girls.  
“So what had a secret girlfriend there not telling us about?” Howard kicked off the conversation.  
“I’m looking at you Jason!” Robbie threw accusations straight at him, knowing that he would give the best reaction.  
“Who, me? Don’t be silly” Jason said it in a high pitched voice and moved his eyes from side to side in a clear sign of guilt.  
“He _has_ got someone, spill the dirt, who is she?” Gary leaned into the table, a massive grin on his face, eager to know what Jason is hiding.  
“She’s a friend that I’ve known for a long time” Jason was fiddling with his glass, clearly embarrassed that he has to talk about it.  
“Have you shagged her yet?” Robbie said in a shocked voice, his eyes wide and full of childish glee.  
“So _that’s_ who I saw you with!” Mark had added to the conversation and his comment made everyone roar with laughter. Jason tried to defend himself and deny it, but he was drowned out by everyone’s laughter.  
Jason slumped back into his chair defeated as the laughter died down. Mark was still giggling for at least ten minutes afterwards.  
“Mark, stop giggling!!” Jason was getting a little irritated now.  
“Sorry Jay” He gave him a smile and tried to compose himself, he couldn’t help but laugh, it was just so funny.

The evening was coming to an end. They had talked a lot about girls, Robbie tried to chat one up at the bar, which resulted in a slap in the face. None of them let that go for the rest of the night. They constantly threw sly comments at him.  
“Shall I go get that girl to tell you to behave?”  
“Don’t make me go get her!”  
“Rob got his ass kicked, by a _girl_!”  
Robbie just laughed it off. He enjoyed the attention he got from it and he wasn’t fazed by their comments, he would have his turn one day. He just enjoyed it while it lasted, making light of the situation.  
“It’s not like any of you lot could get her!” Robbie threw that challenge out near the end. All of them protested, stating that they could get her easily. None of them went obviously, but Mark did.  
“Go on Markie!” They all watched in eager anticipation, waiting for him to fail miserably so they could mock him. Mark decided to play it cool. He walked up to the bar and perched himself next to the girl Robbie had failed to pull.

“Hello gorgeous” He started with a compliment, it had served him well in the past, so why wouldn’t it work now?

She smiled back and blushed slightly. _Wow, she really is gorgeous!_ He was slightly unsure of what to say next. He had suddenly become really shy and he didn’t really know why.

“Hello” She had a small, sweet voice and a beautiful smile. Focus Mark  
“You recovered from my friend yet?” he tilted his head in Robbie’s direction with a smirk on his face. She giggled in return.  
“Yeah, he wasn’t much trouble”  
“I saw, you gave him quite a pounding”

“What makes you so sure you won’t get one as well?” _Oh, she’s playing hard to get._

“Cause I’m twice as good looking as him”  
“What makes you so sure?”

“You can’t stop staring at me” _Gottcha!_ She blushed even more and turned away slightly. Mark was satisfied that he had won her over.

“Listen, I’ve got to go but hopefully I will leave with an extra number in my phone” he raised his eyebrow at her, she gave him a looks that practically said  
“You’re a cocky bastard but I love it”  
“Does that work on all the girls you meet?”  
“Yep” Mark was stood there rather pleased with himself as she began to scribble her phone number down on a little piece of paper. He looked over to the others who all had their mouths half open in complete shock. He waved at them and showed them a smug smile before turning back and taking the paper of the girl.  
“My names Mark by the way”  
“Oh believe me, I know who you are” she smirked at him. _She is so fucking fit!!!_  
Mark couldn’t help but smile widely; being in a boy band certainly had its perks.  
“What’s your name?”  
“Emma”  
“That name is nearly as pretty as you” _Oh god that was bad!! Idiot_ She knew that it was bad as well.  
“That is so cheesy!”

“Yeah, I don’t here you complaining though” _Saved!!! Well done Markie!_

Emma smiled yet again, completely taken over by him; he was so cute and charming. She had never met anyone like him before, they were all usually so cocky and arrogant, not Mark though, he was genuine. Was she falling for him already? He was in a huge boy band for god sake! He didn’t have time for her, she wasn’t good enough.  
“I’ll call you” He smiled at her. His smile was so beautiful, it was bright and full, she just wanted to kiss him so much. Emma was finding it so hard to contain herself, her insides were screaming and leaping about with joy, but she stayed composed on the outside.  
He winked at her as he turned and left, she could have sworn her legs were about to give way after that, putting the paper with her phone number on it in his pocket. She was so happy, happier than she had been in a long time. Her friends were going mental when she turned back to them; Emma was focused on getting her breathing back to normal, but it didn’t stop her enjoying the moment with her friends.  
“Oh my god Emma! You’re so lucky!”

Maybe that’s what she was, just lucky. Mark wouldn’t call her; he had too much on his mind. She told herself that he wasn’t going to call and to just forget about him, but she couldn’t. He was so gorgeous and charming and cute and fit and he had a nice ass as well! He was just perfect. He was way out of her liege, but then there was some small chance he _might_ call her again, but it wouldn’t develop into anything serious. Emma couldn’t get Mark out of her head for the rest of the night.

Mark walked the whole way home with nothing but Emma in his head.

_Oh my god!! She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen!! She knew who I was, so she knows I’m in Take That but she didn’t make much of a deal about it, maybe she isn’t a massive fan but she just likes the band. I have to call her, I can’t miss an opportunity like this, I don’t care what Nigel says, I can’t let her slip through my fingers just cause he says so! I’m not getting controlled anymore, it’s MY life! I’ll call her tomorrow. We haven’t got a meeting so it won’t affect anyone. I can’t wait to see her again. She has a gorgeous smile, a fit figure and the starriest eyes of anyone I’ve met! I could get lost in those eyes for hours. She’s perfect. Hang on, am I falling in love?_   



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the longest one I have written. Hope you enjoy it, took me two days to write xXx*

 

_Just call her Mark, don’t be such a pussy! What’s the worst that could happen? It’s not that hard, you pick up your phone, dial her number and ask her out. Done!! Oh my god, why am I such an idiot?!_

Mark had been up since 7am trying to think of the best way to ask Emma out. He could not get her perfect face out of his head. This is the first time he had felt this way towards any girl he had met. Sure, he had been in relationships before, but they never went anywhere serious; and he hadn’t felt the same way with them than he does with Emma. She was different somehow; she was sweeter, kinder and more genuine that other girls he had dated. He had been nervous about dates before, but this is the most nervous he had ever been.

He spent the next two hours pacing around his house, looking at his phone for a while then continuing to pace around; replaying what he was going to say in his head over and over. He had to get this right or he would lose her.

Mark finally plucked up the courage to call her. _You can do this, man up!_ He dialled her number and waited for her to answer. After what felt like an age, he heard her voice on the other end of the line.  
“Hello” She sounded croaky, like she had just woken up _Shit, I woke her up!!_  
“Err... Hi Emma, It’s Mark, sorry have I woken you?”  
“Oh, hi Mark” her tone suddenly changed, it was a mixture of shock and delight. “No, it’s alright”  
“Sorry” _Stop apologising!!_  
“Mark really it’s ok”  
 _Say something!!_ Mark had suddenly gone all quiet. It’s like the planed conversation in his head had just vanished. He had to make it up on the spot.  
“Mark?” Emma’s voice interrupted his thoughts, bringing him back to reality.

“Sorry, Ummm I was just wondering...” _Just say it!!!!!! “_ Would you like to go out for a coffee... or something?” _A coffee! A fucking coffee!? Oh real smooth Markie!_

“Um, I can’t right now...” _Shit_ “But I’m free for 12” YES

“Well that’s lunch time so why don’t we have lunch instead?” _Better..._

“Yeah, I’d like that” He could practically hear her smile as she spoke.  
“Great! You know that little café on the corner of Michael’s road?”  
“Yeah, shall I meet you at about half twelve?”  
“Sounds good! I’ll see you there”  
“Bye Mark” And she was gone. He’d done it. He’d asked her out.

Mark leapt around the kitchen, punching the air with his fist. He was so happy. _Yeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!_

Emma was just as ecstatic as Mark was. She wasn’t really sure that had just happened. She hadn’t stopped thinking about Mark since last night. She was so sure that he would never call her and that she would never see him again. She wasn’t good enough for him. He was gorgeous and sweet and she was just nowhere near as good as that. There were loads of prettier girls in the world than her, yet he called her anyway. _Her_ out of all the other girls he could get that were so much better than her. She felt like the luckiest person alive.

Mark was sat in the café waiting for Emma. He had been there since quarter past. The last thing he wanted was to turn up late. He just drank tea. He thought it best not to fill himself up and not eat anything when she was actually here. Mark had a table on the other side of the café; he thought it best not to be next to the window; that would make him an open target for paparazzi which would then give him, and Emma, a lot of media attention. That wouldn’t be fair on Emma, so he avoided it at all costs. Mark just sat and waited until she walked through the doors.

Emma arrived at the café and scanned the room to find Mark. She spotted him on the other side of the room giving her a little wave. He was so cute. She walked over to him and he got up to great her.  
“Hi Emma” Mark was smiling his smile. It was adorable.  
“Hiyah”  
“I ordered you a tea” He gestured to the mug on the table.  
“Aww thanks Mark, It’s freezing” She sat down and clasped her cold hands around the warm cup, thankful for the heat it provided. Mark sat down opposite her.  
They sat in silence for a while, not sure what to say to each other. Emma began to think that Mark hadn’t really prepared a conversation topic. She couldn’t get over how cute he was. He was wearing black jeans, a blue hoodie and a thin coat. She hadn’t seen his shoes yet; but she thought they would probably be some sort of trainers.

They got into a conversation at last and learned quite a lot about each other. Emma loved what she heard, especially when he talked about the fun times he’d had with the Take That boys, they sounded like such sweet guys, but not as sweet as Mark. She found out about his family as well. When he talked about them his tone and body language suddenly changed. For some reason Mark didn’t look like he enjoyed talking about his family. Emma wondered if something had happened, but at this moment she would have to wait and see if he would tell her.

Mark was enjoying hearing about Emma’s life, her family, friends, hobbies and interests. He learned that they have a huge amount in common; she was even more beautiful than he had remembered as well. Her eyes shone even brighter in the daylight, he found himself staring at them as she spoke, getting more lost within them every second. It was not long until she noticed that he was staring. _Uh Oh..._  
“What are you staring at?” Emma smirked at him as she asked the question. He loved it when she did that.  
“Nothing” He fiddled with his glass, trying to distract himself. She knew exactly what he was doing so she dragged the glass away from him, leaving him completely open to interrogation.  
“Yes you are, what is it?”  
“Honest, I’m not” Mark couldn’t help but smile a little. Emma found herself staring at his little smirk. It was just too cute.  
“Now who’s staring?” Mark got his own back. She tutted at him defeated which caused him to giggle. Emma loved Mark’s laugh, it was the sort that you couldn’t fake.

Mark and Emma decided to go for a walk in a nearby park. They both enjoyed walking so they thought it would be nice. They chatted and giggled as they explored, there was a moment when Emma pushed Mark and he nearly fell into a nearby pond. She could not stop laughing and soon Mark had had enough and chased her until they found a bench were they could rest.

They collapsed onto the bench and got their breath back. Emma began to fiddle with a loose strand of hair when they couldn’t find anything to say. As she was doing it Mark turned slightly so he was facing her and perched him arm behind her.  
“What?” Emma turned so she was facing him as well.  
Mark was grinning at her like a five year old. It was so adorable.  
“You’re so gorgeous” He rested his head on his hand and carried on staring at her.  
Emma blushed and tucked the strand of hair back behind her ear, slightly embarrassed. She turned back to him and smiled. He had a confused look on his face; his eyebrows were scrunched up on his forehead. He leaned forward as he reached out a hand to put the strand of hair back where it was. His fingers lightly brushed the length of her cheek which made her skin tingle at the touch. Mark began to play with her hair himself, looking from his fingers to her eyes. She couldn’t get over how beautiful he was. Ever so slowly, Mark began to lean closer and Emma did the same. He kept eye contact the whole time until their lips were centimetres away.

Just then Emma’s phone started to wring. They froze and Mark leant away and let out a sigh. He looked so disappointed that it nearly broke Emma’s heart. He was so sweet. He rested his chin on his hand so that his fingers curled over his mouth as she answered her phone. It was a short conversation and when it was over Emma turned back to face Mark.  
“I’m sorry, I have to go” She could barely get the words out. She felt so bad for Mark, he was probably really embarrassed.  
“It’s alright” He spoke in a small voice and gave her a weak smile. It was heartbreaking. He looked so sad; she just wanted to give him a huge hug.  
Emma got up and Mark got up to see her off.  
“I’ll see you”  
“I had a lovely time Mark! Call me yeah?” She did her best to give him a reassuring smile.  
“Yeah” His smile widened slightly which made Emma fell a lot better, she turned to leave, then changed her mind and walked back up to Mark, who was looking a little confused now, and gave him a peck on the cheek before turning around and leaving for good.

Mark wasn’t sure if that went well or not. He came so close to kissing her and was left feeling like a total idiot. He was so embarrassed. Then again, she asked him to call her and kissed him on the cheek. _That’s good right?_ Mark just wanted to see her again. He had band meetings for the next few days and he didn’t want her to think he didn’t care. _Maybe if I call in sick?_ He would have to think some more about it, but at the moment, all he could think about was his beautiful Emma.

The next day Mark had a band meeting, but was determined to act ill so he could get out of the next one. He met up with the guys and stayed quiet for most of the time. He knew that they would find this unusual as he always did most of the talking. Eventually Mark was asked the question he had been hoping for.  
“Are you ok Mark? You’re really quiet”  
“I don’t feel well” Mark spoke in a small voice, trying to make it sound a genuine as he could. Nigel was in the room with them, so he couldn’t afford any mistakes.  
“Why don’t you take tomorrow off then Mark, come back when you’re feeling better” Nigel gave him the perfect opportunity.  
“I don’t want to miss anything important though” _That’s it, play the innocent card!!_  
“Don’t worry, I’ll E-mail you anything you’ve missed, now go home and rest” He didn’t need telling twice. Mark got up out of his chair and left the room. When he closed the door he dashed to the exit, jumped in his car and set off. _The plan has worked!!! Whoop Whoop!_

When Mark got home he decided to text Emma.  
 **Hi, it’s Mark; do you want to go out tomorrow? X** He wasn’t sure about putting a kiss at the end, but by the time he had realised he had already sent it.  
 ** _Bit busy tomorrow, but I’m free in the evening_  
Well how about dinner then? X**  
 ** _Sounds lovely, where shall we meet?_  
Why don’t I pick you up from yours? I can’t have you walking around town at night.**  
 ** _Aww your so sweet, that’s fine by me_  
Well I’m going to need your address x**  
 ** _Of course, I live at 24 Magpie Way, do you know it?_  
Yeah, shall I come at about 7?**  
 ** _Perfect, where are we going? X_** That was the first text that she had put a kiss at the end of. Mark was beginning to think that she might like him just as much as he likes her. Don’t get ahead of yourself Mark!  
 **It’s a surprise x**  
 **** _You’re such a tease! See you at 7 xx_  
Can’t wait x  
That was it, the conversation was over. Mark had a proper date with the most beautiful girl he had ever met. He couldn’t wait to see her again.

Emma was lost for words. She was going to go on a proper date with Mark! She had to pinch herself to see if this was really happening, and it was. She had so much to think about, most importantly what to wear. She had no idea where Mark was going to take her. She didn’t know what to do.

The time had come. It was 7 o’clock and Mark knocked on the door. He was very serious about being on time. Emma had chosen to wear a black lace dress the ended just above the knees and little black shoes. She had a small clutch bag with her phone in and some perfume, just in case. Her dad had answered the door and she could hear them talking from the top of the stair.  
“Hello Mr Ferguson, I’m here for Emma” He sounded do sweet.  
“You must be Mark?” Her dad stretched out his arm and they shook hands.  
“Yep, that’s me” Emma decided to come down the stairs at that point.  
“Hi Mark” She was in a cheery mood and spoke with a big smile. Mark was smiling back at her, staring at the dress she had chosen.  
“Wow, you look stunning!” Emma blushed at his comment; he made her feel so special.  
He was wearing black trousers, black shoes and a crisp white shirt. He was so handsome. She liked arms with his as they began to leave, waving goodbye to her dad standing at the front door.  
“Don’t worry sir, I’ll take good care of her” Mark called in the direction of her dad, he was such a gentleman. It made her love him even more. They got into the car and drove off. Mark still hadn’t told her where they were going; she just hoped she wasn’t to over or under dressed.

After a while they pulled up outside a really fancy looking Italian restaurant. It was so beautiful, Emma had never been anywhere like this before. Mark was the first to get out of the car; he went round and opened the door for Emma. She couldn’t help but smile.  
“Thank you kind sir”  
“You’re welcome my lady” Emma started laughing; Mark had put on a really posh voice which sounded so funny. He was laughing as well as they walked into the restaurant holding hands. They sat at a table for two in the centre of the room. There were chandeliers all around, candles on the tables, beautiful decoration. It was perfect. Mark ordered at bottle of white wine to begin the evening as they began to chat and giggle throughout the whole night.

They ate their three course meal, which was the best food either of them had eaten, and decided to go out onto the balcony for some fresh air. Mark had had the best time with Emma, she was so easy to talk to and they always had a laugh. She was so beautiful.  
He spotted that she had began to shiver slightly, so he put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a hug, rubbing her other arm to warm her up. She snuggled her head into his chest and Mark rested his chin on her head.  
“Tonight has been amazing Mark, thank you”  
“You’re welcome, you deserve it” Mark felt her smile against his chest; he tightened his grip on her slightly and planted a kiss on her hair. Emma moved so that she was looking at him. Mark was only a little bit taller than her, but he still had to look down a bit to meet her eyes. She placed her hand on his cheek and smiled at him. He took the hint and began to lean closer to her. She did the same. _Here we go again_

Just as they were about to lock lips, someone grabbed Mark and dragged him away from Emma. They spun him round so that he was facing the mystery person. He was a little taller than Mark, but not by much. He looked really angry.  
“Josh? What are you doing here?” Emma piped up from behind Mark; he put a hand on his arm as she stood next to him.  
“Stay out of this Emma” he snapped back at her and she shrank against Mark for support. He placed a hand on her back trying to comfort her.  
“What the hell are you doing with my girlfriend?” _Girlfriend?! What the hell??? M_ ark was about to answer back, but Emma beat him to it.  
“Josh, we finished three months ago!” _Oh thank god for that!_  
“The relationship is over when I say it is” Josh grabbed Emma by the arm and began to drag her away from Mark; he rushed in front of him and blocked his path.  
“Let go of her” His voice was menacing. Emma couldn’t help but feel intimidated, Mark was a happy person, but when he was angry, you didn’t want to get on the wrong side of him. Josh tightened his grip on Emma’s arm, which cause her to yell out in pain.  
“Or what?” Mark sized up to Josh and looked him right in the eye. He was breathing heavily, Emma was really scared him when he was like this, plus it didn’t help that Josh was crushing her arm.  
“I won’t tell you again. Let. Go. Of. Her” He spoke so quietly, it was really intimidating.  
“No” _Big mistake_

Mark’s fist came into contact with Josh’s face; he staggered back, blood pouring from his nose, and let go of Emma’s arm, she instantly ran behind Mark who put out an arm to keep her out of Josh’s reach.  
“You stay away from her, she doesn’t want you anymore!” Josh began to get up and looked at Emma.  
“Is this true?” Blood was still coming out of his nose; he wiped it away which left a stain on his jacket.  
“We’re over Josh” He let out a long sigh and looked her in the eye.  
“Alright, but don’t come crying to me when he leaves you in the gutter!” _Like I would ever do that you stupid prick!!_ Josh walked passed them, and Mark turned to stay facing him, keeping Emma out of harm’s way. Then he was gone, forever hopefully.

Mark was still shaken when they pulled up outside Emma’s house. He had never lashed out at someone, or had been in that situation, since Trevor was around. He had won, and it felt good. He looked over to Emma who was staring at her fingers.  
“Are you ok?” He put a hand on her shoulder and rubbed it gently.  
“Yeah, it was just really scary that’s all”  
“I’m sorry, I hope that didn’t ruin your night” Mark felt so guilty for putting Emma through that.

“It’s not your fault Mark, it didn’t ruin anything” She looked at him and smiled. He smiled back, suddenly relieved. _She sure knows how to make me feel better._ Then he noticed a small bruise on her arm. He stroked it and Emma tensed at his touch.

“I should have done something” Mark was suddenly upset again. He had let Josh hurt her. _How much of an Idiot am I?_  
“I told you, it’s not your fault, it would have been a lot worse if you hadn’t have been there” She was stroking his arm now, trying to reassure him. Mark didn’t feel any better; he just hung his head down and looked at his hands.

Emma moved her hand from Mark’s arm to his chin, lifting his head back up so he was looking her in the eye. _Why are you so beautiful?_ Mark felt like the luckiest man in the world. He loved her so much; he was just too scared to say it. He wanted to kiss her so badly. Mark was brought out of his thoughts at the sudden feel of Emma’s soft lips against his own. He was shocked at first, but soon relaxed and returned the kiss. _Third time lucky!_ It was a gentle kiss, real and passionate, like they should be. Soon enough their lips were moving against each others in unison, Emma’s hand was still on his cheek and Mark slipped his hand through her hair. _At last!!!_

After a while, they parted and Emma smiled sweetly at him. Mark grinned back like a schoolboy which made her giggle, causing him to blush.  
“I’ll see you Mark” and with that she left the car. Mark watched her enter her house; she turned around to wave him off. He waved through the window and set off for his house. _I love you Emma Ferguson! I love you so much!!_ Mark wondered why he couldn’t say that to her face. Maybe it was because he was worried that it would scare her off. For whatever reason it was he needed to tell her; he couldn’t keep it to himself for much longer.

A minute later his phone buzzed. He looked down and Emma’s number flashed on the screen.  
 _ **Thanks again for a perfect night xXx**_ He smiled to himself as he read the text.  
 **Anytime, miss you already xx** That was the real truth, he did miss her already. She was so amazing and beautiful and sweet.

_**I miss you too x**_ _She misses me too!? I don’t think I have ever been happier!!! Don’t ruin this Markie, don’t you dare._

Mark was so happy that he failed to notice the paparazzi had clocked him. He would soon be front page news. Nigel would not be happy.  



	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

 

Mark woke the next morning to the sound of phone buzzing on his bedside table. He slumped back onto his bed not wanting to get up. _Oh go away!! It’s too early, actually what is the time?_ Mark turned and gazed at his clock, it took him a while for his eyes to adjust. _6:30?! Who the hell is waking me up at 6 fucking 30!?!?!?_ Mark was slightly annoyed and picked up his phone to see who had given him a rude awakening. He had 5 missed calls, 2 voice messages and 3 texts. All from Nigel _Oh no, what have I done now?_

Mark decided not to call him straight away; the first thing on Mark’s agenda was breakfast. He made his way downstairs in a pair of baggy jeans and no top to start cooking, but was stopped at the sight of the newspaper dangling from his letterbox. He picked it up and chucked it carelessly on the work surface.

After a while he decided he needed to call Nigel to see what the emergency was. Mark dialled his number and held it to his ear.  
“Hi Nigel, its Mark, what’s up?”  
Mark instantly retracted the phone from his ear and winced as Nigel screamed at him. He could clearly hear what he was saying even with the phone at an arm’s length.  
“WHAT’S UP?!, I’LL TELL YOU WHAT’S FUCKING UP, YOU SKIPPING WORK FOR SOME STUPID GIRL!!!!!”  
 _Oh shit, how the hell did he know?!_  
Marks eyes fell onto the newspaper. He lifted it up and looked at the front page. Sure enough it was a picture of him and Emma on the balcony at the restaurant. The angle that the picture was taken it looked like they were kissing. But we didn’t kiss then! Thankfully you couldn’t make out Emma’s face, but Mark was clear as day. The title of the article was ‘Could it be Magic?’ _Oh yes, very clever_

Nigel had stopped shouting so Mark took his opportunity.  
“Look I can explain”  
“Stuff that, I’m coming over, along with the others as well” Then he hung up. He was on his way with Gary, Robbie, Jason and Howard and Mark would have to stand there and say to them that he missed a band meeting to go on a date. _I’m not the only one who has done it, why do I have to be the one who gets caught?_

Mark was preparing himself for a huge argument. He knew he wasn’t the only one who felt strongly about the ‘No girlfriends’ rule, and he wasn’t about to let Emma go over this. She was the best thing that had happened to him in the past three years and he loved her, more than anything. No-one was going to take her away from him.

There was a sudden nock at the door which brought Mark out of his thoughts. He went to answer it and prepared himself for what was about to come, only to be face to face with...

“Emma!?”  
“Hi Mark, can I come in?” Emma’s face was tear stained and Mark was instantly concerned about what might have happened  
“Yeah course, what the matter?” Mark led her into the lounge and sat down next to her on the sofa, his hands holding hers as they rested in her lap.  
“Have you seen the newspaper?” She looked him in the eyes and hers filled with tears. Mark couldn’t stand seeing her like this. He put and arm round her shoulders and pulled her in close, her head rested on his chest and he planted a kiss on her temple.  
“Yeah, I’ve seen it” He began to gentle rub her arm with his hand in order to comfort her, but it didn’t seem to work very well.  
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to cause you any trouble” She was crying now, which only made Mark feel ten times worse.  
“Don’t be silly, none of this is your fault” He pulled her in even closer and rested his head on hers that was still on his chest.  
“But I know that Nigel and the others won’t be happy about it”  
“I’ll deal with them”  
“I can’t help but feel I’ve ruined everything” Emma was sobbing into Mark’s chest and her tears were falling onto his bare skin.  
“Hay now less of this” Mark put his fingers under Emma’s chin and made her look at him, her eyes were red and she looked so helpless, his heart nearly broke in two.  
“You haven’t ruined anything ok? You the best thing that’s happened to me” Mark cupped her face in his hands and wiped away the stray tears with his thumbs. He kissed her on the forehead and held her tight to him, Emma returned the embrace and nuzzled her head into his shoulder.

They stayed like that for a while until they heard a very loud knock on the door. Mark got up to answer it and sure enough Nigel and the others were stood there.  
“There he is, the traitor” If looks could kill, Mark would be dead as Nigel barged his way into Mark’s house. The others gave him sympathetic looks as they followed.  
“We’re on your side Mark” Robbie whispered to him as he was the last to enter.

Mark felt his spirits life slightly after Rob told him that. He felt stronger knowing that all of them were behind him. He didn’t know what he had done to deserve them as friends but they had helped him through such a difficult time in his life, and he was just so grateful that they were there for him. It seemed like no matter what he had done or what he said, they knew his reasons for it and they would be there for him through thick and thin. It was like Mark had a second family.

“Oh look, here she is!” Mark was brought out of his thoughts at the sound of Nigel in his lounge. Mark rushed in to see him standing over Emma while the others looked at each other with worried expressions on their faces.  
“She has nothing to do with this Nigel” Mark told him  
“Of course she does, she must be really special to you if you choose her over them” Nigel gestured towards the others and spoke in a sarcastic tone which only made Mark angrier.  
“Yes she is special to me, so I suggest you back off” Mark had placed himself in front of Emma and was staring Nigel right in the eye.  
“Right, anyway lets discuss this on our own shall we” This was the only thing Mark agreed with, he didn’t want Emma in the room while they argued. She got the hint and left the room to the kitchen.

As soon as the door closed Nigel pushed Mark so he was sat down on the sofa.  
“Right, what was the first rule I told all of you?”  
“If you can’t sing, mime?” Robbie, the joker, piped up. All of them started giggling which only infuriated Nigel even more.  
“Do you want to join him?”  
“OK” Robbie came and sat down next to Mark, putting an arm around his shoulders. They both beamed up at Nigel like two little kids.

“Anyone else?” _B _ad_ idea_

Gary, Howard, and Jason followed suit and sat down on the sofa with Mark and Robbie. Nigel’s eyes widened in shock as the all started giggling even more.  
“So you’ve all been breaking the rules?”  
“Well I’m not sure about Gary” Robbie got a harsh kick in the shin for that comment which fuelled Howard and Jason laughter.  
“Shows what you know Williams”  
“Alright enough!” Nigel’s voice stopped their conversation and brought them back to reality.  
“So you _all_ have girlfriends?!”  
“Yes”  
“Yep”  
“Yeah”  
“Yes”  
“Obviously”  
“Right, I am going to leave you all with a choice, either break up with your girlfriends or you’re out of the band”

Mark’s world came to a standstill. _This can’t be happening! How can he ask us to do this?!_  
He was sure he was going to erupt with fury. He wasn’t going to do this. The others instantly began to object.  
“You can’t do that!”  
“You don’t just drop a girlfriend that you have been going out with for 2 years!”  
“I’m not going to do it!!!! You can’t make me!”  
“You’re so full of shit Nigel, you can get lost”  
“I love her!!!!” Mark screamed it out before he had even thought about it, his eyes were filling with tears, but he didn’t let them fall.  
“Don’t be stupid Mark, you don’t know what love is!!” Nigel was shouting at him.  
“I’m 21 years old!!! I think I know how to love someone!”  
“Does she love you?!”

Mark really couldn’t answer that question. He had no idea if she felt the same way. He honestly didn’t know, and Nigel knew that.

“She doesn’t does she?” Marks mouth was half open, he didn’t know what to say, no words would come out.  
“Does she?!!” Nigel’s sudden outburst made him jump.  
“Do any of your ‘girlfriends’ love you?” He was addressing the others now. They too had no answer. They could say that they loved them all they wanted but Nigel knew he would win. They loved their careers too much, especially Gary, even if it would break his heart to carry on. In some way, they all felt the same, no matter how much they denied it. They couldn’t believe that Nigel was putting them through this. Their career or the girls they love.

_It’s not fair!!! The best thing that has happened to me since Trevor was around is Emma., and I’m not even allowed to have her!! What the hell have I done to deserve such a shitty life? I just want something special that I don’t have to share with anyone, and that could have been Emma._

Mark’s tears started to fall down his cheeks, he brushed them away quickly but Robbie had noticed and put an arm around his shoulders to comfort him. Mark just shoved it off and turned away from all of them. He heard Robbie sigh from behind him and couldn’t help but feel guilty. He didn’t mean to take it out on him, he was just so angry and upset he couldn’t think straight.  
“Don’t worry, you’ll get over it” Nigel looked down on him sat on the sofa. Mark glared at him and stormed out of the room to the kitchen where Emma was, but when he opened the door she wasn’t there. He closed the door to make sure the others couldn’t see, or at least knock before they came in. The back door was open. He went out and saw that the gate was open ajar. _Oh no, she must have heard us shouting, she’s run off._

Mark ran back into the kitchen and saw a piece of paper on the work surface. He picked it up and realised it was a letter, from Emma. He slowly began to read it, dreading the worst.

..................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
 _Mark,_

Just to answer your question, yes, I was listening and I heard everything. Don’t feel bad, I don’t want to get in the way of your career or your life that was meant to be this way. You have the most amazing friends and the biggest amount of support just from them, let alone your family, and I don’t want to get in the way of that.

You are the most funny, charming, sweet, gorgeous, innocent, cute, happy, and genuine person I have ever met. I’m so glad that Robbie tried to chat me up at the bar, otherwise you would never have come up and shown off your amazing skills on how to pick up girls. The past couple of days have been the best of my life because I got to spend them with you.

I can’t stand the fact that I can’t be with you because of this stupid rule, but that’s how it is and neither you nor I can change that. Now this is going to sound horrible and I wish I didn’t have to say this, but don’t come and see me. I don’t want you getting into trouble and getting kicked out of the band just because of me, so please don’t jeopardise this opportunity by visiting me. I’ll be ok, I just want you to be happy. You may not be at first but that will come in time.

Don’t stop smiling, it’s too beautiful to be hidden...

Emma X

P.S: and when I say I heard everything, I mean everything. I never thought you felt that way, and hearing you say it made me realise that I love you too. X  
Goodbye Mark.  
....................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Mark screwed up the letter in his hand and cried his eyes out, his head in his hands. He knew he had only known her for a couple of days but he didn’t care. He really did love her. More than anything. But she was gone, and couldn’t get her back. She’d been taken from him.  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

 

It had been a week since Nigel and the guys had come round. Mark was still distraught and the others could sense that. They asked countless times what was wrong but he wouldn’t give them an answer, he would dismiss the entire topic and move on.

Surprisingly, the person who seemed to be the most concerned was Robbie. He would always try to comfort him, and stop the others from going too far when they were messing about. Rob had been the one that Mark had bonded with the most. He felt like they were all his brothers, but with Rob it was somehow stronger. Like twins. They knew what they were thinking, finished each others sentences, and always laughed together. They felt each other’s pain. Mark felt like Robbie knew exactly what was bugging him, but he didn’t want to bring it up in case it made him worse. He thanked him for that, even though he knew that Robbie would bring it up sooner or later.

Mark kept Emma’s letter with him all the time. He never let it go. He would read it over and over, especially the last bit.

.......................................................................................................................................................  
 _I never thought you felt that way, and hearing you say it made me realise that I love you too. X_  
Goodbye Mark.  
.......................................................................................................................................................

She loved him, and he had let her go. _I didn’t fight for her did I? I just let her slip through my fingers! I didn’t even TRY to hold on!_ Mark had never felt like this before. Sure he had felt sad, depressed and hurt before, but that was for different reasons. This was different. The pain came from the depths of his heart, almost like it was trying to sew itself back together, and each time the needle went through, the memory of losing Emma came flooding back.

Mark thought back to their first proper date. When he knocked on the door and saw how beautiful she was. How much she smiled and how her eyes twinkled in the moonlight. Then their first kiss in the car. How it was so gentle and full of love and passion. Mark wished more than anything to be back there.

“Mark, Mark! HELLO EARTH TO MARKIE!!!” Robbie was in his face trying to get his attention. He had been day dreaming again.  
“Huh?”  
“Have you even been listening?”  
“Sorry Rob, I was miles away”  
“You were thinking about Emma weren’t you?”  
Mark didn’t answer. _How the hell did he know?! I wish he would just leave it alone and let me get over it!! Why did he have to keep going on and on!_  
“Mark, answer me!”  
Mark suddenly felt really angry with Robbie  
 _Who does he think he is!? Telling me what to do, making me talk to him about something that I don’t want to! He can’t make me talk about it._  
“Mark please”  
“No Robbie! You can’t just waltz in and make me do what you want! Why don’t you just leave me alone!?”  
“I care about you Mark, I’m just worried” Robbie was hurt. Mark could tell.  
“Well don’t bother yourself!!” Mark stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him. _Well done Markie, you’ve really done well haven’t you?_

Mark sat down on a nearby bench and took out Emma’s letter for the millionth time this week. He read it over and over. It was the only thing he had left of hers. Mark was disrupted from his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder. He knew instantly that it was Robbie.  
“I’m sorry Mark”  
“No I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have reacted like that” Robbie sat down next to Mark and put an arm around his shoulders.  
“Why don’t you just go and see her?”  
“One, Nigel won’t let me and Two, she told me not too”  
“One, Screw him! And Two, you’re listening to her?!”  
“Well I can’t just barge in on her can I?”  
“Mark, she loves you and you love her! You can’t just ignore that!”  
“I don’t know if I can”  
“Look we have been stupid enough to let our girls go, but we didn’t even know if they loved us or not. She has said herself that she loves you. Go get her back man!”  
“Come with me?”  
“Damn straight! I was going to drag you there myself sooner or later!” Mark laughed at this. The one thing he could rely on Robbie to do was to make him laugh; he was the master at lightening the mood and it really did work.

They walked to Emma’s house while planning what Mark was going to say to her. It took them the whole journey to plan it out. They even rehired it. Mark was himself and Robbie played Emma. It wasn’t a successful rehearsal, mainly due to the fact that Robbie would reply to Mark in the most stupid ways that Emma would never dream of saying. They abandoned the play and continued walking in the direction of Emma’s front door.

Mark spotted it instantly. As soon as Emma’s house homed into view he saw the last thing he wanted to see.

 **‘Hastings Estate Agents**  
24 Magpie Way  
Sold’

 _No, NO!_ Mark sprinted to the front door, completely forgetting about Robbie who was shouting after him not to jump to conclusions, but he was already slamming the palm of his hand against the door he once saw Emma close behind her after their kiss. A man Mark had never seen before opened the door and looked at him in complete confusion.  
“Emma! Emma, is she here?!”  
“What Emma Ferguson?” Mark nodded frantically, tears already forming in his eyes.  
“That family moved away two days ago”  
Mark’s world came crashing down on him. He stopped breathing for a second, his brain still contemplating what the man had just said. _No, this can’t be happening, she can’t be gone she just can’t be!_  
“Where did they go? You have to tell me!”  
“Sorry mate they didn’t tell me”  
“No, it’s not true!” Mark screamed and he couldn’t control the tears any longer. They fell freely down his face as he grabbed his hair in his hands and cried. He felt Robbie slowly begin to pull him away.  
“Thanks mate” He said to the man who was now stood there not sure what to do.

They reached the pathway and Robbie held the smaller man in his arms and he wept into his shoulder. He gently rubbed Mark’s back as the tears continued to pour out of his eyes. He was shaking uncontrollably and his breathing had become fast and rapid. Robbie tried his upmost to calm him down but nothing seemed to work. His face was bright red and tear stained; he looked to helpless.  
“She’s gone Rob!”  
“It’ll be ok”  
“No it won’t! I’m never going to see her again, I left it too late” Mark’s sobs took over again. Robbie felt so useless. He wasn’t good at dealing with these sorts of situations, but he would try his best for Mark. He hated seeing him like this. He’d been through too much already to go through any more pain.  
“Come on Mark, let’s get you home” He led him home where hopefully he would regain some composure to talk again.

Mark couldn’t remember what it was like to have his heart in one piece. It had been shattered yet again. _I should have done something! Why didn’t I do anything?!_

Robbie had left him in his house after Mark assured him that he was fine and would prefer to be alone. He needed his own space right now. Mark hated himself. He had let the perfect girl move away and he would never find out where she was. He was never, ever, going to see her again and it was his fault. _Can I do anything right? I can’t look after myself, I can’t look after my family, I can’t keep a girlfriend, I can’t even sing and I’m in a boy band! What am I even here for?_

Mark looked at himself in his bathroom mirror. His face was red, tearstained, had the odd scar here and there, he deserved them. Mark felt his anger with himself begin to boil inside him.  
“Trevor was right wasn’t he!? You’re a stupid, pathetic excuse for a human being. You’re a shit son and you can’t do anything right! You’re a worthless piece of scum! You deserve every bit of pain you get! You should never have been born!”  
Mark slammed his fish into the mirror, making it shatter.  
“OW!” He yelled out in pain as there were several shards of glass sticking out of his knuckles. He left it like that for a while, allowing the physical pain the over shadow the pain in his heart. He didn’t have Trevor to do it for him anymore.  
Mark spent the next ten minutes slowly plucking the pieces of glass out of his skin. He let the tears flow yet again, a mixture of pain and emotion, as he bandaged his hand up carelessly.

As he was curled up in bed, Mark held Emma’s letter close to his heart. He was so tired crying he just lay there motionless, clutching to the piece of paper that somehow kept himself connected to her. He felt like his heart had been ripped out, like his soul had been stolen from his body, leaving him just a hollow shell with no more emotion.

The next day, Mark was at the band meeting early. He felt awful. He had barely slept all night, mainly due to the fact that his hand was hurting so much. When he arrived, the only person who was there was Nigel. _Oh god, I can’t deal with him today!_

“Hiya Mark, arriving nice and early, that’s what I like to see!”  
Mark just smiled in response. He didn’t have the energy to talk much, and he wasn’t going to waste his breath on Nigel.  
Mark had Emma’s letter in his pocket as usual; he held it in his hand, never letting go. When the others finally arrived they called and waved at him. He instinctively raised his own hand, but quickliy pulled it back hid it behind his back, he bit his lip and looked down, knowing the mistake he had made.  
“What the hell happened?!” Robbie was straight in there. His face full of concern.  
“Nothing, It’s nothing”  
“Mark, that doesn’t look like nothing, the bloods pouring through!” Gary grabbed his wrist and began to take the bandage off, revealing his injuries.  
“You need to get this checked out!”  
“Fine, I’ll go see the nurse”  
“I’ll take you” Robbie gave him a look that meant he wanted to talk. Mark didn’t argue and just went along with it.

As Mark was getting his hand cleaned and bandaged up, Robbie was showing him how unhappy he was.  
“Mark when I left you alone in your house you said you were fine, that doesn’t mean you go around punching mirrors and hurting yourself. Next time I won’t let you go anywhere on your own for more than thirty seconds! Why the hell would you punch your own mirror in the first place?!”  
“I think you know the answer to that one Robbie” Mark was right, he did know the reason and he didn’t have to say so. His long sigh said it all.

Once they were out of the nurse’s room Robbie blocked his path and looked him sternly in the eye.  
“Look, I know how hard this must be for you, but please don’t go around doing stupid stuff like that. What is something serious happened and no-one was around to help? Did you think about that?” Mark shook his head, knowing full well that Robbie was right.  
“Please don’t do it again, we don’t want you getting hurt”  
“I Promise Rob” Mark was happy that he had Robbie to look after him, even though he was the youngest, Robbie did have his moments when he would act the most adult out of all of them, which was surprising considering he was getting into trouble most of the time.  
They put this incident behind them for now and moved on.

When they met up with the others the first thing they did was assure them that Mark was fine. There were hugs all round as they got into the meeting. It was the usual boring stuff and Mark daydreamed through nearly all of it, occasionally he would have a paper war with Gary and Howard while Nigel wasn’t looking. Their giggling would force him to turn round and give them all a dirty look. None of them paid much attention and carried on with their game; with Mark successfully targeting Jason with a head shot. After a while Nigel became fed up with their childish behaviour and put an end to the meeting, to the relief of the others.

They all retired to the living room where the fire was burning bright, warming up the whole room. They spent the evening chatting, laughing and watching the football. It was a good game, but none of them supported the teams playing so they weren’t too crazy about it.  
After a while Nigel suddenly appeared holding a piece of paper, a confused look on his face.  
“Who’s it this? I found it in the meeting room” Mark put his hands in his pockets and found that Emma’s letter wasn’t there. _It must have fallen out!_  
“It’s mine, I was wondering where it went”  
“What is it?” Nigel slowly began to open it. Mark lunged to get it off him but he moved it so that he couldn’t reach.  
“Nigel please, it’s private!”  
“Give it back to him Nigel; it’s none of your business.” Robbie perked up to try and help, but Nigel didn’t seem to take any notice. Mark watched as his eyes moved across the page and back again as her read Emma’s letter. Nigel’s eyes moved from the page to look at Mark.  
“Oh Mark, I thought you’d got over this”  
“I have!”  
“Then why do you have this?”  
“For comfort, now please can I have it back?” Mark was getting panicky. He was scared of what Nigel was going to do with it, and he had every reason to.

Mark watched helplessly as the letter entered the fire place. Flames engulfed the paper as it slowly turned into black ash, Emma’s words curling and breaking down before his eyes; that were now oozing tears.  
“Nigel! What the hell is wrong with you! Do you have any idea how much that letter meant to him?” Gary was furious. He knew exactly what Mark was going through as he’d had to go through the same with his girlfriend, though it wasn’t as bad as Marks ordeal.  
“He needs to move on! The band is his full priority, as it is all of yours!”  
“Not anymore” Mark’s voice was so quiet it was barely audible. They all looked at him questioningly.  
“What is that supposed to mean?” Mark felt the all too familiar anger boil inside of him, desperate to escape.  
“It means that I am sick of you and your rules ruining my life and dictating every detail of it! I’ve had enough of you Nigel! I QUIT!” Mark didn’t wait for a response, he stormed out of the room and down the corridor; the extent of what he had said already taking affect. _What the hell am I going to do now?!_

The others stared at the doorway Mark had just walked through, unsure of what to say. They were all gobsmacked at what Nigel had just done.  
“You were bang out of order Nigel, yet again!” Gary was still furious and ran out of the room in search of Mark, quickly followed by Robbie, Howard and Jason, who slammed the door when they had all left; leaving Nigel on his own with a band but no members.

Gary found Mark sat on a bench outside, his head in his hands. He sat next to him and knew that the others were right behind them. Mark didn’t say anything; he just rested his head on Gary’s shoulder, letting the tears slowly fall down his cheeks. Soon enough, the others were surrounding him. Robbie sat on the other side of Mark, with Howard and Jason knelt in front of him. He smiled weakly at them; he was too tired to do much else.  
“I’m sorry mate” Howard couldn’t think of anything else to say.  
“We all are” Jason added.  
“It’s not your fault” Mark managed to quietly squeeze out a sentence.  
They all stayed like that for a while, nothing more needed to be said. Robbie broke the silence after a while.  
“I think we’re all out of a job” they all smiled at this. He was right though, they had all  
collectively quit the band. None of them knew what to do next.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

 

It had been ten years since the band split. It was a traumatic time for everyone, including the fans. Mark had said goodbye to his friends and had moved to the Lake District, he needed to get away from everything instead of being constantly reminded of it every single day. He missed everyone obviously, they’d had such good and happy times together that it was hard for Mark to say goodbye to their company and support, but he had to do it to make himself stronger. He liked living on his own, it was peaceful and relaxing, but he did miss the chaos and action city life brought.

Mark had stayed in touch with Jason and Howard. He didn’t speak to them much but it was better than nothing. He also visited Robbie in LA a couple of times which was nice. He enjoyed Robbie’s company and they always had a laugh when he went to visit. Mark found that he was bonding with Robbie a lot more, they had become really close in the band, and now they weren’t stressed with business any more they could enjoy their time together without any worry of Nigel or a sudden rehearsal. Robbie had a successful solo career which Mark supported fully, but he couldn’t help but feel hurt by the things he had said about Gary and the Band, he didn’t bring them up, he didn’t want an argument.

Mark also spent a fair amount of time with Gary. They had written together for his solo career which was going well, and had made their friendship even stronger. Mark missed Jason and Howard a lot, and he was worried that they had somehow grown apart over the last ten years, but hopefully if they met again they would still be as close as ever. Luckily, that moment came.

Mark, Gary, Jason and Howard had decided to meet up. It was a brilliant feeling for Mark to see them all again. They had all matured into men, but they still acted like little kids around each other so it was good that their usual childishness hadn’t left them for good. They talked and talked for hours about what had happened in their lives. Gary had married Dawn, one of the dancers they toured with, and had had kids with her. Mark was so pleased for Gary, but he couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous, that’s when the memory of Emma came back to him.

He never stopped thinking about her since the day the band had split. He still loved her, after all these years and he hopped that she did too, but he knew deep down that she would have found someone else. _With a face and body like that? She could get any lucky bugger she wanted._ Mark envied the man who claimed her as his and wished that it could be him, but he would just have to learn to move on.

  
They all got drunk that night and for some strange reason Mark suggested that they start touring again. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but the next day doubts were setting in.

 _“Hello Mark?” I_ t was Gary who sounded hung-over  
“Yeah mate, what’s up?” Mark asked groggily.  
 _“Did we really call our manager last night and say we were going back on tour?”_ Gary asked worriedly.  
“I’m afraid so Gaz. Look, I’m sorry this is my fault, don’t you want to?” Mark asked a little disheartened.  
 _“It’s not your fault Markie and I do! It’s just a little sudden that’s all”_ Gary said  
“Well if you’re sure, I don’t want to make any of you do something you don’t want to” Mark said shyly.  
 _“For the last time Mark it isn’t your fault! We were all eager and willing to do it last night and we will be in the future too. We just gotta get our heads round it first”_ Gary reassured Mark that he was Ok with this, and he couldn’t help but feel excited.  
“Who would ‘a guessed? Take That back on tour” Mark said with a huge grin on his face.  
 _“You know what I think this could be a great comeback for us lot”_ Gary sounded a lot happier.  
“I’m getting more excited by the second. I’ll see you soon yeah?” Mark asked hopefully.  
 _“Of course mate! And don’t go too mad with your adrenalin, you’re like a rocket ship when you get going”_ Gary laughed down the phone.  
“Don’t worry, I can control myself now” Mark sensed Gary’s look of doubt down the phone “Bye”  
 _“See you mate”_ Gary hung up and left Mark jumping up and down on his bed.

***The Ultimate Tour – Manchester***

This tour had been the best thing any of them had done in ten years. They had all been hesitant at first, but as soon as they were in the ‘tour bubble’ they were having the time of their lives with their best friends. Mark was enjoying it the most, he could let out loads of postponed energy he had stored away living in the Lake District, and he was in his element once again. Mark and the others had been amazed with the amount of support they had received from their fans, and now they stood before then, on home turf, and made them proud.

The show finally finished and they were all exhausted. They all sat backstage in the green room and relaxed for a bit, but they mainly talked about the show.

“That was amazing!” Howard stated breathlessly.  
“I don’t think I’ve had that much of a high since I ate a whole bag of Haribo in ten minutes” Mark said bouncing up and down still full of energy. The others laughed at him when he said this, knowing full well what he was like when it came to sweets.  
“I love Manchester! They always have the best crowds!” Gary said as he sat and drank a fresh cuppa.  
“You’re telling me!” Jason replied “Did you see half the banners they were holding up?”  
“Yeah I saw, but I won’t repeat what they said, we have a youngster in the room” Howard gestured towards Mark, who gave him a harsh slap in the arm.  
“Youngsters don’t hit like that!” Mark said in a childish voice, but it was soon overcome by giggling as they all shared fits of laughter like they used to do.

Mark was so happy to be with them again. He missed them so much and now, sitting there laughing together, he realised just how much he really had missed them. The bonds they had made the first time round had weakened slightly with all of them, but now they were re-building and they were stronger than ever. Mark was going to hold tight to them and never let them go again.  
At 11:00pm, they decided to call it a night. Thankfully the next day they didn’t have a gig, so they could rest up and relax for the next one. Howard and Jason drove off after they said goodbye, leaving Gary and Mark in the car park.

“I can give you a lift if you want” Gary said out of the driver’s window. Mark leaned down so he could see Gary’s face a little better.  
“No your alright Gaz, I’m only staying round the corner, besides I like a little walk after a gig, you know that” Mark told him with a smile.  
“Yeah, the amount of times you’ve gone missing after a gig is amazing!” Gary said sarcastically. “Seriously Mark, get in”  
“Honestly I’ll be fine; I feel like a walk” Gary eyes him suspiciously “No I really do!” Mark said honestly.  
“Alright” Gary gave up “See you soon Markie” Gary called as he drove off to his house. Mark waved to him as he began to walk down the dark Manchester streets towards the hotel he was staying in.

It had been a lot colder than Mark had expected, so he pulled his scalf tighter around his neck and shoved his hands deep into his pockets to shield them from the cold breeze. Manchester was kind of creepy at night and Mark couldn’t help but feel a little frightened. _I should have taken the lift from Gaz!_ Mark began to speed walk towards his hotel O _h stop being so stupid Mark; you’re a grown man for god sake!_ Marks effort to calm himself down was short lived when he saw a figure leant against a wall ahead of him. Mark’s pace slowed for a millisecond before he mentally slapped himself across the face. _Grow up you coward!_

Mark kept his head up and his gaze facing forward as he drew closer to the figure. He didn’t slow down and he didn’t speed up. The last this he wanted was to give off any sign that he was intimidated. He passed the figure, never moving his eyes to look at it, and continued to walk on. Mark let out a small sigh of relief when he was a few yards away. _See! Worrying about nothing!_

Mark had just begun to relax when two men walked out from an alley in front of him, blocking his path. Mark’s heart began to race as he was forced to stop. He tried to walk round but one the men put a hand flat against his chest and pushed his back to the middle of the pathway. They were the classic sort of gangster looking men. Tall, well built, kind of like Phil from Eastenders but bigger and more intimidating. Mark mustered the courage to speak.

“Look guys if it’s money you want I...” Mark was cut short when he sensed another figure close behind him. He took in a deep shuddery breath when the person spoke.  
“You’ve aged Mark, yet your barely any taller” Mark shuddered, he knew that voice. Mark was glued to the spot, eyes wide, hands shaking, heart racing. He was sure he was going to faint.  
“Look at me when I’m talking to you, boy” The last word confirmed Marks worst fears. The man had slammed a hand into his back, causing him to take a sharp intake of breath that made all three men snigger. Mark slowly turned and looked up into the eyes of hell, his hell.  
A sinister smile spread across the man’s mouth that had haunted Mark throughout his childhood.  
“Trevor?” Mark breathed.  
“Hello again” Trevor said as he grabbed Mark by the lapels of his coat and pushed him up against the wall. “Did you miss me?” Mark couldn’t contain a whimper; he had never been this scared since he had been a child. Now he was a grown man who had become that terrified child once again.  
“Wh...How...I...I” Mark couldn’t get any words out of his quivering lips. His shaking hands gripped the arms of Trevor’s leather coat in a bid to stop the moving like they did when he was younger.

“What’s the matter?” Trevor asked in fake concern “Are you scared?” Mark’s breathing had become fast, which only confirmed Trevor’s question. _How can one man scare me so much even now?_

Trevor’s hand glided from Mark’s coat to his neck which made him shrink against the wall further wishing he could sink through it. Trevor squeezed slightly making Mark whimper again, he was trying desperately to show he wasn’t intimidated, but every sense of bravery had drained from him.  
“This is what’s going to happen” Trevor began “We are going to pick up where we left of thirteen years ago before you squealed like a rat, and for every meeting you’re going to give me money or I’ll have to tell these guys to break a few bones” Trevor gesture towards his two henchmen. “You got that?”  
Mark didn’t say anything or move an inch. He just carried on shaking and staring into space, focusing on a tiny light in a flat window opposite him to take his mind away from what was happening. When he didn’t answer, Trevor leant in closer, squeezing Mark’s thought harder as he did and whispered in his ear.  
“You got that?” Trevor repeated harder. Mark nodded his head quickly and Trevor let go.  
“Good, I’ll see you very soon” And with that Trevor, and his henchmen, walked off into the night, leaving Mark trembling against the wall, breathing fast with tears streaming down his face. He was a child again, weak, defenceless, terrified yet again.

After being glued to the spot for ten minutes, Mark sprinted to his hotel, went straight to his room and locked the door behind him. He didn’t feel safe here; he didn’t feel safe anywhere now that Trevor was back.

_How can this be happening? I thought he was gone for good, I thought this nightmare was finally over! Oh god, it’s all happening again. He’s gunna beat me up and now I have to give him money otherwise he’ll put me in hospital...again. I can’t tell the guys this time, I didn’t even tell them the first time, he’ll hurt them too I just know it. You can fight this Mark, you’re a man now. Oh god, I’m no man! I’m a pathetic coward! Oh god, Oh god! I should have known it was too good to be true!_

Mark sat on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into a whole and hide away from the world. He wanted to tell the guys; he wanted them here with him, to comfort him, to tell him that everything was going to be Ok like they did last time. Mark couldn’t take it anymore; he lied down on his bed, not bothering to get changed or get under the cover, and cried his eyes out. He felt so small and helpless, he was used to feeling short but this was different. He didn’t just feel small as in height, his whole soul felt smaller and weaker, every essence of him shrank into a tiny spec of meaningless dust that was just getting blown away from everything he knew and loved.

Mark was venerable and petrified. He thought he had left this feeling behind. Just a couple of hours ago he had been happier than ever, now he was all alone with his world crashing down around him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have embedded some picture of the Pub that sets most of the scene for this chapter, and also plays an important part in the whole story!

 

  
[ ](http://georgie-thatter.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/462/1923)

_I was running. I have no idea where to but I knew exactly what I was running from. You know those monsters that lived in your closet or under your bed when you were little? The ones that went away when you reached a certain age? Mine are still here at age 31. I am so scared and there is no-one to help me, I just have to keep running and hiding, praying that he doesn’t find me. He always does. He torments me, hits me, and laughs at me. I can’t get away from him. He towers over me like a giant while I run for my life. I can see Gary, Jason, Howard, Robbie and my family a short distance away from me. They can’t see him or me, but I run to them anyway. Then just as I am about to reach them, they slip away again, they leave me alone and terrified with my monster that calls himself my father. That’s when the fists begin to fly._

Mark woke with a start. He is still in the hotel room, still in the clothes he wore last night, and the tear stains on the pillows are still there too. Mark hadn’t had that nightmare for ten years; he’d forgotten how scary it had been and how real it had felt. Memories of last night came flooding back to him. Trevor had returned and Mark was alone again.

Mark brought his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them. He refused to let more tears fall, he had shed enough already. He knew he couldn’t tell anyone about this, and he had to be even more careful when hiding it. Gary was his biggest worry, he had helped him the first time round and he knew how it had affected him.

Mark flinched when he heard a knock at his hotel room door. He didn’t want to open it for fear of who was behind it, but knew he had to. Slowly he got up and walked over to the door. He cautiously opened it to a face he knew well.

“Gary?” Mark said a little shocked.  
“Hiyah Marko, what you up to?” Gary had a huge smile on his face which Mark tired to copy.  
“Not a lot really” Mark spoke casually.  
“D’you fancy going out with the guys today? It is our day of so we thought it would be good if we relaxed a little” Gary’s smile hadn’t faded and Mark found it difficult to say no.  
“Yeah, sound like an idea. I’ll just go grab my jacket” Mark went back into his room and took what he needed, before locking the door behind him as he left with Gary.  
“You Okay Mark?” Gary asked as they were walking. He had dreaded that question because he knew the answer would be a lie.  
“Yeah, why?” Mark asked as convincingly as possible.  
“You just seem a little quiet, and you are never quiet” Gary said as he scanned Mark up and down.  
“My voice is a little off and I don’t want to ruin it for tomorrow” Mark said trying to add a little wheeze to make it more believable.  
“Oh right sorry mate, thought something was really wrong then. You always go quiet when something’s up” Gary said as they reached his car.  
‘You have no idea Gaz’ Mark thought to himself as they drove off.

Through the car journey Mark didn’t say a single word, which was a big mistake. Gary knew he was lying and he knew that something was seriously wrong. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t just talk to him about it, and if not him then Howard or Jason. He wouldn’t even care if he told Robbie and not any of them, at least he wouldn’t have to bottle it up and keep it to himself. Gary knew he had to ask him what was wrong again, but he felt it best to wait a little bit. He had learned that Mark could never be forced to talk to them about things that were upsetting him, but hopefully he would tell them in his own time.

Mark was staring out of the window daydreaming, it was the easiest way to forget what was going on. He was so caught up in his own thoughts he failed to notice where Gary was driving to. He knew the area all too well, and once he cottoned on to where they were going, he began to feel his heartbeat quicken.

“Gary, where are we going?” Mark asked quietly trying his hardest to hide the panic in his voice.  
“Well the guys thought it would be good that, seeing as we’re in Manchester, we went to one of the good old pubs they have round here. We haven’t done it in a while, and we always enjoyed it, so it’s nice to do it again” Gary kept his eyes on the road and the excitement was clear in his voice, but Mark wasn’t so happy.  
“What pub are we going to?” Mark said  
“Well Howard found it, he said that it was really nice and the food was good too. Apparently it’s quite big from the looks of it he said.” Gary told him.  
“Yeah but what’s it called?” Mark was desperate to find out.  
“Ummm” Gary thought for a moment “Oh yeah that’s it! ‘The Old Wellington’ we’re nearly there”

Mark felt like he was going to be sick when he saw the pub home into view. He hadn’t been here in a long time, and he prayed that he never would again. Now he was face to face with it. Nothing had changed, which was the worst bit.

Gary got out of the car and noticed that Mark was still inside. “Mark come on, Howard and Jason are waiting.” Mark didn’t say anything, he just sat there staring. Gary noticed that he was white as a sheet.  
“Mark, are you alright?” Gary couldn’t contain his worry; he had never seen Mark turn like this before, and all over a pub?  
“I’m not going in” Mark whispered.  
“What are you talking about Mark? It’s only a pub” Gary was really confused. Mark slowly got out of the car but made no attempt move.  
“Well come on then” Gary ushered him but he just shook his head. Gary was about to speak when he was interrupted by Howard and Jason.

“Hay you two, we thought you were never coming” Howard said as he walked up to them both.  
“Yeah, we’ve been waiting for ages. Now are we going in or are we just going to stand here?” Jason was grinning as he spoke but it faded when he noticed how pale Mark looked.  
“What’s wrong with you? You look like you’ve seen a ghost” Howard said jokily.  
“Can we find somewhere else?” Mark asked with hopeful eyes.  
“Well we’re here now so we might as well go in” Jason was really confused at Mark’s behaviour but he couldn’t help but feel concerned as well.  
“I don’t want to” Mark spoke quietly which was extremely rare for him.  
“Oh don’t be silly Mark” Howard put an arm around his shoulders and tried to lean him in, but Mark pushed it away violently causing Howard to stumble into Gary who held him firm to stop him falling over.  
“I’m not going in!” Mark shouted.

The others stared at him in disbelief, Mark never acted like this, and it was completely out of character for him.  
“Alright Mark, we won’t go in, just calm down” Gary spoke gently and edged closer to Mark as he did.  
Mark was breathing heavily and his eyes were glossing over. He was never going to step foot in there and the others couldn’t make him. This pub brought back so many memories that he would rather forget about. He couldn’t believe he was back here again; he just wanted to run and hide from this place and never come back.

When Mark felt a hand on his shoulder, he flinched and took a step back before looking up to see who it was. Gary was looking at him full of concern, and Howard and Jason were not far behind. He relaxed a little and felt a tear run down his cheek. He hadn’t even realised he’d started crying. Gary pulled him into a tight hug moments after be brushed it away, he didn’t fight back the hug, he was grateful for it. Mark buried his face in Gary’s shoulder and tried to calm down before stepping away a looking at Howard.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you Howard” Mark said quietly.  
“It’s Okay mate” Howard said as he pulled him into a hug just like Gary did. There was no way they were going to let this go for a while, but there was also no way Mark was ever going to talk about this moment again.  
“Come on guys, let’s find somewhere else” Gary said as he made his way to the car. Howard followed and Jason put an arm round Mark’s shoulders, which he didn’t push away this time, and led him to the car as well.

Mark got in the back with Jason and they drove off in search of somewhere new to relax. Mark couldn’t shake the feeling that he had ruined today for all of them, Howard must have spent a long time looking for a nice pub and Mark has just made them go somewhere else. He felt really bad, but on the other hand he was relieved that they had left the pub behind, he knew that is he set foot in there he would never be able to have a good time with the guys, which was what he wanted to do.  
Mark slowly began to fall asleep on the journey to their new destination, and he dreamt of a day he hadn’t thought about in thirteen years.

 _“Come on Mark, we are going to have a father and son day today” Mark looked up to his dad in pure joy._  
“Are we going to the welly pub daddy?” Mark asked as he jumped up and down on the spot.  
“I think there is a good chance. Then we are going for an adventure!” Mark jumped up and hugged his dad with all his might. Mark looked up to him like any eight year old would, he was like a super hero. Mark loved his days out with his dad because they always had a good time and he would take him places his mum always said were too dangerous. Mark was ready to go out on his adventure with his father in seconds, excited about going to their special pub together, he couldn’t wait to go, but this trip would turn out to be the worst day of his life.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

 

Mark woke up the next morning in his hotel room. They had managed to find another place to go, but the evening wasn’t enjoyable. It was awkward and tense after Mark’s sudden outburst. Gary had asked numerous times what was wrong, but he refused point blankly, to tell him anything related to _‘The Old Wellington’_. It wasn’t just the horrible memories that it brought back, it was also the fact that if he said anything about it he knew that he would have to tell them the whole story. Mark was not prepared for that immense battle with his emotions just yet, and he honestly didn’t feel as if he would ever be ready.  
It was such a personal and sensitive subject that brought with it so much pain, that Mark would sooner forget than re-live the experience. Even though he was only eight when it happened, he could still remember it as clear as day, and every single day since, Mark wished more than anything that it had never happened. That all the suffering and heartache would have never consumed every corner of his heart. Maybe if it hadn’t he wouldn’t be the sensitive, scared and cautious person he is today.

Mark thought that maybe that was the reason Trevor had been able to do those things to him. Mark never fought back, he just accepted things as they came, got convinced that this was the only option. It felt strange to Mark that he was sometimes grateful for the beatings he got, because then it would drown out the emotional scars that he had. The pain would go for a while, and Mark was glad that he could forget for a short period of time.

It was only when Gary had found out about Trevor and told Mark that he didn’t have to go through what he did, that he didn’t deserve to be treated in such a way, that Mark began to believe that Gary was right. He had been through enough without having to deal with this too. He felt angry that he had allowed himself to be put into that position and that’s when he fought back, and it felt good. It was like he was strong again, like that awful thing had never happened, which was what he wanted.

Mark was brought out of his thoughts when he heard a light tap on his door and saw a letter slip underneath it. He climbed out of bed and opened the letter first. It read:

**_‘Hello Mark. I want my money at 1pm today. Meet me in the alleyway next to the off-licence on Queens Road. Sow up late and things will get a lot harder for you. T  
P.S. You can choose the amount, but choose wisely!’_ **

Mark began to panic at the thought of him showing up late so he hastily looked at his bedside clock. Luckily for Mark, he had woken up at 11:30am which gave him plenty of time. Mark guessed that Trevor had managed to track him down due to the band’s re-gained success. He and the others met for rehearsals several hours before the show started, and seeing as the show started at 8pm they would meet around 3pm. What concerned Mark the most was that he could choose how much money he gave to Trevor. _Well how much does he want? One hundred, one thousand, two thousand? What if I don’t give him enough and he goes hard in me? I can’t afford to turn up to the gig battered and bruised before we’ve even started rehearsals, Gary and the others would never let it go! Oh god, what do I do?!_

Mark decided to settle for five hundred pounds as he knew that this wouldn’t be a one-off payment. This felt like it was going to go on for a while and, not knowing how regularly this was going to happen, this was as much as he could afford. If it happened once a month then that would add up to sixty thousand pounds. Then he thought that if he paid more the beatings would be less frequent, but knowing Trevor, that was unlikely to happen.

Mark had a shower and got dressed before leaving the hotel and to get this over with. He had decided to grab a coffee and relax for a while before meeting Trevor. He took a seat next to the window so he could look up at the sky and daydream. He thought about loads of random things and he even started thinking about Robbie at one point. He missed him so much. There were times when he wished that Rob would come back and tell him that everything was going to be Ok. He felt stronger when Robbie was there with him, he felt like himself again. He wanted Robbie even more than anyone.

Mark checked his watch. 12:40. Queens Road was only a ten minute walk away so he decided it was better to be early that late. Just as he was leaving the café he bumped into a girl on the way out.

“Oh sorry” Mark looked up at the girl and froze instantly. He stood mouth half open and eyes wide, and he was staring at Emma.  
“Hi Mark” Emma spoke in a small and gentle voice. Mark had almost forgotten how therapeutic her voice was, but he never forgot how absolutely gorgeous she was. Ten years since they had met and Mark had never believed that she could become even more beautiful, and she had.  
“H-Hay” Mark spoke in a whisper. The memories of how she left came rushing back along with the countless nights he spent crying about losing her. That’s when Mark realised that he still loved her.  
“What’s up Em?” Mark heard another voice sound from behind Emma and looked to see who it belonged to. “What the hell do you want?” Josh asked bitterly. Mark felt like he had just been kicked in the gut. _Why would she ever go back to him? After 10 years? That’s it; I’ve lost her for good now._  
“Nothing,” Mark’s gaze returned to Emma’s “I’ll see you around” he said to her as he began to walk passed.

“Like hell you will” Josh sneered when he reached the door. Mark couldn’t contain a smirk when he heard the distinct thud of a hand coming into contact with a man’s chest, swiftly followed by protests. _Maybe she still has feelings for me after all._

Mark reached the alleyway at five to one. He decided to walk a little way inside rather than lingering at the entrance. Mark lent against the wall and waited for Trevor to arrive. Just then his phone began to ring in his pocket. _Why do people only ring me when I don’t want them to?_ Mark sighed in frustration and answered.

“Hello” he said in a slightly irritated tone.  
“Hiya Marko” Mark recognised Gary’s voice from anywhere, but as much as he loved the sound of it, now was not the best time to be calling.  
“Gaz I’m kinda busy at the moment” Mark said.  
“Oh sorry mate but this won’t take long. I just rang to tell you that we are meeting up earlier today” Gary said cheerily.  
“Oh Ok well what time?” Mark hoped that this really would be a short conversation.  
“Half One” Gary said simply.  
“Right Ok” Mark was about to end the conversations when Gary interrupted.  
“Where are you now? I’m just walking down Queens Road at the moment, maybe we could make out way there together before Howard and Jason bore us to death with their stories and jokes that are hardly ever funny” Mark froze. _Gary is on this road?! Oh god this cannot be happening._  
“Sorry mate I need to sort this little thing out first. I’ll meet you there Ok?” Mark felt bad about refusing to meet up. He normally always said yes.  
“Oh alright” Mark could tell that Gary was disappointed “Are you Ok though Mark? I mean what with everything that happened last night I’m just worried about you” Gary’s voice as littered with concern.  
“Honestly I’m over that now. It’s a new day and there is a gig to look forward to” Mark spoke in as much as a happy voice as he could.  
“Alright I’ll see you later Marky” Gary said.  
“Bye” Mark ended the call swiftly and breathed out in relief.

Mark had to wait a couple more minutes until Trevor found him. Mark couldn’t deny the fact that he was still terrified of him. He was still taller and broader than he was, that just made Mark feel even smaller.

“You got the money?” Trevor asked. It appeared as if he was on his own. Mark nodded and handed him the brown envelope with the money inside. As Trevor counted the money, Mark held his breath and prepared himself for what might happen next.  
“Five hundred pounds?” Trevor asked in a tone that was impossible to read.  
“Y-Yes?” Mark said tentatively.  
“You think this is enough?” Trevor said in the same tone. Mark didn’t reply. _Oh no, I’m going to get a beating aren’t I? Oh God!_ Mark tensed against the wall unsure as to what Trevor was going to do next.  
“Alright five hundred it is then” Trevor’s tone changed to an extremely cheery one, which really confused Mark. He continued to stand there and not say anything while Trevor pocketed the money and discarded the envelope on the floor.  
“S-So what H-Happens now?” Mark stammered.  
“You can go. I’ll be in touch” Trevor said. Mark didn’t know why, but he remained frozen to the spot. He didn’t believe that Trevor was going to let him go without as much as a punch.  
“Go!” Trevor’s yell snapped Mark out of his trance and he began to jog towards the exit of the alleyway, looking back over his shoulder a couple as times as he went. When Mark was out of the alley he took in a long and deep breath before walking along the road to meet up with the guys.

Rehearsals were finished and everything had gone well. Mark was acting like nothing had ever happened just a couple of hours earlier, smiling and laughing like he always did. None of them had asked him about the night before which Mark was glad about, now he could just focus on forgetting about it. He was talking with Howard and Jason when Gary called him over.

“Hiyah Gaz! Can’t wait for the gig tonight” Mark really was excited about tonight, but by the look on Gary’s face, he wasn’t. “What’s wrong with you?”  
“Do you have a problem with me or something?” Gary asked a little coldly. Mark was taken aback by this question.  
“What?” Mark asked.  
“I called you and asked if you wanted to meet up, but you apparently had other plans. Then how come I saw you coming out of an alleyway on Queens Road that you said you were nowhere near?” Mark could tell that Gary was hurt, and he mentally hit himself for being so careless. _This is going to be a hard one to explain._  
“Look Gaz, It’s not that I didn’t want to hang around with you, it’s just that I had something I needed to do” Mark knew that was a lame excuse.  
“Oh whatever Mark” Gary pushed past him a stormed off.  
“Gary I’m sorry!” Mark called after him but he didn’t stop or turn around. _Great! That’s just what I need._ Howard and Jason looked at him in confusion and he returned the look with a shrug of his shoulders and an exasperated sigh.

Gary didn’t talk to Mark for the rest of the night, despite his countless apologies and efforts to try and get him to talk to him. He decided to just let him come round in his own time and just enjoy the gig. It was brilliant. The crowd were amazing and they sand the songs nearly word for word. Mark felt so lucky to have been given a second chance in doing this, and was so humbled to receive so much support from about eighty thousand strangers. It was pure bliss.

After the gig everyone made their ways home almost immediately, which left Mark walking back to his hotel at night like he had done when Trevor came back. Mark couldn’t help but feel unnerved about walking this route again, but it was the only way back to the safety of his hotel. He was close to the hotel now and nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Just when Mark began to relax, a hand clamped around his mouth and he was shoved against a wall. He looked up and saw that it was one of Trevor’s men.

“What do you want? I gave Trevor his money” Mark said in a small voice.  
“You heard what the deal was. You pick up where you left off but you give him money as well, and we both know where you two left things don’t we?” As soon as he finished his sentence, Mark felt a rush of pain on the left hand side of his stomach as a fist came into contact with it. He was hauled up and punched again in the exact same place. Mark cried out at the pain and slid down the wall clutching his stomach struggling to breath properly.  
“We’ll be in touch” The man sneered, and with that he walked off into the night and left Mark on the pavement.

After a while of getting his breath back, Mark picked himself up and began walking slowly back to his hotel. The bloke that had punched him was taller than Trevor and he had punched him so hard that Mark had to put a hand on the wall as he walked to support himself. Mark tried to put some weight his left side but found that it stung too much. Soon enough, Mark ran out of wall to lean against and had to limp the rest of the way. _Maybe when I get into bed it will be better in the morning._

When Mark reached the entrance to the hotel, he was astonished to see Gary stood in the reception. _Oh no! As soon as he sees that I am limping he’s going to be asking all sorts of questions._ Mark took a deep breath and tried his hardest to walk normally, but he could tell that it wasn’t convincing by Gary’s face.

“Hi Mark I just wanted to say sorry for earlier I was being stupid” Gary spoke hastily and Mark knew that he wanted to talk about something else.  
“It’s alright Gaz” Mark did his best to smile but it came out as more of a grimace.  
“Mark are you alright?” Gary asked. He reached out a hand and placed it on his side causing him to wince. Gary’s face creased into even more confusion and concern.  
“I’m fine Gary” Mark’s voice was barely above a whisper. He felt his shirt being lifted up and stepped back quickly to avoid Gary seeing the inevitable bruise that was forming.  
“Mark talk to me, please” Gary practically begged as he continued to back away from him.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow Gaz” Mark said. He didn’t wait for an answer and instead he turned quickly and quickly made his way to his hotel room and locked the door behind him, leaving Gary stood downstairs overwhelmed with worry.

Mark couldn’t tell Gary what was happening. Heaven forbid if he got hurt as well. This was Mark’s battle and he would fight it alone without getting anyone else involved. He was perfectly fine, he was hardly in hospital. Mark hung his head when he remembered the time he actually did end up in the emergency room. The panic his family and friends went through, but that was only because Trevor found out that he had told someone else. If he didn’t tell anyone this time then that situation would never happen again.

Mark got ready for bed and couldn’t help but notice how big the bruise was. He tried to put some pressure on it but didn’t get very far so he decided to just rest instead. Just as he started to fall asleep his phone buzzed. He had one knew message.

**Mark, it doesn’t take a genius to know that something is wrong with you. Please talk to me, I’m your friend and I’m worried about you. I hate seeing you like this. You shouldn’t bottle things up, Howard, Jason and I are here for you, and you can trust us. Just please talk to someone, I don’t care who, I just want to make sure you are Ok.**

**Gary xx**

Mark could feel the tears forming in the back of his eyes. He hated keeping things from them, especially something like this but he had no choice. He didn’t have the courage to talk about this now, and he thought he never would. Mark didn’t reply and instead fell into a not entirely peaceful sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famouse and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

***Three Weeks Later***

Mark woke with a start. Another nightmare. They had come back again since Trevor had returned and they were as bad as ever. Mark had barely slept and had no idea what time it was, he looked over at his clock and saw that it was 6am. _Too early!!_ Mark crawled from under the duvet and padded his way into the bathroom. He caught a glimpse of his bruise in the mirror and it nearly pained him just to look at it.

Mark filled the sink and cupped some water in his hands and splashed it onto his face a couple of times, while staring at himself in the mirror, his fringe dangling damply over his eyes with drips of water falling from the tips, he found that he didn’t recognise himself anymore. The old Mark wouldn’t stand for this treatment; he would defend himself or ask his friends for help, but that Mark was gone. He was dead to the world. Trevor had killed him.

Mark didn’t know what to do anymore. He had the last gig tonight, he would have to face Gary and the others, hide the bruise, dance and sing while trying to disguise the pain it would cause him. So much hassle over something that they could help him with, or make worse. Mark had to choose. Help himself, or put the people he cared about in danger.

…

Meanwhile, Robbie was sat in his studio in LA. It was 10pm at night and he was trying to pluck up the courage to send an E-Mail to Mark. Gary had sent him one earlier, and Robbie didn’t like the sound of it.

_**Hi Rob, it’s Gaz. I need your help. Mark has been acting really weird lately. And when I say weird I don’t mean mischievous or hyperactive weird, I mean something is wrong. He’s barely talking, covering up his track wherever he goes, lying to all of us; I just don’t know what to do anymore. I have tried to talk to him, but he just runs away and hides from everyone. I’m really worried Robbie, he hasn’t acted in this way since the 90’s about you know what. If something else has happened that’s that bad, then I want to know about it so that I can just help him. You get that right? I know that you will be just as worried as me after reading this, which is why I want you to try and talk to him. He’s different with you, your like brothers and you hardly ever keep secrets. Please just try? If not for me then for Mark, Please?  
See you soon x** _

Gary never asked for help unless he really didn’t know what to do, and by the sounds of it he was desperate. Robbie loved Mark like a brother, and he would hate himself if he was given the chance to help him when he truly needed it and then didn’t. Robbie needed to know that Mark was okay, otherwise he would go mad.

**New Email to Marky**

**Hiyah Mark, it’s Rob. How are you? I haven’t heard from you in ages. X**

Robbie decided to start it off casually otherwise Mark would instantly know what his motives were. Surprisingly, Robbie didn’t have to wait long for a reply.

_**1 New Email** _

_**Hay Rob, sorry I haven’t been in much contact, the tours been taking up a lot of my time. I’m fine, just haven’t been getting much sleep lately but I’ll live, how’s you and Ayda? X** _

Robbie knew that lack of sleep wasn’t the real reason for Mark’s behaviour, and what he wanted to know was why he hadn’t been sleeping much, he knew it wasn’t nerves about the tour because that had never happened to Mark before, so why should it start now. _Right, time to stop bating around the bush,_ Robbie thought to himself.

**Recipient Marky**

**Yeah me and Ayda are fine thanks, but you aren’t are you? Gary has told me how you have been acting lately and he is worried sick and I’m sure Howard and Jason are too. What’s happening Marko? You can tell me you know, if you don’t want me to tell the others then I won’t, but you can’t hide it forever. Please Mark, your not on your own. X**

This time Mark didn’t reply for ages. Robbie thought that he had scared him away even more now. He began to get more agitated by the minute, all manner of thoughts pilling into his head, but thankfully Mark did reply, sort of.

_**1 New Email** _

_**I don’t know what Gary has been telling you but he had no right! I’m fine OK! Just leave it alone and stop hassling me about it, it’s none of yours or anyone else’s business anyway, just piss off will you!** _

Now Robbie was worried. Mark never spoke to him like that, no matter what they were doing; it was just so out of character for him. Something was seriously wrong, and he was not going to rest until he found out. Robbie booked a flight to England for tomorrow morning. He was going to get to the bottom of this.

…

Mark was so angry with Gary; he had no right to say those things to Robbie and now he had just made the whole situation ten times worse. Mark couldn’t lie to Rob, there was just something about him that made it impossible for Mark to lie to and knowing Rob, he would have booked the next convenient fight over here, and Mark would have a big problem.

Mark decided to try and get some more sleep. He needed rest to clear his head, and hopefully he would be able to think of what to do.

...

It was midday and Gary was trying to get hold of Mark but there was no answer. He knew where he was staying so he decided to go and find him. He made his way straight to Mark’s hotel room and didn’t hesitate for a second before knocking the door rather loudly. When the door didn’t open, Gary began to worry.

“Mark, I know your in there!” Gary called as he knocked on the door again.  
“What?!” Mark’s voice sounded from the room which helped Gary to relax slightly.  
“Let me in, I want to talk” Gary said a little more forcefully than he meant to.  
“Well I don’t want to talk to you!” Mark shouted  
“Well that’s tough Mark!” Gary said sternly “I’ll break this door down if I have to!” There was a distinct huff of annoyance before the door unlocked.

Mark was sat on the edge of his bed looking down at his feet and Gary felt a sudden urge to just hold him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. He walked up to the smaller man and crouched down in front of him as he tried to meet his gaze. Mark looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, his face was red and his eyes were puffy. Gary felt his heart crack at the sight before him.

“Oh Mark please talk to me” Gary begged. Mark didn’t say anything; instead he just shuffled uncomfortably on the side of the bed.  
“Look you don’t have to talk to me about it if you don’t want to, but please talk to someone?” Gary moved to sit next to Mark and put an arm around his shoulders. This time, Gary got the response he wanted. Mark nodded his head.  
“Thank you Mark” Gary smiled as he pulled him into a hug. Mark returned the embrace and held on for quite a long time before letting go and giving Gary a small smile.  
“Will you be alright?” Gary asked after a while.  
“Yeah, thanks Gaz” Mark spoke for the first time and Gary felt a huge relief. He got up to leave and turned before walking out the door.  
“I’ll see you at the gig” Gary said and Mark looked up and smiled slightly.  
“Yeah, see you” Gary smiled back and walked out of the room and left Mark on his own.

When Gary left the room, Mark returned his attention to the letter he was sat on.

 **Hello Mark**  
I’m going to be out of town for quite a while. One of my clients is playing up. Before I go you need to give me the money you would have done if I were to stay. That comes up at £5,000. Same place as last time at 10pm sharp!  
See you soon. T

 _How the hell am I going to get hold of 5000 pounds in the space of a day?! This is impossible! Oh God Trevor is going to kill me I just know it._ Mark was thinking of every way to try and get hold of this money, but nothing sprang to mind. Mark was brought out of hi thoughts by a knock at his hotel room door. He got up, dreading who might be on the other side.

“Hi Mark” It was Emma. Mark felt like he was frozen to the spot. He couldn’t move or speak; his mouth was half open and his eyes wide enough to burst.  
“Emma” Mark breathed after what felt like an eternity.  
“Look I’m really sorry about how things ended between us. I can’t begin to imagine how you must have felt and I really am sorry, but I just wanted to clear the air. I’ve really missed you Mark and I want us to be friends if you don’t hate me as much as I hate myself for what I’ve put you through” Emma spoke in a small voice and didn’t look Mark in the eye. He was mesmerised by her. She was so beautiful, he was still in love after ten years, but he really didn’t care how silly that sounded. Mark smiled but remembered Trevor, and he didn’t want her to get involved in all of this.  
“Look Emma, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you, but I don’t want you around me. I’m sorry but you can’t see me, just forget about me, you’ll be better off” Emma looked at him then, she was hurt and it broke Mark’s heart.  
“I don’t understand” Emma whispered, she was trying so hard not to cry, as was Mark.  
“I’m so sorry, but you’ll be better off without me. As much as I wish we could be friends again we just can’t” Tears pricked in the back of his eyes. Mark was saying goodbye to the one person he truly loved. Emma didn’t say anything, but that didn’t stop the tears falling down her cheeks.  
“I’m sorry” Mark whispered and he felt his own cheeks begin to dampen with his own tears. _How the hell could I do this? What’s wrong with me?_

Mark slowly closed the door and leant his forehead against it. His breathing was deep as he tried to contain the tears that were threatening to fall, but when he heard Emma’s sobs coming from the other side as she walked away from his life again, he couldn’t contain them any longer. Mark slide down the door frame and cried like he had done the last time Emma left. The last time Mark had let her slip away from him, but this time Mark was the one who pushed her away. He tried to convince himself that it was the best thing to do, that she would be safer without him, but Mark still loved her more than anything, and now she was never going to come back. Mark felt small and helpless again, even smaller than how Trevor made him feel. He brought his knees up to his chest and rested his head on them while the tears cascaded down his face as if they would never stop, and Mark knew they wouldn’t, even if you couldn’t see them on the outside.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famouse and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

The last gig was over and it was one of the best ones they’d had. All four of them had decided to stay in Manchester a little while longer so that they could relax before going back home to London. Mark was looking forward to spending some casual time with the guys without the stress of the tour overshadowing everyone’s thoughts. As soon as he got this situation with Trevor out of the way tomorrow Mark could begin to be himself again because he wasn’t going to be around for quite a while.

The one thing Mark was looking forward to the most was the fact that Robbie was going to be flying over to see him. Even though he knew that he was going to get a lecture and would be constantly fussed to tell him what was wrong, Mark didn’t care. He was just glad that he was going to see one of his best friends again, and maybe, just maybe, Robbie would be able to make everything alright again.

…

*The Next Day*

Mark had decided that he was going to spend most of the day with the guys before the evening. He had got as much money together as he could, but it only came up to £4,000. He was a grand short, and he had no idea what sort of punishment he would get, but it couldn’t be as bad as getting stabbed. That had left a scar, quite a big one, but Mark had never have to hide it from any of the others because they knew what had happened, that was what they thought was the end of Trevor. Well they were wrong about that.

Mark made his way to where Gary was staying so that he could talk to him about what they were going to do today. He hoped it would be something chilled out and calm with just the four, or maybe five, of them. He knocked on Gary’s door and didn’t have to wait very long until it opened.

“Oh hi Mark!” Dawn smiled widely when she saw him “Come on in. Gary’s just through there” She gestured down the corridor and Mark smiled back warmly before making his way towards the living room.

Gary was sat on the sofa with Daniel playing on the floor in front of him and Emily bouncing on his knee. They were all laughing and Mark felt almost intrusive about disturbing the beautiful sight in front of him. Mark had always dreamed of having children, he loved them so much and couldn’t wait to have some of his own to call him ‘Daddy’. Mark smiled as he continued to watch them play until Daniel finally spotted him stood in the doorway.

“Uncle Maaark!” Daniel ran towards him, arms splayed out ready for a hug, and Mark scooped him up and spun him round before resting him on his good side.  
“Hello little man! You behaving yourself?” Mark asked him. Daniel nodded quickly with a massive smile on his face. “Good” Mark smiled back and placed him onto the floor before turning his attention to Gary. “Y’alright mate?” Mark asked as he sat down next to him.  
“Yeah I’m fine thanks. You’re cheery this morning, what’s happened? Has there been a price cut on sweets?” Gary giggled when Mark hit him playfully on the arm.  
“No, I’m just in a good mood that’s all” Mark said as he lightly tickled Emily’s tummy making her gurgle with delight. Mark couldn’t help but smile at that.  
“Makes a change” Gary muttered purposely loud enough so that Mark could hear. Mark’s face instantly dropped at that comment and he sunk down into the sofa and started playing with the zip on his jacket, avoiding Gary’s gaze. Dawn walked in and could feel the tension straight away. “Mark would you like a drink? Tea? Coffee?” She asked tentatively.  
“Tea please Dawn” Mark looked up and smiled at her, trying to disguise the tense atmosphere between him and Gary. Dawn left them alone again and Gary spoke first.  
“Sorry Mark, I’ve been worried that’s all” His voice was quiet.  
“I can understand why Gaz, I’ve been a prick to you and to Howard and Jason. I just haven’t been myself lately” Mark’s voice was nearly as quiet as Gary’s.  
“You gunna tell me why?” Gary sounded hopeful, almost like he was desperate to find out why he’d been acting this way.  
“Look it’s nothing I can’t handle,” Mark said as reassuringly as he could. Gary huffed in response, clearly thinking that Mark doesn’t trust him enough to tell him the truth.  
“Gary, can’t we just forget about it and have a nice day, just the four of us. Please?” Gary looked at him then, he nodded and smiled a little and Mark smiled, glad to be able to forget about everything.

A couple of hours later, Mark, Gary, Howard and Jason were all sat in the pub having the best time together. Laughing and joking about, it was pure bliss. It was so good in fact that Mark completely lost track of time, he looked his watch and saw that it was 10:30pm. Shit! I’m half an hour late!

“Guys I have to go” Mark declared suddenly and saw Gary, Howard and Jason’s faces crease with confusion.  
“What’s up Mark? It’s only half ten” Jason asked, he was just as confused to others.  
“I need to go alright, I’ll see you tomorrow” Without waiting for any further interrogation, Mark ran out of the pub and sped towards Queens Road.

He reached the alleyway and looked around desperately panting after his unplanned run. Mark edged his way deeper into the alleyway, scanning for any sign of Trevor, when suddenly there was a crack and a flash of lights, and the next thing Mark knew, he was lying on the floor dazed and confused. The next this Mark saw, was a pair of black boots in front of his face, that’s when he felt himself being hauled up onto his own shaking legs. His breathing was heavy, and he was struggling to focus his eyes, although when a voice rang in his ears, he was soon brought out of his trance.

“You’re late Mark. Are you trying to get on my bad side?” Trevor’s face was inched for Mark’s and he was clearly mad. The only thing Mark could do was shake his head and prey that this wasn’t going to last long.  
“I hope not, because I can make things really bad for you if you don’t watch yourself!” Trevor spat “Give me the money then, I suppose you’ve got that right at least” Mark handed over the envelope and felt his heart stop as he counted it out. _This is going to be bad. He’s already angry at me for being late, and now he’s going to find out that I’m 1000 ponds short! I’m going to die, I just know I am!_

…

*Meanwhile*

“Where do you think he went in such a hurry?” Howard asked as they walked down the street back to where Gary was staying.  
“I have no idea How, all I know is Mark has been acting really weirdly lately” Jason replied.  
“I’m worried guys, something is up and he won’t tell anyone what it is” Gary said sadly.  
“We’re all worried Gary. I just hope he is alright on his own. I mean, I know he’s a grown man and everything, but anything could happen” Jason said in the same concerned voice as Gary had.  
“We could just be over-thinking everything. He could have gone back to his hotel. He might even have a girlfriend” Howard was trying to sound reassuring, analyzing every possibility before they jumped to conclusions.  
“You could be right” Gary seemed to accept Howard’s reasoning and tried to take his mind off where Mark could be right now.

The three of them continued to walk towards Gary’s place when they were greeted by a figure running in their direction. Only when the person got close enough, did they realize who it was.

“Robbie!” Jason shouted in delight as he brought the younger man into a tight hug.  
“Y’alight Jay!” Robbie seemed just as glad to see them as they were, bringing them all into a huge hug in turn. When he had hugged the three of them, Robbie looked confused.  
“Where’s Mark?” He asked.  
“Well he was with us a while ago, but then he just got up and left in a split second. He didn’t even tell us why or where he was going” Howard explained.  
“He’ll be okay though won’t he?” Robbie was clearly concerned and they all knew how much Mark meant to Rob.  
“I’m sure he will. He is a grown man after all, even if he does seem a little vulnerable and sensitive at times” Gary smiled, trying his best to calm Robbie down, but all Robbie could think about was weather Mark was safe or not.

…

When Trevor finished ruffling the notes through his fingers, he let out a long sigh and put the envelope in the inside pocket of his jacket. Nothing happened for a while; Trevor just stared at him, his expression blank, after what felt like an age, Trevor finally did something. His hand rose up and he slapped him hard across the cheek. Mark froze trying to blank out everything as wave after wave of pain surged through him body, fists and boots collided with his stomach, chest, face, and head.

There was no part of Mark’s body that wasn’t stinging with pain as he was discarded like a broken phone onto the ground. He tried to prop himself up onto his forearms, but received another kick in the chest for his efforts. A loud whimper of agony escaped Mark’s lips, as he coughed up blood that left a horrible metallic taste in his mouth. Something grabbed Mark’s hair and his head was pulled back harshly until his nightmares mouth met his ear.

“I hope this has been a valuable lesson to you Mark. Do. Not. Fuck. With. Me” Trevor released him and Mark’s head plummeted back down to the cold ground underneath him. His breathing was deep and shallow; his brain was pounding against his skull like it was trying to escape its fortress. Mark had never felt so worthless and pathetic in all of his life, he was back in that flat again, alone and terrified. Mark thought about how he had managed to get into this situation in the first place, if only he hadn’t been so stupid all those years ago, maybe none of this would ever have happened to him or to his family.

_There’s no-one to blame but yourself for all of this mess. You’ve pushed away everyone you love and look where you are now. Battered and bruised in an alleyway all on your own. Well done Marky boy, you really did him proud didn’t you! If he could see you now he would be so ashamed of what he saw, you can’t even protect yourself, let alone anyone else. Mum, Daniel, Tracey, Gary, Jason, Howard, Robbie and Emma. You’ve let them all down. You’re a waste of a life Mark Owen, it should have been you falling that day not him!_

Mark heard the faint sound of footsteps fading away and he guessed that Trevor had left him, his work was done, and he had got what he wanted along with an envelope full of money. The tears began to fall down the pale and dirty cheeks that lie on the cobbles, hidden away from passersby and left to rot in the gutter he had made for himself from the age of eight. The last this Mark saw before he slipped into unconsciousness, was the dark and lonely alleyway stretching far out in front of him, with his blood-soaked hand resting in the foreground.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

Mark was aware that someone was shaking him gently, trying to wake him up. He opened his eyes reluctantly and saw a woman looking down at him.

“Mark? Oh my god Mark are you okay?” The woman’s voice was thick with worry and Mark suddenly realized who it was.  
“Em…Emma?” Mark whispered, he barely had any energy to do anything else.  
“It’s alright Mark, I’m here. Everything is going to be okay” Emma reassured him as she began to gently, but firmly, lift Mark to his feet and help him walk out of the alleyway.

They soon reached a car, and Mark got into the back, collapsing across the seats. He had no idea how long he was in the car for, but soon, Emma was lifting him out again and leading him towards a house. Once inside, Emma let Mark pick the sofa of hic choice to lie on, she made sure he was comfortable and left the room only to return with a cloth and a bowel of water. Mark shrunk against the sofa as Emma gently began to clean the cuts on his face, it stung like hell as the world came back to hurt him again, all Mark wanted to do was fall asleep and forget about everything, just for a little while.

“What’s happened to you Mark? Who did this to you?” Emma sounded like she was crying, which only made Mark feel guilty. He wanted to tell her, but he didn’t have the energy to do anything. Sure enough, he was unconscious yet again.

…

Emma saw Mark’s eyes roll back before he collapsed against her sofa. She was so close to tears at seeing him in such a state. She really did love him, and no matter how many times she tried to tell herself how ridiculous that was, she would always love him, even if he didn’t. His face was bruised and cut, it was so horrible. In some ways, she was glad that Mark had either fainted or just collapsed from exhaustion as now she could clean him up without seeing to stained look of pain on her face when she tentatively dabbed the wet cloth on his wounds.

When she had finished nursing his injuries, she got out a blanked to lay over him as he slept. It was like caring for a child, but in a way Mark was like one the state he was in. He was venerable, weak and evidently terrified. Emma couldn’t even begin to imagine why this had happened or who could have done something like this; all that mattered to her was making sure that Mark was safe.

Rooting through his jacket pockets she pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts until they fell on Gary. Emma knew that Mark would probably hate her for doing this, but it was the only thing she could think of. Gary needed to know what had happened and Mark needed him as well. One day he would thank her for this and maybe understand that this was her only option. She didn’t know what to do, and Gary would be more help than she could be. Pressing the call button and holding the phone against her ear, she made sure Mark was alright before she left the room to go to the kitchen. It wasn’t too long before she heard Gary’s voice down the line.

“Mark, it’s nearly midnight for god’s sake. Where the hell did you go earlier cause we have been worried and Robbie has flown over and he’s panicking as well” Gary sounded frustrated, worried and relieved all at the same time. Emma could clearly see how good a group of friends Mark had.  
“Gary, its Emma” Her shaky voice spoke and there was a moments silence before Gary answered.  
“Emma!? WH-What? I mean how? When? Sorry What!?” Gary was shocked beyond words and Emma couldn’t help but giggle slightly at his reaction. It was understandable; they had never spoken before, even when she was with Mark all those years ago.  
“Yes Gary, it’s me. Look I know we have never spoken before and this is probably quite a shock but this isn’t about me, this is about Mark”  
“Why what’s happened?” Gary was worried, really worried.  
“I found him. Beaten up and unconscious in an alleyway. He’s in an absolute state Gary, he’s bruised, cut, scared and I don’t know what to do” Tears were flowing down her face for the first time after seeing Mark so hurt and now it was hard to get them to stop.  
“Alright Emma just calm down, everything is going to be fine” Gary’s voice was reassuring but a little shaky, this was clearly having an effect on him “I’m coming over, just stay with him and try to calm down okay?”  
“Yeah” Emma gave Gary her address and tried to slow her breathing and get in control of her sobs. “Please hurry Gary; I’m scared something is going to happen”  
“I promise you Emma, he’ll be alright” That was the last thing Gary said before he hung up, leaving Emma alone again.

She went back into the living room where Mark was still sleeping. She sat down on the floor next to the sofa and gently stroked his hair as he slept. He looked so peaceful when he slept, minus the cuts and bruises obviously, it was like he was in his own land when he dreamt, and he was safe and unaware of what was happening around him. Emma thought she must have been day dreaming because, a lot sooner than she had expected, there was a knock on her front door.

Rushing to answer it, Emma was stunned to see that it wasn’t Gary stood there. She had never seen this man before, but she instantly didn’t like the look of him. Something in her told Emma not to trust this man, and she was going to be very cautious about what she says.

“Good evening miss, I’m terribly sorry to bother you at such an inappropriate hour, but I think that you have my son in your home. Mark Owen” This man was being way to polite, it was unnatural to speak in such a way and Emma could tell he was dodgy, but on the other hand he says that he is Mark’s dad which is a little hard to ignore.  
“Yes I have Mark here but he is in a bit of a bad way. I’ll look after him don’t you worry but at the moment he is sleeping and needs rest” Emma told the man trying her hardest to disguise her uneasiness to be talking to him.  
“Well I would like to come in and see him. He’s my son after all” Emma was finding it terribly hard to argue. Just as she was about to let him in, another voice shouted from behind him.

“Hay! Who are you?” Gary was half walking, half jogging up the drive to Emma’s front door and when the man turned round to face him, Gary stopped dead in his tracks, eyes wide and face pale. Emma knew this man was not to be trusted, and seeing Gary’s reaction only confirmed those assumptions.  
“Gary my boy! How are you? I haven’t seen you in years” The man seemed pleased to see Gary, but the feeling was not mutual. All of a sudden, Gary was very angry.  
“You get out of here Trevor! You stay the hell away from Mark do you hear me!? You ran like a coward as soon as the police got involved last time, so don’t think I won’t hesitate to do it again.” Gary shouted at the man, apparently called Trevor, his face turning redder by the second.  
“Oh Gary. You really think you can get one better over me? You have interfered too much in mine and Mark’s business and I am beginning to get a little sick of it” Trevor spoke darkly and Emma was glad she had the protection of a door if she needed it.  
“Don’t try and threaten me Trevor, you don’t scare me” Gary almost mocked Trevor’s warning which only made Trevor angrier.  
“ _You_ may not be, but what about your precious wife and children?” Gary’s face turned instantly to one of terror when his family where brought into the equation and Trevor knew he had found a weak spot.  
“You see Gary; I’ll _always_ have the upper hand just you remember that, so don’t try anything stupid, I’ll only warn you this once” Trevor hissed menacingly before his tone returned to normal again. “I’ll be off now seeing as my son is in such good hands. You won’t see me for a long time, but I’ll pop back for a visit, just to check up on everything. Bye” Trevor waved before marching down the drive and away from the house.

Both Emma and Gary stood frozen in shock before Emma broke the silence.  
“Are you alright Gary?” She asked cautiously.  
“Yeah, yeah I’m alright. Are you?” He returned the question.  
“I guess. Was that really Mark’s dad?”  
“I’m afraid it is Ems. Don’t worry, he only picks fights with people he’s had history with, he won’t touch you” This made Emma instantly relax, Gary really was the reassuring type.  
“But he threatened your family Gary, he doesn’t know them, what if something happens” Gary cut her short.  
“Nothing will happen, as hard as it is to believe that’s not Trevor’s style. He only said that because he knew it would get me to back down. And it worked.” Gary looked ashamed of himself which made Emma feel extremely guilty.  
“Come in Gary, Mark needs you” Emma gestured into her house, as soon as Mark’s name was mentioned, Gary snapped out of his thoughts abruptly and ran into the living room where Mark was asleep.

After Emma closed the door and firmly locked it, she decided to hang back a little bit before joining Gary. She thought it was best that he could have some time alone with him, it only seemed fair.

…

Gary rushed into Emma’s living room and was stunned at the sight in front of him. Mark was lying on his back on the sofa, his face covered in bruises and cuts and he could only guess that everywhere else had the same purple and blue coatings on it. He had never seen Mark in such a state, even ten years ago when he got stabbed he had less bruises than this. He finally understood Mark’s distance and sneaking around over the past month or so. Constantly worrying and trying to figure out what was wrong and now his worst fears had been confirmed. He wished more than anything that Mark had told him, but he didn’t last time so why would he now?

Slowly, Gary crept to Mark side and knelt down by his side. The bruises were even worse up close. The cuts on his lip, cheeks and temples were small but quite deep and all Gary could think of was how scared Mark must have been. Ever so gently, Gary ran his hand through Mark’s hair, being careful around his black eye. His thoughts suddenly turned to Howard, Jason and Robbie. How would they take it? Robbie would be distraught, he flew from America to find out what was wrong with Mark and he’ll only beat himself up that he was too late, Howard and Jason would just blame themselves that they didn’t help or didn’t try to find out anything which was far from true. Gary would call them in the morning; leave Mark to rest for now.

“Oh Mark, What’s he done to you?” The tears that had been brewing couldn’t be held back any longer and Gary rested his forehead on Mark’s shoulder and let them flow. This had happened once before and now everything was repeating itself, both times it was Mark who got hurt the most and Gary just thought it wasn’t fair.

…

As soon as Emma heard Gary’s cries from her living room, she rushed in and saw him knelt by Mark and crying at the state of his best friend. Emma was instantly by his side and pulling him into a tight hug. That didn’t stop Gary’s tears though, if anything he cried harder into her shoulder but Emma was more than happy to comfort him for as log as it took.

A long while later, Gary’s tears had subsided and he and Emma were sat in the kitchen having a cup of tea.

“When are you going to call the others?” Emma asked  
“Tomorrow, I can’t do it now, it’s too late. Besides they would never leave, especially Robbie and that’s not entirely fair on you” Gary smile half heartedly, still trying to be strong for Mark.  
“If that’s what you think is best. You’re welcome to stay here tonight Gary I think it would be better of Mark had one of his friends here when he woke up” Emma smiled at him and Gary managed a small real smile back.  
“Thank you Emma, for everything” Gary said quietly.  
“Everything?” Emma asked bemused  
“For finding him, bringing him here and keeping him safe. Who knows what could have happened if you hadn’t have found him” Gary yawned at the end of the sentence and both of them realized how late it had got.  
“I think we best go to bed. The spare room is all ready so just make yourself at home Gaz” Emma said sleepily.  
“Good night Ems” Gary said as he brought her into a hug “I’m so glad your back. You have no idea how much Mark loves you”  
Emma was stunned for a split second which was soon replaced by a warm fuzzy feeling “I love him too. I only wish things ended differently between us”

Both of them went into their separate rooms and fell to sleep almost instantly, dreading the state Mark would wake up in tomorrow morning.  
…

Mark woke in unfamiliar surroundings; it looked nothing like his bedroom, or any room in his house. He sat bolt upright and instantly regretted it when a surge of aching pain consumed his body before he slumped heavily back down on the sofa he was lying on. There was a blanket over him; it wasn’t rough like normal ones, it was soft like one you might give a child to snuggle up to. Memories of the previous night flooded back into Mark’s mind. The beating, the pain, how scared he was, but then someone came and helped him and brought him here.

Mark was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of someone entering the room he was in.  
“Mark?” The sweet voice that he loved sounded.  
“Hay Emma” Mark’s voice was small and broken, not like himself at all.

He refused to look at her; he didn’t want her to see him in such a state. He felt ashamed of what he had stupidly got himself into. Emma moved so that she was perched on the edge of the sofa, Mark began to fiddle with the blanket that was over him, not wanting to meet her gaze.

“Oh Mark, what the hell happened to you?” Her voice was nearly as broken as Mark’s was. He didn’t answer, he couldn’t answer, it would only put her in danger and he was never going to let that happen. “Please” She practically begged “Talk to me?”  
“I can’t” Mark whispered, clenching his teeth to try and stop himself from breaking down. Emma sighed loudly and Mark risked a glance up at her. She looked hurt, almost rejected, which only made Mark feel ten times worse. _She doesn’t deserve to go through all of this rubbish. I can’t tell her, I just can’t, she’ll think I’m weak and useless just like Trevor says._  
“I’m sorry Em, but I don’t want you getting involved in all of this. It’s not fair.” Mark tried his hardest to turn onto his side to fully look away from her as his tears couldn’t be held back any longer, but the pain was too much and he ended up crying out like a wounded and caged animal. He felt Emma’s hands on his arms trying to pull him back to lie down properly, and reluctantly he obliged, although he still didn’t look at her.  
“Take your shirt off Mark” Emma’s tone changed, it was stern like a mothers. He shook his head slightly and pulled his arms across his chest to act as a defense mechanism, things would only get worse if anyone saw.  
“Mark, don’t make me do this the hard way” Emma was getting impatient, but Mark still refused.

She reached out to try and push his shirt up his body and take it off, but as soon as she touched his bruised stomach, all Mark could think about was being back in that alleyway, being so terrified, and his natural instincts got the better of him as he lashed out violently. He heard Emma cry out in shock and fall backwards onto the floor, he hadn’t hit her, just pushed her, but that was enough to make Mark go mental.  
“See, I told you! Just stay away from me otherwise you’ll get hurt! I’m too dangerous!” Mark screamed at her and to his relief she got up and ran out of the room. Mark buried his face under the blanket and wept. He would never have lashed out like that to anyone he loved so much, it just proved how dangerous he was to be around, and that’s why he couldn’t tell anyone.

…

Gary heard the shouts from the living room, but before he could rush in, it was Emma who was rushing out. She was close to tears and quite shaken up.

“Emma what’s wrong?” Gary asked urgently.  
“It’s Mark, I’ve never seen him like that before” Emma was breathing heavily trying to calm down.  
“Did he hurt you?” Gary was so confused at her outburst.  
“No, he just pushed me away when I tried to get his shirt off to check for any more cuts or bruises. That’s just proven that there are but he won’t show them to anyone. He says he’s dangerous, that people will get hurt if they go near him” Rambling on and on, Gary struggled to follow word for word but he got the jist of what she was trying to say.  
“I’ll talk to him alright, and if that doesn’t work one of the others will get him talking. They’re coming round in a bit, I hope that’s ok; Robbie will probably be here the fastest though” Still trying to calm herself down, Emma managed to nod and smile at Gary.  
“That’s fine Gaz”

Deep down both of them knew that of there was anyone that could get through to Mark, no matter how violent or closed off he became, and that person was Robbie Williams.  



	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

Howard, Jason, Gary, Robbie and Emma were all stood in the kitchen discussing what to do with Mark. Thankfully, he hadn’t noticed that any of them had arrived; the others feared that a sudden appearance could set him off and felt it best to keep everything calm for Mark’s sake.

“I think we all know that Rob is going to be the best person to get Mark talking so I think he should talk to Mark” Howard told the group. Everyone nodded in agreement and turned to look at Robbie.  
“Look I can’t promise anything and by the way he acted around Emma I doubt I can do anything” Robbie wasn’t too eager to see Mark in such a state and he was sure that he couldn’t do anything. He felt so useless.  
“Rob you’re his best mate, he’ll open up to you more than any of us” Emma smiled at Robbie warmly and he realized why Mark fell for her all those years ago, why he’s still in love with her now.  
“Thanks Em” Robbie winked at her before leaving the kitchen to the living room and to Mark.

…

Gently and very slowly, Robbie eased the living room door open and peaked inside towards the sofa where Mark was lying. From the angle, Rob could see one side of his bruised face and grimaced at the sight of it. Inch by inch, Robbie edged towards Mark who Robbie could now see was asleep. Crouching down next to him, Robbie just stayed there and watched Mark sleep for a while. He looked so calm, almost like nothing had ever happened to him, it made Robbie smile at Mark’s ability to shut everything out when he slept. Robbie gently caressed his thick hair as he dreamt, being careful of the cuts and bruises near his hairline.

After about five minutes, Mark began to stir. He opened his eyes and his gaze fell onto Robbie, who was amazed to see that Mark smiled ever so slightly when he saw him, he then looked away again the smile disappearing altogether. His pale fingers played with the soft blanket over him, obviously finding that a lot more interesting.

“Mark please, talk to me” Robbie begged his friend to open up and somehow he knew that this wasn’t going to be an easy task. His thoughts were confirmed when Mark shook his head gently. Robbie sighed decided to take a different approach.

“I have this friend, you might know him” Robbie perched himself on the side of the sofa to get comfortable

“He spends most of his time laughing, smiling and making the most terrible jokes. He hangs around with me and the guys a lot. He had an awful childhood, his dad was evil and he suffered because of that, then one day he got stabbed by his own father. He lived thankfully and his dad ran off like the coward he was. After that he picked himself up and rose through it. He had this girlfriend ten years ago, he always denied that he was going out with her but it was so obvious he was in love with her, but they had to split up thanks to this bloke called Nigel and that tore him apart for a long while, but he rose through it. The guys I was telling you about, we were a band together. It was brilliant at the time, but I had to leave and that tore my friend up a third time but he pulled through again. He kept smiling and laughing throughout everything and then one day the guys got back together again, minus me unfortunately, but I still speak with my friend a lot and he visits me in LA, takes my dogs away and helps himself to all my sweets in my cupboards and then get’s a sugar rush and then I have to stop him bouncing out of the ceiling. Lately, my friend has been acting really weird, he never smiles anymore and he never laughs like he used to. I came back to England to find him beaten up, his dad was back again. I’ll never understand why he never told me or any of the guys what was happening because I know that we would all help in a split second. Maybe he was scared, or maybe he didn’t want us to get hurt. He always puts others before himself and in doing so forgets to look after himself sometimes. I hate seeing him like this; it kills me because I can’t do anything to help him, he’s broken at the moment; he’s battered and bruised and I don’t know what to do. I love him so much, he’s like my older but smaller brother and I just want to help him as much as I can, and I’m sure the others feel the exact same way as me. Remember that girl I was telling you about, well she’s back. My friend loves her so much, I can see it and I know that she loves him just as much if not more but I doubt that’s even possible. She’s scared that my friend is going to be lost, as am I. Not lost as in missing, lost as in everything that makes my friend himself is just going to be hidden away. His smile, his laugh, his bubbly and kind personality just everything that makes him, him. For some reason, deep inside of me I know that he’ll pull through. He’ll rise above everything just like he has done loads of times before. He’s such a strong person, an amazing person, he can do anything, and I wish I was like him. Maybe if I was, my life would be that little bit easier. I learn from him everyday, he’s such a brilliant role model. He’d make the perfect father; I hope he does have kids one day, little mini hyper, bubbly, sweet, amazing replicas of him. We need more people like him, life would be so much better if there were. I hope he makes the right choice eventually, no matter how long it takes, I just know he will, and me and the guys, including the girl, will all be here waiting for him. We need him in our lives; he keeps everyone together and brightens up our days all the time and we hardly give him anything back. He’s more important to everyone than he realizes. He always put himself down and I wish he didn’t because he could never do anything wrong. It’s just impossible.”

Tears were now oozing from Robbie’s eyes and flowing slowly down his cheeks. Looking down at Mark, he found that his face was red, tearstained and that fresh tears were still flowing. Every now and again he would sniff to try and suck them all back up but it didn’t work very well. He was still looking at the blanket and not at Robbie, but that was going to change.

“Mark I need a favor” Robbie tried to catch Mark’s gaze but after that failed he gripped Mark’s chin and gently pushed it upwards so that he was looking him in the eye. “I need you to give my friend a message” Robbie kept his voice steady. Mark nodded slightly; the tears were still falling from his eyes and rolling over his bruised face before dripping onto Robbie’s fingers.

“Can you tell him that we all miss him and that we want him back” Robbie smiled slightly, his eyes clouding over. Mark smiled back before letting a fresh flood fall from his eyes. “Thanks mate” Robbie leant forward and planted a kiss on Mark forehead as he began to cry.

He stood from the sofa and made his way to the door but Mark had a tight grip on his sleeve that stopped him getting away. Robbie screwed his eyes shut tight and pulled hard against Mark’s grip and yanked himself free before leaving the room completely, the sound of Mark’s weeping following him out before it was shut inside the room as Robbie closed the door. He leant against the wood that drowned out Mark’s sorrow, he didn’t want to tear away from Mark like that but he knew that right now he needed to be alone and to think for himself.

…

Back in the kitchen, the others turned when Robbie entered the room, his face was red and his eyes were puffy, they didn’t know if that was good or bad but they hopped that Robbie had managed to do something.

“Rob what happened?” Jason asked concerned “I think I got through to him. He just needs time to think right now” Robbie rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand to try and clear them of the salty water.  
“I knew you’d do it Rob” Gary told him with a smile on his face. Robbie smiled back warmly.

All that was left for them all to do now was wait.

…

Mark cried and cried and cried. All those things Robbie had said to him had really hit home. He never knew just how much he meant to everyone and they were obviously getting torn up by all of this. He felt like he’d let them down, that he hadn’t done the right thing by them.

_How could I have been so selfish? They all deserved to know what was happening but instead I just shut them out and let them watch me slowly crumble in front of their eyes. I never knew it would upset them this much, I never knew any of them loved me that much either. And Emma still loves me? After all this time? Oh God I’ve been such an idiot! I’ve let them all slip through my fingers like I was trying to pick up water. All they want to do is help me and I won’t even let them do that. This is the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. If I had just told them then none of this would have happened, I wouldn’t be in this state right now. Maybe I should just give up trying to ‘protect’ them as I put it and just let them do their job as my friends because I sure haven’t. This is going to be so embarrassing._

Mark wiped his soaking wet face and slowly moved his legs over the side of the sofa so that he was sat on the edge of it. He went to put his head in his hands but the slightest touch to his face sent ripples of pain through his body. Mark needed to look at himself and spotted a big mirror on the wall, he prepared himself for the worst. He tentatively put some weight on his legs and began to stand up slowly before sitting back down abruptly when he discovered that he couldn’t put any weight on his left side again. They must have hit him on that side as they knew it was his weaker one thanks to them.

Mark tried again and used the arm of the sofa for support and this time he managed to stand up straight. Limping in the direction of the mirror, which was the perfect size seeing as Emma was pretty much the same size as him, Mark looked at his bruised face and grimaced at the state of it. There were cuts on his hairline, cheeks bones, temples and lip, and his right eye was bruised badly, Mark was amazed that he could open his eye although it did ache quite a lot. He noticed that the mirror was big enough to show all of his upper body.

It was then that Mark remembered when Emma wanted him to take his shirt off so that she could see the extent of his injuries. He felt awful for treating her like that, guilt consumed him when he remembered how he’d lashed out at her, luckily she didn’t get hurt, and he wouldn’t have forgiven himself if she had. He meant everything to her and now she was most probably scared stiff of him.

He had the same clothes on as he’d done last night, bloodstained and dirty from the alleyway floor and probably from Trevor’s boots as well. Mark began to undo the buttons on his ruined shirt and took it off revealing his bruised chest, stomach and shoulders. There was a massive purple blotch on his left had side that took over most of his ribs and stomach. _So that’s why I can barely walk._ Everywhere else there were smaller purple and blue patches that dotted over his torso. Mark sighed loudly and hung his head forward, not wanting to look at himself anymore. He gently put his shirt back on and made his way towards the door. Before he opened it he could hear the others talking and decided to listen for a moment.

…

“It’s been an hour now. Do you think he’s alright?” Jason fiddled with his empty mug worriedly.  
“He’s probably just thinking things through or something, he’ll be fine” Howard attempted to ease Jason’s nerves but he knew that he was doing it for everyone, including himself.  
“I hope I wasn’t too harsh on him” Robbie hadn’t stopped passing the kitchen since he left Mark crying in the living room.  
“Stop blaming yourself Rob, you did what you though would help just like any of us would have done” Gary had spent the same amount of time trying to get Robbie to relax. Ever since he left Mark he’d been fidgeting and worrying non stop for a whole hour.  
“Guys I’m sure Mark is just trying to figure out how to talk to us. That’s even if he wants to” Emma had been the calmest of all of them, but deep inside she was frantic with nerves but thought it best to be the others source of optimism.  
“He _must_ want to after what I said to him. Surely we haven’t let his situation get that bad have we?” Robbie was panicking now. All he wanted was his Markie back and he was scared that he’d lost him for good this time.

“No, you haven’t” A new voice sounded from the kitchen doorway and the all turned to see Mark leaning against the doorframe.  
“Mark?” Robbie was overwhelmed with joy right now but he was still being careful because of Mark’s state.

He didn’t say anything; instead he looked down and fiddled with the sleeves of his shirt. No-on said anything; they were waiting for Mark to do the talking, but even Mark didn’t talk. Instead, he looked up at all of them and gave a shy smile and opened his arms ever so slightly. Robbie was the first one to understand what Mark meant and he quickly went up to Mark and went to hug him, but Mark could see his eagerness and warned him before he answered his request.

“Gently Rob” Mark said in a small voice and Robbie smiled and nodded in response before he wrapped his arms around Mark gently, just like he’d asked.

Mark did the same and buried his head in his shoulder for a moment before looking up at the others and beckoning them into the hug as well. Emma went to Mark’s left side with Jason to his right, Howard an Gary hugged from the back and they all formed a circle around Mark hugging him from all angles. Mark felt a million times better, he felt safe and happy here and he didn’t want it to stop. No-one said anything, they all just held Mark for a long time, happy that he was back again and Mark was glad to be back. Mark felt Robbie kiss his head, to which Emma did the same, then Jason, then Gary and then Howard, this was enough to bring tears to Mark’s eyes again. He’d been lost for a long time and now he had finally found home again and it was in the arms of all of his friends that were there to protect him, comfort him and love him no matter what.

“I love you guys” Mark spoke from the middle of the huddle loud enough so that they could all hear. “I’m so sorry” As soon as Mark said those seven words, all five of them held him a little tighter, not so much that they hurt him, but just enough to show Mark that they loved him too and that they forgave him. Mark held Robbie tighter and gripped the fabric of his jacked in his bunched fists so hard that it hurt his hands but he didn’t care. He was never going to let them all go ever again, they meant the world to him and he knew that they felt the same.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter implies towards adult themes but does not describe them in grave detail, a bit of making out is as far as I take if for this story.

 

***One Month Later***

Mark had never felt happier throughout the past month. Everyone had been there for him as the bruises and cuts healed, along with the cracks in his heart. Mark had lost himself at the hands of Trevor, to which he was ashamed to admit, but now it was like he had never come back. No-one had been there for Mark more than Robbie; he had been there through the tears, the apologies and the regret, he forgave him for everything, as did everyone, Mark had nearly thrown all of them away by pushing them all out of his life and he felt like such an idiot for doing it. _I don’t deserve friends like them._

Mark, Gary, Howard, Jason and Robbie spent almost every second of that month together; laughing and messing around like they always used to. Robbie had been accepted back into the group by everyone, much to Mark’s delight, it was almost like nothing had ever happened between them. Of course Gary and Robbie had spent a long time sorting things out between them and they came out happier than they had before. Mark was so happy to see them as friends again; he hated anyone in their group to hate each other or have tension between them, and now everything was perfect between them all. Mark couldn’t be happier right now.

Well, he could be happier if he and Emma were together but the last thing Mark wanted was to rush into that again. He wanted to, more than anything, but he didn’t think it was fair on Emma if he started going down that road so early. He had never stopped thinking about her since they broke up when they were young. Some of his solo songs were about her. ‘Alone without you’ ‘Gravity’ ‘Hail Mary’ they were about Emma. Mark hopped that one day he would have the courage to tell her that, along with how much he really did love her.

Luckily for Mark, an opportunity for that to happen came about a lot quicker than he had expected. He and Emma had bonded again and she was just as amazing as ever, now they were going out to dinner together and it had to have been said that Mark was terrified of going. He didn’t want to rush things, but Emma seemed more than happy to spend as much time with him as she could. _Does she still love me?_ Mark had asked himself that question over and over again. He wished he could read the letter Emma had written for him but Nigel had torched it; maybe she really did mean what she said all those years ago.

“You alright mate? You look a bit flustered” Robbie asked him while he was sipping the beginnings of his tenth cup of tea in the past three hours.  
“Yeah, I’m just nervous about dinner with Emma tonight” Mark answered truthfully.  
“What are you so scared about?” Robbie was confused that Mark could be so worried about something as casual as a meal.  
“Well, what if I mess it all up or I say something I shouldn’t or I get my hopes up thinking she might still like me and then find out she doesn’t-”  
“MARK!” Robbie put an end to his rambling and took him by the arms firmly. “You won’t mess it up okay; all she wants is for you to be yourself, that’s why she loves you so much”  
“She doesn’t love me” Mark muttered matter-of-factly.  
“Oh yes she does!” Robbie said wide eyed.  
“Doesn’t”  
“Does”  
“Doesn’t”  
“Does”  
“Doesn’t!”  
“She does Mark! She’s told me a million times how much she loves you” Robbie was nearly in fits of laughter at Mark’s cuteness over things like this. “You’ll find out for yourself tonight I’m sure, now go and get ready!”

Robbie sounded like he was telling a toddler to get ready for school as he pointed in the direction of the stairs. Mark have him a small smile before rushing to his room to spend decent amount of time deciding on what he was going to wear.

…

It was getting close to the time that Emma would be arriving, Mark had settled for black trousers with a grey checkered shirt and dark grey waistcoat, but thanks to his trembling fingers he was getting more and more frustrated that he couldn’t do up his tie properly. Soon enough, his irritation got the better of him and he yanked his tie from around his neck and threw it at the mirror in front of him.

Right on cue, Robbie came upstairs to see if Mark was nearly ready yet. When he got to the doorway and looked inside the room, Mark was leant against the dresser, eyes closed, eyebrows furrowed and taking long deep breaths. Robbie had known Mark long enough to tell when he was annoyed, this was a clear and indefinite sign that he was, moving his gaze behind Mark he saw one of Mark’s ties crumpled along the length of the dresser at the foot of the mirror. It was only now when Mark lifted his hands to rub his face did he see that they were shaking. Putting two and two together, Robbie realized what was wrong and entered the room quietly. Picking up the tie and moving in front of Mark, he lifted his collar up and flung the tie over Mark’s head and began to do it up for him.

Mark didn’t flinch once when his collar was suddenly yanked up or when his tie was pulled tight around his neck, he knew who it was. Removing his hands from his face, Mark looked at Robbie as he fixed his tie for him; purposely making the end hit him in the face as he did so causing Mark to smirk slightly. When Robbie had finished, he put Mark’s collar back neatly and brushed off his shoulders, smiling warmly at him.

“Thanks” Mark mumbled, suddenly embarrassed by his little outburst.  
“My pleasure” Robbie winked and pulled him into a tight hug. “You’ll be fine; you’ve known each other for years so this should be second nature to you”  
“I’m still scared. I loved her” Mark clung to Robbie like a lifeline, burying his face against his shoulder.  
“You still love her and she loves you too” Robbie said simply, Mark opened his mouth to object but Robbie beat him to it. “Don’t you dare start that again mister!” They laughed in the hug for a minute or two before they let each other go.

The sound of the doorbell rand through the house making Mark’s heartbeat triple in speed. “Go get her tiger!” Robbie teased, pushing Mark forwards and slapping his ass as he did so. Mark breathed out a loud laugh and looked over his shoulder at Robbie who was just stood there with his thumbs up and a huge cheeky grin on his face. Shaking his head as he jogged downstairs, Mark couldn’t get the smile off his face when his answered the door.

“Hi Mark, ready?” Emma asked cheerfully. Mark almost hadn’t heard her; he stared wide eyed at the navy blue dress Emma was wearing that finished just above the knees.  
“Hello? Earth to Marky” Emma waved her hand in front of Mark face as she giggled furiously. He snapped out of his trance and looked Emma in the eye for the first time.  
“You look stunning!” Mark said honestly as he became hypnotized again by her beautiful eyes. Blushing, Emma smiled sweetly at him as he exited the house and took her hand in his; Mark didn’t even think about it, he just did it.  
“So, where are we going then?” Emma asked when they were seated in the black leather seats of Mark’s car.  
“It’s a surprise” He smirked as he pulled out of the driveway and headed for the secret destination.

Throughout the journey they chatted and laughed about all manner of things about themselves or just random stuff. Mark was enjoying himself already; it was like nothing had changed between them. Soon enough their destination homed into view and Emma instantly recognized it.

“No Mark!” Emma said shocked.  
“Yes Emma” Mark smirked, clearly pleased with himself.  
“Are you serious?” Mark nodded “Oh my god Mark its perfect!” Emma had the biggest smile on her face as they pulled into the car park of the restaurant that was nearly the exact same as the one they went to on their first date. Mark got out of the car and quickly ran to Emma’s side to open the door for her.  
“Are you trying to replicate out first date?” Emma asked.  
“Kind of” Mark admitted.  
“Why?” Emma couldn’t contain her curiosity.  
“Well our first date was so perfect; it was the time when everything for me was full of meaning again. After we broke up I was so distraught, I never stopped thinking about you and all I wanted was for you to be by my side again. So, coming to this restaurant today, it’s sort of like a second chance to be happy again, like a new start where as this time it will actually last for much much longer, hopefully” Mark felt incredibly shy after saying how he felt about this date.  
“Oh Mark” Emma’s eyes were glossy with tears as she brought him into a hug, returning the hug, Mark held on for a long time before entering the restaurant for a very romantic dinner.

…

Soon, Emma and Mark were eating their shared dessert of chocolate ice cream, still chatting and giggling like they always used to when they were together. All of a sudden, Emma decided to rub her chocolate covered spoon over Mark’s nose with a cheeky and hysterical look on her face.

“Do you mind?!” Mark said in mock annoyance as he wiped it away with the back of his hand.  
“You missed a bit” Emma told him still giggling slightly.  
“Where?” Mark asked.  
“Here” Emma leant forwards and gently pressed her lips onto the tip of his nose, Mark closed his eyes when she made contact and leant into her slightly. “Got it” She said when she pulled away.  
“Thanks” Mark grinned at her like a naughty school boy and rested his chin in his hand so that he could stare at her. Emma copied his movements and spent the next couple in minutes gazing at each other.  
“Shall we make our way home then? It’s getting late” Mark stated after a while.  
“Yeah” Emma replied, somewhat disappointed. Unbeknownst to her, Mark had spotted the sudden reluctance to leave the restaurant and he decided that maybe he would make a slight detour before he took her home.

In the car, barely a word was spoken between them and Mark began to think that he’d done something wrong, even said something to upset her, however, those thoughts were overshadowed when he caught Emma, on numerous occasions, staring intently at him as he drove in the corner of his eye. Turning into a long, dim, winding country lane, Mark knew that they were not far from the place he had managed to stumble across a few years ago. _I hope she likes it too._

Pulling over, Mark killed the engine and took of his seatbelt before turning towards Emma smiling.  
“Here we are” He grinned.  
“Where are we Mark?” Emma seemed uneasy about being there, which confused Mark quite a lot.  
“I want to show you something” He told her as he got out of the car and went round to Emma’s side. “Come on then” Mark was eager to show her but she still seemed apprehensive.  
“Emma, are you alright?” Mark crouched next to the car and rested his forearms on the glass of the window which was now half down.  
“It’s just, the last time a boy took me to a place like this…” Emma began her sentence but she didn’t need to finish it for Mark to understand what she meant.  
“No, I swear Ems it’s nothing to do with anything like that, I’m not that sort of person” Mark spoke gently but firmly which Emma appeared to accept.

Opening the car door and stepping out onto the grass of the field, Emma took the hand that Mark held out for her as they began to walk up a gentle hill. The starts glistened brighter and their numbers doubled as they neared the summit, but Emma couldn’t admire their shining light for long thanks to Mark’s free hand blocking her vision.

“Mark!” She giggled.  
“Trust me; it’ll ruin it if I don’t” Mark had an excited edge to his voice and Emma couldn’t help but smile at his cute nature.

After a couple more steps forwards, Emma was at the mercy of the harsh, cold wind biting at her bare legs and shoulders before Mark finally removed his hand to a sea of twinkling lights. Eyes wide and mouth twitching into a broad grin, Emma scanned the stretch of illuminations before her as they shone together with the stars in the jet black sky. She began to shiver but she didn’t care, they view she saw was so breathtaking and romantic that she forgot about everything else around her, it was only when she felt the soft and warm fabric of Mark’s jacket hug her shoulders did she realize how cold she was.

“Thanks” She smiled warmly at Mark who was still only stood in a shirt and waistcoat, trying desperately to cover up the obvious look on his face that told her he was freezing.  
“Don’t mention it” Mark’s teeth chattered when he spoke and Emma couldn’t help but feel guilty.  
“I never saw you come out with a jacket” Emma mentioned puzzled.  
“I always keep one in the car just in case” Mark grinned.  
“It’s two sizes too big for you Mark!” Emma laughed loudly.  
“It keeps you warm, that’s all the matters” Mark said sweetly, now looking slightly pale from the cold.

Not being able to take Mark’s suffering any longer, Emma opened up one side of the jacket and beckoned Mark to join her inside it. Without hesitation, Mark slipped his left arm around her waist and used the other to pull the jacket tight around them, sighing contently once he was snug inside and free from the wind. For a little while, they shared a comfortable silence and just stared at the view in front of them. Unexpectedly, Mark felt a single water droplet fall onto the tip of his nose causing his to look up to the sky that was now leaking a sudden downpour of salty water. Laughing hysterically, he and Emma ran down the hill and sought shelter in the warm car.

Looking over at Mark, she watched the water drip from the ends of his floppy fringe and nose before sliding down his cheeks. He was still giggling allowing his white teeth to glisten in the dark, drawing the outline of his beautiful smile that she adored. Unaware that Mark was looking at her as she stared aimlessly at his features, Emma followed the line of his jaw, lips and neck with her eyes before looking back into his own that were staring straight back at her. Ever so slowly, Emma found herself beginning to lean towards Mark and watched as he copied her actions, his eyes flicking to look from her eyes, to her lips and back again. Closer and closer, Mark rested his left arm on Emma’s seat, his fingertips gently tickling the thin hairs on the back of her neck as the space between them grew smaller by each passing second.

Mark felt Emma’s hand glide to fit behind his neck, gently easing his closer to her, in response, he slipped his hand that was tickling her neck through her hair until it found that clip that was holding it up. Opening it and discarding it somewhere on the car floor, Mark could they properly tangle his fingers into her soft hair, tugging gently as the space between them disappeared altogether, their soft, warm lips colliding.

_Finally!_

It started off gentle, just like their first ever kiss, but soon it became more passionate and longing for something more which the both desired. Slowly moving their way to the back seats, Emma lied down with Mark hovering over her, kissing and sucking at her neck. It was only when Mark felt her hands fiddle with his trousers did he stop and look at her seriously.

“Are you sure you want this Emma?” He asked looking her dead in the eyes.  
“Of course it’s what I want” She answered truthfully.  
“I just don’t want to feel like I’m taking advantage of you” He told her shyly.  
“Oh shut up and kiss me you gorgeous idiot” Emma grabbed Mark’s tie and pulled his lips roughly back onto hers, Mark smiled into the kiss that became more and more heated which lead to more and more items of clothing being discarded around the inside of the car.

Outside in the cold and rainy world the windows of the parked car were coated in a layer of steam that had water rolling down if from both outside and in. The car became more of a shield, keeping out the coldness of the wind and harshness of life and being sure to protect the love that was radiating from inside. Nothing could break past the fortress that defended its precious cargo from harm, it was impenetrable, safe and full of so much love that had been desperate to be known and heard for so many years, now finally acknowledged and admired.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

Mark woke feeling incredibly warm, his senses slowly returning to him as he came out of his deep slumber. Opening his eyes, a smile played on his lips when he saw Emma sleeping peacefully on top of him, the big jacket covering the pair of them. It was still dark outside so they mustn’t have been asleep for too long which gave them an excellent opportunity to slip back home without anyone noticing they were gone all night. Mark’s left arm was resting above his head while his right was wrapped around Emma’s waist under the jacket, holding her close. _She is so beautiful_.

After admiring her as she slept for a while, Mark lifted his arm from above his head and stroked her cheek gently, sometimes bringing his fingers to her hair. Not long after, Emma began to stir and lifter her head off his chest and gazed up at him lovingly.

“Hay” Mark whispered “You alright?”  
“Never better” Emma smiled sleepily, pressing a kiss into Mark’s chest where her head had been.  
“We can’t stay in the car all night so where shall we go?” Mark asked as he began to skim his fingertips over Emma’s waist and thighs.  
“Well my house is closest” Emma smirked.  
“Yours it is then” Mark winked before slowly sitting up and scanning the car for their clothes.

…

They pulled up into Emma’s driveway, talking happily the whole way and quickly slipped into the house. Mark stood awkwardly in the hallway after taking off his shoes, suddenly becoming shy. _What’s wrong with you man!? Why are you acting like this all of a sudden, don’t fuck it up!_

“Come on then” Emma said warmly, taking Mark’s hand and leading him up the stairs to her bedroom. “We are going to bed and nothing else for tonight” Emma said sternly with a slight grin on her face. Mark chuckled at her comment as he began to take his clothes of for the second time and slip under the covers, quickly followed by Emma.

Emma turned on her side to face Mark who mirrored her actions, making it so that their noses were almost touching. Mark tilted his head so that he could kiss the tip of Emma’s nose, making her giggle.

“Any regrets?” Mark asked cautiously.  
“None whatsoever” Emma replied.  
“You have no idea how much I have been waiting for this Emma” Mark gently stroked his nose against Emma’s as he spoke “I never stopped loving you”  
“Neither did I” Emma agreed.  
“Can I ask you something and please don’t hate me for it” Mark mumbled.  
“What?” Emma asked apprehensively.  
“Why did you get back together with Josh?” He asked tentatively.

Emma took a deep breath and looked down; she became tense and looked like she hated even the thought of the subject Mark had decided to bring up. _Oh well done you fucking idiot!!_

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to” Mark said quickly.  
“No it’s okay” Emma reassured before continuing “After we split up I was so upset even though it was me who did it and Josh was the closest one there. I wasn’t really thinking straight, all I really wanted was comfort and he gave me that for a while”  
“So you aren’t with him now?” Mark asked.  
“No, we broke up a little while after we bumped into you at the café. He started getting all insecure and possessive; he hardly let me out of his sight so I ended it with him. I couldn’t get you out of my head since I saw you and that’s when I realized that it’s because I still love you” Emma explained, smiling slightly at the end.  
“He didn’t hurt you did he?” Mark asked with anger in the edge of his voice.  
“No” Emma answered simply.  
“Good. I would have killed him otherwise” Mark said truthfully.  
“Well you don’t have to” Emma smiled “Let’s go to sleep yeah?”  
“Yeah”

Emma shuffled closer to Mark who wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close just like in the car. He sighed contently; finally happy now that he had everything he could ever want in his life.

“Night Em. Love you” Mark said sleepily.  
“Love you too” Emma whispered before quickly falling back into a deep sleep, swiftly followed by Mark.

…

It had been a month since Mark and Emma had got together, they had decided to keep it a secret for a little while so that they could enjoy it for themselves first, sneaking out with each other, staying round each other’s houses and constantly creeping around when the boys came over. They loved the thrill of it but they knew they couldn’t keep it a secret forever.

Mark made his way from his bedroom down to the kitchen after waking up alone and sure enough, he found Emma making tea with her back to the doorway. Mark crept up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, hugging her from behind. Emma jumped slightly but instantly calmed when Mark pressed a kiss into her neck, slowly running his hands up and down her tummy.

“You shouldn’t creep up on me like that” Emma warned with a smirk.  
“Why?” Mark challenged.  
“Because you could have seriously got hurt” Emma said as she finished making the teas.  
“You love me really” Mark grinned as he slipped his hands under her top and gently tickled her belly but he couldn’t do it for long because Emma turned round and handed him his tea.

The pair of them sat at the breakfast bar next to each other and discussed how they were going to tell the others and they came to the conclusion to make it fun. They decided to let them catch them together after Mark said that he thought the others were getting suspicious.

“How do you know?” Emma asked eagerly.  
“Well they keep saying sly comments and hinting stuff so I think they know that something is going on” Mark told her.  
“How long until one of them wanders downstairs” Emma wondered.  
“Oh not long” Mark said matter-of-factly.  
“Right as soon as we hear someone coming down the stairs okay?” Emma reminded him.  
“Got it” Mark said excitedly. _This is defiantly the best way to tell them, it’s the most fun for me and Emma anyway._

After about fifteen minutes, they heard movement coming from upstairs as, surprisingly all four of them came out of their rooms at the same time.

“See I told you they knew something. They want to sneak up on us while we’re not looking” Mark whispered as they moved to the middle of the kitchen.  
“Well we are basically giving them what they think they are going to see” Emma too whispered.

As they heard them all make their way slowly towards the stairs, Mark linked his hands behind Emma’s lower back while she wrapped her arms around his neck, their faces millimeters apart. Out of nowhere, Emma started giggling.

“Don’t laugh you’ll spoil it!” Mark warned her with a smile on his face.  
“I can’t help it!” Emma laughed quietly.

The group were now coming down the stairs and wasting no time, Mark pressed his lips onto Emma’s who instantly began to kiss back. Their mouths began to move in sync and Mark moved his tongue across Emma’s bottom lip who parted her lips willingly allowing him to explore her mouth with his tongue, her doing the same to him. Their heads tilted in opposite directions every couple of seconds as the kiss became more heated, completely forgetting the reason why they were doing this. Getting lost in the moment, both of their hands began to wander under clothing and, Mark especially, down to squeeze each other’s bums. After a little while longer, the broke from the kiss and looked at each other’s eyes, a naughty grin spreading on Mark’s face.

“I fucking knew it!” Howard shouted from the kitchen doorway, making both Emma and Mark jump as they forgot they were there.  
“You two are together and you have been for ages!” Robbie yelled happily.  
“Oh alright you caught us” Mark gave in.  
“Thank god for that, I was wondering how long it would take” Gary said relieved.  
“You two spent the night in the same room didn’t you” Jason eyed them both suspiciously making Mark flush bright red.  
“You did!” Howard exclaimed. Mark couldn’t take it anymore and buried his head in Emma’s shoulder, laughing slightly to himself.  
“Oh leave off guys you’re making him blush” Emma said sweetly.  
“How long have you kept this secret?” Gary asked.  
“Over a month” Emma told them.  
“A month!” Robbie said clearly shocked.  
“Yep” Emma said proudly as Mark pulled away from her and smiled at the four of them.  
“Well I’m happy for you both” Jason said pulling Mark and Emma into a hug in turn, followed by the others who did the same.  
“Thanks guys” Mark said finally. _T _hank_ god, I don’t have to hide it anymore._

The group of friends spent the rest of the day together, chatting and laughing while Mark and Emma could finally cuddle and kiss out in the open any time they liked.

…

It was the early evening now and Gary, Jason, Howard and Robbie had all gone home leaving Mark and Emma alone together. They were sat on the sofa together, Emma lying with her legs over Mark’s lap who was sat gently stroking up and down her legs, watching a film.

“Emma” Mark wined like a child.  
“Yes” Emma replied in the same voice.  
“Seeing as we have made us official now, do you want to um” Mark stopped.  
“What?” Emma pressed Mark to carry on talking.  
“No don’t worry, it was stupid” Mark said embarrassed.  
“No go on. Tell me what you were going to say” Emma told him, moving so that she was straddling his legs her knees next to each side of his hips.  
“Emma it was nothing” Mark tried to get her to move on but he knew she wouldn’t.  
“Mark” Emma said sternly “Tell me”  
“No” Mark said stubbornly  
“Right then” Emma declared, moving her hands forwards and tickling Mark’s ribs. Mark squealed and tried to wriggle away but Emma had him trapped, he began to laugh uncontrollably as Emma continued to tickle him.  
“Emma! Stop!” Mark shouted between laughs.  
“Tell me what you were going to say then” She told him still moving her fingers over Mark’s body.  
“Alright I’ll tell you!” Mark surrendered. Emma retracted her hands and gazed at him expectantly. “I was going to ask if you would like to move in with me”  
“Of course I would!” Emma said happily, throwing her arms around his neck and holding him tight. Mark sighed in relief as he too hugged Emma to him.  
“So do you want to get your stuff now or later?” Mark asked.  
“Now! Right now!” Emma said jumping off the sofa and pulling Mark up after her.

…

Mark was pretty much dragged out of his house and shoved into his car by Emma who had got increasingly excited about moving in with him. Mark didn’t mind one bit, he laughed the whole time at her hyper behavior and was now so happy that she had tortured the information out of him. _I need to get her hyper and excited more often, she is so adorable!_

They pulled up onto Emma’s drive only to see someone at her doorstep banding on her front door.

“Oh no that’s Josh!” Emma said worriedly.  
“You said you broke it off with him” Mark said.  
“I did” Emma told him.  
“Then what’s he doing?” Mark asked rhetorically.

Josh turned when he heard the car, bringing his hand up to shield his eyes from the lights and waited for them to get out. Mark was the first to exit the car and was followed a little more slowly by Emma.

“Can I help you mate?” Mark asked walking up to Josh.  
“I came here to speak to Emma not you” Josh said bitterly.  
“Alright calm down a bit yeah?” Mark told him sternly. Josh said nothing and turned his gaze to Emma who was a little behind them.  
“Well, explain yourself!” He shouted.  
“I broke up with you Josh it’s none of your business who I go out with afterwards” She said quietly.  
“What did I say when you told me? Huh? What did I say!?” he bellowed.  
“Hay now that’s enough! Back off!” Mark yelled, pushing him in the chest. Soon after he felt Emma behind him, holding his arm tightly. _Something isn’t right here._  
“You stay out of this pretty boy; this is between me and Emma!” Josh shouted.  
“Well guess what mate, Emma’s business is now my business, especially if it involves pathetic ex boyfriends who go around shouting the odds like some jumped up fucking teenager!” Mark bawled.

The next thing Mark knew, he was splayed out over his car bonnet with blood pouring from his nose, Emma screaming his name. He picked himself off his car just as Josh confronted Emma, pulling her arm roughly before slapping her hard around the face sending her to the ground.

This was enough to send Mark over the edge.

He launched himself at Josh, rugby tackling him to the floor and punching him several times across the face, and for a second, for one split second he enjoyed it. Mark froze at the thought instantly. _NO! No, I will not turn into him!!_ Instead, Mark picked Josh up by the lapels of his jacket and carried him to the end of the driveway, throwing him onto the path.

“You stay the hell away from her Josh or I swear I won’t stop next time!” Mark left it at that and ran back over to Emma who was still lying unconscious. _God, how hard did he hit her!?_ There was a big bruise forming on her cheek bone and Mark guessed that the fall must have knocked her out. He picked her up in his arms and brought her into the house, setting her down on the large sofa and then finding a blanket to cover her with.

Mark stayed by Emma’s side until she woke, which thankfully for him didn’t take too long. As Emma stirred, Mark gripped her hand tighter and stroked her hair softly.

“Em? Em it’s alright you’re safe now” Mark said gently.  
“Where’s Josh?” She said weakly.  
“I got rid of him, don’t worry I didn’t kill him just punched him a few times and threw him off the drive” Mark told her as he stroked her knuckles with his thumb “Not into the road” He added quickly making Emma smile slightly. “Are you alright?”  
“My head and cheek hurts but that’s about it” Emma mumbled.  
“I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have let it happen” Mark said sadly. “It’s just like last time only worse”  
“Mark it wasn’t your fault that time and it isn’t now okay, don’t you dare blame yourself!” Emma told him slightly stronger this time. Mark just sighed and kissed Emma’s fingers that he was now playing with. “Help me sit up” Emma wheezed as she began to move. Mark quickly came to her aid and helped her into a sitting position.  
“Okay?” He asked.  
“Fine” Emma smiled. Mark’s gaze fell onto the clearly evident bruise on her cheek making his heart sink, leaning forwards; Mark pressed a very gentle kiss over it. “Is it bad?”  
“It’s big” Mark told her.  
“It’ll heal. Anyway, I have some packing to do!” Emma said more cheerily as she stood from the sofa, Mark not far behind her.

After a long time packing, Emma and Mark returned back at Mark’s house with most of Emma’s things ready to be unpacked in the morning, but after stepping into the house, they both decided to have an early night due to earlier events. Snuggled together in bed, they both fell quickly into their dreamland.  



	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

It had been two weeks since the incident with Josh and Emma had settled into Mark’s house rather quickly, moving on from the event and just enjoying their time together. Everyone asked about the bruise but they told the same story that the pair of them were playing football and Mark kicked it a little too hard. People accepted this and just moved on from it. Emma had objected fiercely to Mark taking the blame but he insisted that it was the only plausible story that they could come up with, and it did work.

They had decided to go out together in the town, have a bit of lunch and a walk, that sort of thing. They had just come out of a clothes shop that Emma was desperate to get into and she had managed to get Mark to buy her a few tops.

“I cannot believe the price of some of the stuff in there!” Mark said as they walked hand in hand towards the restaurant that they love to stop at for a quick bite to eat.  
“You didn’t have to buy me them you know” Emma told him.  
“I like to spoil you though, even if it does cost the earth” Mark replied with a laugh.  
“Well that’s your own fault really isn’t it?” Emma challenged with a grin.  
“You are the one giving me those puppy eyes so that I get you what you want” Mark informed her with one eyebrow raised.  
“I don’t know what you mean” Emma said in mock offense.  
“Oh you so do!” Mark exclaimed, removing his hand from Emma’s grip so that he could wrap his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him. “That bruise is nearly gone” Mark said all of a sudden, leaning over to kiss it lightly.  
“Good, the amount of makeup I have had to use on it is shocking!” Emma said thoughtfully with a cheeky grin.  
“Don’t even try it!” Mark told her as they arrived at their restaurant.

They tried to walk in but the doors were locked and it was then that they noticed the sign in the window.

“Closed for renovation” Mark read aloud. “Well that has buggered up our plans” He said slightly annoyed.  
“Well we can find somewhere else to have lunch. This isn’t the only restaurant in Manchester you know” Emma said as she pulled on Mark’s arm making him walk further along the street.  
“Or I could cook at home?” Mark offered. Emma looked at him mockingly “What!? I can cook!” He insisted.  
“Yeah alright Mark” Emma said sarcastically trying not to laugh.  
“You taking the piss?” Mark asked as his hands crept to Emma’s sides, tickling her.  
“Don’t Mark!” Emma giggled furiously as she tried to wriggle out of Mark’s grip who only held her tighter and ticked harder.  
“Take it back then!” Mark told her.  
“Alright!” Emma yelled making Mark let go of her and take her hand to walk along side her, showing off his innocent little smile. “So you’re really going to cook lunch?” She asked.  
“Yes I am! And you are going to love it!” Mark said confidently, kissing her ear.

They continued to walk back to what had now been christened ‘their’ house but as they neared their road, a face they didn’t want to see was walking the opposite way towards them. The second Mark clocked who it was, he brought Emma behind him and stood firm, his eyes like daggers staring at the man Emma had now realized was Josh. He looked up and froze when he saw Mark, looking a lot less cocky than he had two weeks ago.

Emma stifled a gasp when she saw his face. His left eye was bruised really badly along with his jaw and the blotches still glowed blue and purple. He had a cut on his lip and one on his cheek bone. She held onto Mark’s shoulders firmly, making sure that he didn’t move and she could feel how angry he was about seeing Josh by her hold on his extremely tense shoulders, and she could now see his hands were clenched into tight fists as if ready to fly and strike at their chosen target.

Josh looked down slightly and shuffled slowly around Mark who kept turning so that he was the one facing him, fury in his face. As soon as Josh had passed, he moved swiftly away from Mark with his hands in his pockets and his head bowed, clearly intimidated after the beating he received from Mark. When Josh had disappeared from sight, Mark relaxed slightly and began walking again and Emma had to jog to catch him up, slight shaken by the state Josh was in even though she knew that she shouldn’t really care, he’d hit her for god’s sake.

They arrived back home without uttering a single word between them, Emma had been too scared to and Mark was far too angry to say anything. First inside, Mark went straight into the kitchen while Emma hung back slightly, fearful that if she advanced too quickly she would set him off, he was like a ticking time bomb, one false move and everything would become chaos.

Finally plucking up the courage, Emma made her way into the kitchen to confront Mark about what he had done to Josh after he had insisted countless times that ‘it wasn’t a big deal’. Mark was leant against the kitchen counter, one arm crossed over his chest and the other propped against it with his chin resting in his hand as he stared blankly at the wall ahead of him, completely oblivious to everything.

“Mark?” Emma called gently making him look at her briefly before turning away again, exhaling a deep and long sigh. “You going to explain the state of Josh’s face?” She asked a little more forcefully, her courage filling her more.  
“What do you mean ‘explain’? The fucking bastard hit you Emma he deserved what he got!” Mark hissed darkly.  
“You told me that it was nothing” Emma stressed.  
“Believe me that is nothing compared to what I wanted to do to him” Mark hissed.  
“Mark you kicked the shit out of him! What does that say about you!? That you’re willing to go down to his level!” Emma yelled.  
“Oh so you’re sticking up for him now!? After everything he has done you feel sorry for him!?” Mark shouted, now fully standing in front of Emma.  
“You didn’t have to do that to him!” Emma growled angrily.  
“I’m trying to fucking protect you!” Mark bellowed causing Emma to jump. “You don’t want me to? Fine, I fucking well won’t next time if I just get it thrown back in my face!” Mark sneered before storming upstairs and slamming the bedroom door making the whole house shake in response.

Emma stood in the kitchen in shock. She had never seen Mark have an outburst of anger like that and it made her feel guilty that she had been the one to cause it. She knew that Mark was only trying to protect her and it made her feel so secure having someone around to keep her safe but the way Mark had done it just sent shivers down her spine. Gary and the others had told her what had been happening to Mark when he was younger and it tore her heart into pieces knowing that he had been suffering so much on his own, and the fact that Trevor came back again makes Emma scared that he could come at any time. However, the thing she was most afraid of was Mark turning into him, Josh was a clear sign that he was capable but she dreaded the idea of Mark becoming something like that.

After leaving Mark to calm down for a good half hour, Emma decided to make the journey to their room, being careful as she entered and moved around him as he sat on the bed facing the window, his back to her.

“Mark?” She called gently, standing behind him on the other side of the bed. Mark continued to look at his hands, not paying her any attention.  
“I didn’t mean to seem ungrateful Mark; I do love the fact that you’re protecting me. It’s just that I don’t want you turning into ‘him’.” Emma said truthfully.  
“I would never let that happen” Mark mumbled. “I don’t want to be like him”  
“Oh Mark I know you don’t and I know that you beating up Josh was to just protect me and to be honest I quite like the idea of you beating up people for me, It makes you hotter” Emma said giggling and Mark also gave out a small chuckle “But Mark, don’t go overboard. It doesn’t take much to turn someone into that”

Emma was not sat on the bed behind Mark, gently rubbing his shoulder as she spoke.  
“I did stop. I could have done much worse but I stopped because if I hadn’t then he’s won” Mark turned to look at Emma, smiling slightly.  
“And that is why you are the better and stronger person Mark, that’s the man I feel in love with” She slowly caressed Mark’s cheek which was plumping as his lips widened into a bigger smile.  
Mark opened his arms and Emma crawled into his lap as they moved to sit in the middle of the bed, Mark resting his back against the headboard, holding each other tightly, which is how they stayed until Mark began to doze off, Emma still awake in his arms smiling lovingly at him as he slumbered.

…

In the evening, after Mark had successfully made a delicious dinner, he and Emma sat on the sofa watching a film when his phone started to ring. He picked it up, slightly irritated at the interruption.

“Hello?” He answered.  
“Hay mate it’s Gaz” Gary on the other end of the line answered.  
“Oh hiyah, you alright?” Mark asked casually.  
“Yeah I’m good thanks. I have called to ask you something that I think you may be interested in” Gary told him excitedly.  
“And what would that be?” Mark asked curiously.  
“Well my manager called me asking if we would consider touring again, I called Howard and Jason and they seemed really up for it and now you’re the only one who’s left. So what do you say?” Gary explained.  
“Um” Mark though for a moment. He really enjoyed touring last time and it would be a brilliant way to take his mind of things, plus he felt like he needed to do something with his time, and touring was one of the best ways to do it. “I would love to Gary” He said happily.  
“Great! I can’t wait for this now!” Gary exclaimed. “I’ll see you soon mate”  
“See ya” Mark called before hanging up, a big smile on his face.

“What are you so happy about?” Emma asked once he’d set his phone down.  
“We are going on tour!” He told her.  
“Aw that’s brilliant babe, so happy for you” She told him, kissing him on the lips.  
“Thanks Em” Mark replied. “I can’t wait to start”  
“Well I’ll be here supporting you don’t you worry” She said, settling back down and resting her head on his chest. Mark leant down and kissed the back of her neck tenderly before moving round to the side and biting slightly.  
“Mark, I thought we were watching a film” Emma mumbled with a giggle.  
“Well I have thought of something much more fun we could do” Mark told her as he continued to kiss her neck, occasionally moving to her cheek.  
“You are so cheeky Mr. Owen” Emma said as she turned to lie on her back, her head against the arm of the sofa with her body over Mark’s lap.  
“Problem?” Mark asked leaning down and claiming her lips in a passionate kiss. “Come on Ems, we haven’t done it in ages” Mark wined slightly kissing her her forehead and nose.  
“Mark it was yesterday” Emma said with a laugh.  
“That is a long time believe me” Mark mumbled as he trialed soft kisses along Emma’s jaw.  
“Oh alright then, seeing as it is a special occasion with you touring again” Emma said with a wink and a grin. Mark smiled widely and picked Emma up quickly in his arms and ran upstairs to the bedroom.

…

Emma was now fast asleep next to Mark who was watching her adoringly. _She is the most beautiful woman I have ever come across._ Mark suddenly felt like what they had as a relationship wasn’t enough. He loved Emma more than anything in the world and he wanted her to be with him for the rest of his life, he wanted her here by his side where he could wake up to her gorgeous face every morning. _I don’t think I will ever want anyone else and I know for a fact that I am completely in love with her, so what’s to stop me from wanting to make her more than just my girlfriend? Mrs. Emma Owen, yeah I like the sound of that. Once I can find the perfect ring I will ask her to marry me, there’s no-one else in this world who I want more._

With Mark’s mind made up, he slowly fell asleep with a soft smile on his face, his arm wrapped around Emma’s waist to keep her close to him as he nuzzled his nose into her soft hair.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's life had always been hard, ever since he was eight years old the world always seemed to hurt him. He never thought he would become famous and make some of the strongest friendships he'd ever had, but he did. Everyone saw his bubbly and happy personality, but Mark had secrets that he would never tell to anyone, and those secrets tore him up inside. Would he ever tell anyone the pain he was going through? What consequences would he pay for it? What is that one secret that Mark was so scared of?

Over the next couple of months, Mark and the boys had been working on the new album that would then lead to their tour. They had called this album “The Circus” and Mark was beyond excited about it. He had solos on the album, he had written some songs on it and he just loved the whole theme behind it, the photo shoots were a lot of fun for him as well. Mark and the guys had just bonded more and more over the process and they were inseparable now, it was like a group of brothers were in a room together, not a group of friends.

Mark would have liked for Robbie to be with them during this time, but he said that he wasn’t ready to get back into that situation just yet and Mark could understand. He didn’t want to put and pressure on Robbie, none of them did, he was welcome to come back when he was ready. The door was always open for him.

Other than Take That business over the months, Mark had also been searching for the perfect engagement ring for Emma but he just couldn’t find it. He had discreetly from the press been in jewelry shops but nothing caught his eye. He wanted the ring to be perfect, just like Emma. Mark hadn’t even told anyone of his plans to ask her to marry him yet, not to mention thinking about _how_ he would do it. The only thing that had happened related to asking Emma the big question was the fact that Mark was growing even more positive that he wanted to do it. The months working had meant that Mark hadn't been spending a lot of time with Emma, meaning that he had to make up lost time, be more romantic and falling deeper and deeper in love with her.

Mark had kept these plans to himself, but now that he was struggling with finding a ring, it was time for him to tell someone, maybe he could get them to help, plus it would take a weight of Mark’s shoulders for a while too.

While in the studio with the guys, putting together final melodies, harmonies and discussing the album art, Mark took this as his chance to tell someone about his big plans.

“Gary” Mark went over to Gary on the piano as he was playing one of the songs from the album, ‘Greatest day’, a really awesome song in Mark’s opinion.  
“Yeah Mark?” Gary turned his attention away from the instrument and smiled at Mark warmly.  
“Can I talk to you please?” Mark asked, noting how Gary’s face creased with worry as soon as the words had left his mouth.

After everything that had happened with Trevor, everyone has been extra protective of Mark. They nearly lost him and they all took extra time to make sure that he was alright; somehow, despite his dislike in being fussed over, Mark didn’t mind this, it made him feel safer, more loved. Naturally when Mark would ask to talk, everyone would instantly think something was wrong, also they would never turn him down if he wanted a quiet word. As he never spoke or told anyone what was happening which Trevor was around, when Mark openly asked to talk they would be there in a split second to listen. None of them wanted him to clam up and shut down like he has done before, so times like this were precious to all of them. It showed trust and friendship, loyalty to one another and it helped Mark as well which is what everyone cherished about it.

Once in a quiet room away from everyone, Gary set off. “You okay Mark?” His face was full of concern and he gently touched Mark’s upper arm to show his support.  
“Nothing’s wrong Gaz, I just need to tell someone” Mark told him with a reassuring smile.  
“Tell someone what?” He asked still concerned.  
“I’m going to ask Emma to marry me” Mark told him with a grin.

For a moment Gary was shocked, he was speechless, but as what he was told began to sink in, his face broke out into a massive smiled. He flung himself at Mark, picking him up and spun him around laughing with joy.

“Gary! Put me down!” Mark cried, giggling like a madman at Gary’s reaction.  
“I can’t believe it!” Gary exclaimed ecstatically, setting Mark back onto his feet. “Oh my god Mark! This is amazing!”  
“You don’t think it’s too soon?” Mark asked him.  
“No! This is perfect! My little Mark is getting married!” Gary squealed, jumping up and down on the spot like a toddler.  
“Calm down” Mark laughed. “I haven’t even managed to find a ring yet” Mark admitted sadly.  
“Well you need to get looking! Every jeweler you can find you need to look at what they have!” Gary told him.  
“Can you help me Gaz? I can’t find anything” Mark asked.  
“Of course I’ll help if you want me to” Gary said warmly.  
“Thanks Gaz” Mark smiled.

They walked back into the recording room and as they entered Gary whispered to Mark “Do you want the others to know?” he asked  
“Not just yet, wanna get the ring first” Mark told him, receiving a nod of understanding.  
“Guys me and Mark need to head of somewhere” Gary told Howard and Jason who seemed to accept it.  
“Alright guys, before you go, what do you think of the album cover being that picture of us four on the tight rope?” Howard asked them.  
“I like that” Mark said happily.  
“Yeah, sounds great How” Gary told him as they headed towards the door.  
“See you” Jason called.  
“Bye” They called back before they went off into the center of London in search for an engagement ring for Emma.

Knowing Mark, this would not be a quick and easy trip.

…

“This one?”  
“No, too plain”  
“This one?”  
“Too over the top”  
“Oh this one is nice!”  
“No the colors aren’t right”  
“How about this one?”  
“Don’t like it”  
“Try this one?”  
“It’s got no jewels on it, that’s more like a wedding ring”

Gary and Mark had been in about ten different jewelry shops and wedding shops with no luck whatsoever. Mark was being ridiculously fussy and there was nothing that Gary suggested that caught his eye or he seemed to like. Gary had got to the point where he would show Mark every single ring in the shop and hope that it was right, but of course nothing was right for Mark. His dream of a perfect ring was looking to be crumbling before his eyes.

“What sort of thing are you looking for Mark? Maybe that could help us narrow it down”  
Gary asked as he rubbed his eyes.

All this traipsing around London and staring at rings was beginning to wear Gary out, he had no idea how women did this for hours on end and he was seriously in a desperate need for a rest. Maybe if Mark didn’t find anything in this shop he would call for a break in the nearest café.

“It has to look nice, have some jewels on it but not too many or too few. The metal has to be silver because the wedding rings should be gold and I want it to sparkle, shine like her eyes do” Mark told Gary mindlessly as he browsed over another ring cabinet.  
Gary smiled to himself when he listened to Mark say, he didn’t really think about it, the words just came out which is the clearest sign that he meant what he was saying. “Okay” Gary, now knowing what he was looking for, began to look around again.

Mark was starting to lose all hope of finding anything good enough for Emma. He looked over all the rings and none of them were right. Wrong color, wrong size, wrong look, wrong style, just everything was wrong. He had an image in his mind of what he wanted but it just wasn’t there. Maybe he could get a ring made instead; it would make everything a hell of a lot easier.

Just as Mark was about to give up his search, something glistened at him from the corner of his eye. Turning to see what it was, Mark’s eyes fell on the ring he had been searching for. It was even more perfect than the image he’s had in his head. Silver metal ring, a fairly big heart shaped sparkling sapphire in the middle with two smaller shining diamonds either side. He went over to the cabinet to get a better look and it shone even brighter up close, the bright blue of the sapphire reminded Mark of Emma’s eyes and he knew instantly that this was the ring that was perfect for her, regardless of the price.

“Gaz” Mark called Gary over.  
“Found something?” He asked hopefully.  
“That one, it’s that one!” Mark pointed to the gleaming ring through the glass and saw Gary grin from the corner of his eye.  
“It’s gorgeous Mark” He told him, only confirming Mark’s choice further.

Mind made up, Mark called over the shop owner who took the ring out of the cabinet and told Mark the price. £800. Expensive but well worth it, Mark didn’t care about the price, he had plenty of money from the band so he was going to make sure that everything was perfect.

“Very good Mr Owen, the ring has now been paid for. We always throw in the velvet box for free; all you need to do is choose the coloring. We have a huge range; just tell me what you would like” The shopkeeper said happily.  
“Erh” Mark mumbled, suddenly stuck for a decision once again, looking at Gary for help.  
“Why not a navy blue velvet for the outside, and white silk on the inside?” Gary suggested with a smirk.  
“What he said” Mark told the shopkeeper. He smiled warmly and retrieved the ring box, placing the now polished engagement ring inside and handing it to Mark.  
“I hope she says yes” The man winked before the pair of them left.  
“Me too” Mark laughed before walking out of the door.

“So you have the ring”  
“Yep”  
“And you have the box”  
“Uhuh”  
“So, how are you going to ask her?” Gary mused with an amused smile.  
Mark put the ring box in his inside pocket of his jacket and gave Gary a look that said he had nothing and was annoyed that he knew damn well he didn’t.  
“Oh you’ll think of something Marko. Ol’ romantic you are” Gary nudged Mark in the ribs with a giggle.  
“What if she says no Gaz?” Mark asked with his head down.  
“She won’t. I know she won’t” Gary said matter-of-factly.  
“What makes you so sure?” Mark pondered.  
“Because I’m always right” Gary told him. “Now, I need a rest and a coffee”

…

“I want to ask her before the tour because we won’t see much of each other during that time, but I just don’t know _how_ to ask her” Mark told Gary as he sipped on his fresh cappuccino.  
“You could take her on holiday and ask her then?” Gary suggested.  
“It’s too close to the album and everything, I won’t have time to go on holiday when this album is released” Mark told him, knowing that Gary knew he was right.  
“Well how about a romantic dinner out?” Gary recommended.  
“Too predictable and everyone does it” Mark said pulling a face like a toddler who had been offered some vegetables.  
“I have an idea” Gary said more certainly catching Mark’s full attention. “Why don’t you keep the ring on you all the time, every day up to when the tour and everything starts and while you know it’s there, and then the right opportunity will crop up. When you feel like the time is right you can go ahead and ask her because you know you’ll have the ring at the time”

Mark thought for a moment about Gary’s idea. There had been so many times where he and Emma had been snuggled together, laughing together, being stupid together, so many moments where popping the question would be perfect and the idea made perfect sense.

“I just might use that” Mark grinned at Gary.  
“Good” Gary smirked proudly.  
“So you think she will say yes?” Mark asked.  
“I _know_ she will say yes Mark. She loves you more than anything, if she says no then I don’t know what to think anymore” Gary told him.  
“I just can’t wait to ask her” Mark smiled fondly, imagining the moment in his head.  
“So what are you planning after that then? After the wedding and such. Kids?” Gary asked curiously.  
“I’ve always dreamt of having children. Watching them grow, having them call me ‘daddy’, teaching them everything, being there for them. I always used to watch you with Daniel and Emily, how amazing it looked to be a dad, how happy you looked, how much I wanted the same” Mark reminisced warmly making Gary smile at him.  
“You’ll be an amazing dad Mark, I can see it in you” Gary said to him.  
“You think so?” Mark asked.  
“I know so” Gary wrapped an arm around Mark and gave him a friendly squeeze.

The pair of them sat there for a little while longer before they made their way back to the studio where Howard and Jason had stayed.

“How’s things guys?” Gary asked as they walked in.  
“It’s great Gaz, I think everything is sorted” Jason told him with an excited grin.  
“Brilliant! I cannot wait to get this album out” Gary said to them both.  
“Oh and while you were gone we also thought of some staging ideas for the tour as well” Howard said proudly.  
“Awesome” Mark said happily.  
“How does a giant elephant sound to you two?” Jason asked casually.  
“Giant elephant!?” Gary exclaimed with a chuckle.  
“Yep” Howard smiled.  
“We’re perfectly serious Gaz” Jason told him.  
“I love it!” Mark cried.  
“You would Markie” Gary mumbled. “I don’t know guys, what do we do with this giant elephant?” He asked.  
“Well our plan is that we ride it from the B stage to the main stage” Jason informed them.  
“On a platform obviously” Howard added.  
“Right. With that in mind, I am guessing we start on the B stage effectively” Gary mused.  
“Exactly. We have to stick to the circus theme Gaz! Maybe even dress up as clowns!” Jason said excitedly.  
“Oh this gets better and better” Mark giggled happily.  
“See, Mark likes the idea” Howard said smugly at Gary.  
“Don’t be grumpy Gaz! Please!” Mark begged with puppy dog eyes.  
“Oh fine, fine you can have your clowns and elephants but I refuse to dance!” Gary crossed his arms over his chest while sat on the sofa.  
“Oh really?” Howard asked cheekily.  
“Yes really” Gary said defiantly.  
“Even if we have Dawn on board with us?” Jason muttered so that Gary could hear.  
All four of them laughed when Gary’s face dropped before he started grinding his teeth in annoyance “I hate you guys” Gary muttered irritably.  
“We love you too Gaz. Now let me and Jason show you what we have come up with” Howard and Jason stood and showed Gary and Mark a little dance routine, Mark grinning away while Gary persisted to strop.

…

“It was hilarious! Gary just sat there with his grump on while Howard and Jason were showing us this dance routine. It was actually really good and we are thinking of putting it in. I think it’s going to be a part of the ‘clown medley’ where we all dress as clowns because of the circus theme and go through all of our older more dance-y songs” Mark told Emma everything about the meeting at the studio over dinner that night, well, not everything obviously, only the parts she was allowed to know about.  
Emma sat and listened to Mark talk, smiling at how adorably he was, how he played every part, told her every detail and how he always spoke with a smile on his face.  
“When will you start touring?” Emma asked.  
“Some time after Christmas, so a few months. We have to let the album get out for a while first and as well as prepare for the tour as well” Mark told her.  
“Good. I won’t be seeing you much while you are touring so I want as much time to spend with you before as possible” Emma said shyly.  
“I wouldn’t have it any other way” Mark said to her making Emma blush.

They continued to eat dinner, Mark chatting away and Emma just listening. Soon, Mark began to notice that Emma was a lot quieter than usual; she rarely said anything, made a wise crack or poked fun at any point as Mark spoke. Also, she would look down at her lap or look at the table and never look at mark in the eye. Beginning to get worried, Mark let his concerns knows.

“Emma are you okay? You’re really quiet” Mark asked gently.  
“Nothing I’m fine” Emma smiled slightly.  
“Don’t lie to me Ems, I can tell that something is wrong” Mark reached out and put his hand over Emma’s, running the back with his thumb slightly. “You can tell me anything you know” He gave Emma’s hand a reassuring squeeze of support.

After everything that Emma had done for Mark when he was so closed off, he was determined to do everything he could for Emma if she ever felt down or upset. He would get her to talk to him and he would make it right again if he could, it was the least he could do for her.

She didn’t say anything, instead she looked down at her lap, refusing to meet Mark’s gaze. Just as he was about to ask again, a single tear fell from her eye and Mark was up and into action in a split second.  
“Emma!?” Mark jumped from his seat opposite her and moved to her side, crouching next to her to try and meet her gaze. As she still refused to look at him, Mark gripped the sides of Emma’s chair and effortlessly turned it so that she sat facing him.  
“Hay, what’s wrong!?” He asked desperately, gripping her chin gently, tilting it up and making her look at him. “Tell me babe” He pleaded.  
“It’s my parents” Emma whispered.  
“What about them?” Mark asked in confusion.  
“They…they hate the fact that I’m with you” Emma confessed, yet more tears falling from her eyes.

Mark didn’t know how to respond, at that moment his first priority was getting Emma to stop crying, it killed him to see her cry. Scooping her up, Mark carried Emma into the living room and sat down on the sofa with her on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her, gently stoking her hair from root to tip to try and calm her down, mumbling soothing words in her ear as he did so. Mark couldn’t understand why her parents hated him; he hadn’t done anything wrong had he? Mark’s mum loved Emma to pieces, almost like a second daughter, his brother and sister loved her too. He was so relieved how quickly his family had grown to love Emma when they met her, and seeing as Mark saw his mother on a fairly regular basis, they had more time to bond and get to know each other. Maybe he had to do the same with Emma’s parents.

“Oh Ems, please don’t cry” Mark mumbled against Emma’s hair. A little bit more time later, Emma had calmed down slightly but was still cuddled up closely to Mark. “So what is it they hate about me? Is it the fact I’m famous or something?” He asked.  
“No, it’s not that” Emma sniffled.  
“Then what is it?” Mark asked still confused.  
“They think that you used me all those years ago. They think that you don’t deserve me and that you left be broken hearted like you didn’t care” Emma said to him quietly.  
“No! No Emma that’s not true!” Mark told her shocked. _She didn’t think that too did she?_  
“I know Mark, I know it’s not true but my parents didn’t believe me when I told them, they said that you’d brainwashed me to defend you” Emma told him.  
“Why do they even think that?” Mark asked.  
“Probably because of the state I was in after I left you” Emma mumbled in embarrassment.  
“Oh Emma” Mark pulled her into his chest again “That will never happen again, I promise you”

Mark and Emma stayed cuddled together on the sofa until Emma drifted off into sleep. Once she was fully relaxed, Mark carried her up to the bedroom and tucked her under the covers before he followed and laid close to her. Mark had to sort out this situation with Emma’s parents, it wasn’t fair that she should be like this just because they have received the wrong impression, and especially seeing as Mark wants to marry Emma, meaning asking her father’s permission.

  
  


 


End file.
